I am still alive, what

[static_abyss]

This is an entry to sort of explain where I have been for the past year and to let everyone know that I'm alive.



I feel like I owe post_saccharine, maxism, moonfox35 an explanation. Also to Lena and Andi because I love you all so much and I went and kind of disappeared on you when you all had a bunch of shit going on in your lives and I feel like I've been a poor excuse for a friend.

I feel like fandom has been a way to be free, I guess, from my life, from the lives of my parents and siblings. I like writing and I honestly never thought I'd make it anywhere before fandom and I'll always have a soft spot for Super Junior because I feel this was where I took off and I met all these wonderful people who I adore.

These past two years haven't been easy for me. But, lucky for me I've aged more than I was supposed to during my few years of life. I think I can handle things better than a lot of people I know and that's thanks, essentially, to the people who cause chaos in my life in the first place.

I've noticed that I've slipped from fandom, but I've been trying to care again. Mostly because it makes me happy and I deserve that, a break from all the shit that I've had to go through these past two years. Sometimes I think I am still angry about a lot of that and just yesterday I was given a lot of time to think about all the problems in our house and I think I've narrowed it down to my father. I might be angry at him, but at the same time it hurts to think that I am. I can't help but look at him and see the kid he was and probably still is and I can't get angry at him. It just hurts. A lot of the time more than it should because I know he doesn't need me to be angry at him.

So, yeah, basically, I am dealing with shit that I should have had the courage to deal with earlier and if I weren't so afraid of hurting other people's feelings I probably would have gotten it all out sooner. This is a pretty shit explanation but the people who know me have an idea about the things I'm talking about.

What I want to say is that I'm back. Here, because twitter is too much for me right now. I'll get back on that one day. For now, I'm taking things slow, getting in other fandoms, loving on shinee, trying not to love EXO and hating how much I am being sucked into One Direction because, seriously.

LJ is a bitch, but she's my bitch so if you all still remember me, you can find me here. I love you all ♥

Comments

[moonfox35.livejournal.com]

Omg yes do you love Tao too because I am such a Tao stan he is gorgeous and perfect and he loves pandas and it's so cute ;____; and lmao yes they were totally wide-eyed and almost a little scared but me and my friend were very respectful and we ran into them a couple of times throughout the day so by the end they knew us ;~; and I gave some of them directions lol

AAAAHHHH I KNOW AND I EVEN LOVE THE CUT CUZ IM PICKY WITH CUTS BUT HE LOOKS SOOOOOO GOOD OMFG T____T but god this concept/song title is making me miss heechul so bad like I'm still convinced he came up with it somehow

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Heechul texts him or writes him letters in very bad chinese that end up being half in korean anyway because like heechul doesn't do chinese.

So, right i went to listen to some exo songs and i think I just have a thing for Chinese men because I watched the Korean version of MAMA without having to pause once, but then I went to watch the Chinese version and two minutes in, that was as far as I made it. When they started singing I was done ASH LAY. LAY I CAN'T WITH HIS EVERYTHING ;~; and YES TAO YES, I am moving up in the world. I know two more of them now \o/

[moonfox35.livejournal.com]

Sobs yes and Siwon calls him on the phone and shows off that he didn't forget Chinese either ;~~;

OMFG yes I like exo m more too!!!!! Ugh lay (who I always call by his real name yixing anyway lol) is so fucking beautiful and perfect and has a fascination with unicorns which is almost as cute as tao's obsession with pandas ;__; lol omg when they were in Disneyland they all bought character hats and Tao bought this red princess-y hat with feathers and gold trim I was facepalming and cooing at the same time lol

Of exo k I like baekhyun and chanyeol. Baekhyun is so freaking sweet and cute and he's tiny omg I wanted to put him in my pocket ;--; he wears a lot of sexy makeup in the mvs and is one of the vocalists and chanyeol is crazy tall and loud and always grinning and talking and he's the most legit rapper I've ever heard omg.

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cries. omg you and your siwon being in my hanchul thing. it is perfect. i can see that so well. Siwon's big eyes when he talks and I bet he goes "hyung, did i say that right, hyung? did i say it right?" ;~; they are all so precious.

red princess-y hat.
RED PRINCESS-Y HAT

I swear this was not cute before kpop. But, omg why are all these kpop people so adorable and cute. I just want to wrap them in a blanket and tuck them into my bed bed.

[moonfox35.livejournal.com]

Don't you mean our bed?

You know it has to be sihanchul don't you. It must be they are totally inseparable ok :( and you know you like sichul too, don't deny it anymore!!!

YES AND HE WEARS PANDA STUD EARRINGS HELP ME ANA HE'S SUCH A CHILD. A GIRL CHILD LOLOL.

and omfg he does the most ridiculous aegyo and everyone cringes and KRIS SAID IT WORKS ON HIM 8(((( these boys are like really shippable and totally impossible to pick a bias they are so frustrating ;___;