static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-28 12:16 am
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-28 12:16 am
Entry tags:
Five Years
Title: Five Years
Pairing: Hanchul side:KangTeuk
Genre: tiny bit of angst, fluff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Leeteuk is upset and Heechul knows that as a friend it is up to him to help. What he doesn't know is that his late night conversation with Leeteuk is going to lead to a revelation he wished he'd never had.
Note: This is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
0victoriaanne0 because she requested it and I wrote it =)
A/N: Why is my KangTeuk always so angsty? WHY??? Anyway I wrote this for the lovely and awesome Hanchul loving0victoriaanne0 and I hope you like it =) This is a sort of but not really back story to this Hanchul series I am writing for hicdanf . This is basically Heechul's point of view of what happens in that series, but there is a lot missing on purpose. If you want to know the whole story (and there is a lot) please feel free to read the fic I will be posting next =) So for now enjoy this one shot and I apologize for what Heechul said about Kangin. I love Kangin but Heechul says what he wants =/
Kangin leaving was stupid. Kangin should have never gone to the army. Kangin would have never had to go to the army if he hadn’t been stupid that night. If he left it was his own fault and Leeteuk had to deal with it.
Heechul was tired of hearing Leeteuk cry about how he hadn’t done his job right, how he could have done so much more, how he could have been there to drive Kangin home. Heechul had heard it all, from calling to driving; he’d heard it all. And if he was frank, he was fucking tired. It wasn’t Leeteuk’s fault that Kangin had decided to be a stupid jerk and drive home when he had, at the last count, there were ten people he could have called to pick him up.
“Will you just,” Heechul sighed patting Leeteuk’s back. “Just go to sleep Jungsu. You don’t have to worry about this. We have stuff to do, things to keep up with. We need to get sleep and you need to stop worrying so much about this. It wasn’t your fault. Kangin isn’t five. He knew what he was doing and there is nothing you could have done to change it.”
“If I’d been there Heechul. He asked me to go with him and I said no. I said no because I was scared.”
“Scared about what?” Heechul asked.
“I was scared because I told him that I loved him and that was the first time he was talking to me after I said it. And, I didn’t know what he was going to say and I was scared.” Leeteuk sighed. “I just didn’t know.”
“Wait. You told Kangin that you loved him?” Heechul asked looking up. “Teuk, are you crazy? What the hell were you thinking?”
Leeteuk frowned. “What do you mean what was I thinking? Heechul, you and Hankyung…it was like that.”
Heechul bit his lip. That name. It still wasn’t safe to speak that name. Heechul had yet to get over the fact that Hankyung, the one person he trusted so completely in the group, was gone. He still didn’t understand why he would leave, why he would wait until the last minute to tell them, why it had been so easy for the other man to pack up and leave. It was as if you could just take all the memories, all the promises, all the effort, pack it in a bag and go, like they were souvenirs, like they were for decorating houses.
Heechul hadn’t liked it when Hankyung had left. It had seemed cowardly, stupid, but above all he had been upset. He had been upset because Hankyung said he was suffering and he hadn’t gone to Heechul for help. Heechul had to find out that Hankyung was upset through the news. He had always known that there were times when Hankyung would be upset, but the other man had been so good at hiding what he felt and if Heechul was honest, he hadn’t always paid attention.
Still, that didn’t mean that what Leeteuk had just said was anywhere near the truth.
“Jungsu, what the hell have you been drinking?” Heechul asked when he could talk again. “What do you mean by like you and Hankyung? Like me and Hankyung what?”
Leeteuk shook his head, momentarily distracted by the amusement and slight horror in Heechul’s voice.
“What do you mean what do I mean? Weren’t you and Hankyung together?”
“Hankyung?” Heechul asked finally understanding exactly where Leeteuk was going with this. “Are you insane? Has all the fan service finally hit you over the head? What the hell do you mean if Hankyung and I were together? Of course not. What the fuck would give you that idea?”
Leeteuk looked sincerely shocked and Heechul wasn’t sure if he should laugh or be sad.
“Teuk, you actually thought this fan service thing was real?” Heechul asked knowing no other way to break this than the honest truth. “Teuk, you know we do this for the fans. I touch you because it makes the fan girls go crazy and happy fan girls mean happy Super Junior. Just because we go up there on stage and do all of that does not mean that I like you like that Teuk. Just because Hankyung and I used to do that on camera doesn’t mean that there was anything there because there wasn’t. And you and Kangin…”
Leeteuk shook his head and Heechul saw the tears again. He reached over and put a hand on Leeteuk’s shoulder. He knew it must be hard especially if Leeteuk was this confused, because, honestly, Kangin?
“I…Heechul, you don’t get it.” Leeteuk said standing so that Heechul couldn’t reach him. “You don’t get it.”
“I don’t get what? You thought what you and Kangin did was real. It had to happen to someone. We’re stuck almost 24 hours a day with men. It had to happen to someone. You’re just confused. Sit down. We’ll talk about it.”
“I’m not confused.” Leeteuk said shaking his head. “I’m not confused Heechul. I know what Kangin and I did was real.”
“Jungsu,” Heechul said going over to Leeteuk, “what you and Kangin did is called fan service. We all do it. He and Sungmin used to do it too.”
“We fucking slept together alright! We slept together!” Leeteuk yelled turning and walking out of the room.
Heechul stood there staring after Leeteuk. He couldn’t move because, one: Leeteuk never cursed and two: KangTeuk was real. He couldn’t understand how it had happened, how no one noticed it, how Leeteuk and Kangin had kept it a secret for so long. He couldn’t understand how they had all missed it, how he, Heechul, had missed it. Leeteuk and Kangin.
“Well, fuck.” He whispered.
It took him a second to gather his thoughts back together and then he stood up too and went to his room. He flopped down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. Hankyung used to sleep with him sometimes and sometimes he used to sleep with Hankyung. They’d done it because it was nicer to have someone next to you, especially when you were upset. Hankyung didn’t like him in that way. He didn’t and Hankyung didn’t either. He couldn’t. They paid attention to each other because they were friends and that’s what friends did for each other. Right?
“Stupid Leeteuk.” Heechul muttered as he dialed Hankyung’s number.
He had to make sure. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep if he didn’t make sure.
“Heechul?” came the muffled response from the phone.
“Are you sleeping?” Heechul asked.
“Yes.” Hankyung answered his voice more awake and less groggy. “Yes, Heechul, I’m still sleeping.”
“Hankyung, I need to ask you a question.”
“What is it Heechul and why aren’t you sleeping? It’s late.”
Heechul pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the time. It was three in the morning.
“What do you mean late?” he asked. “It’s early.”
“Heechul.” Hankyung almost begged. “Please, just ask me what you wanted to ask me and let’s both go to sleep.”
“Hankyung, do you love me?” Heechul asked because really there was no other way to state this and he had to make sure.
There was no answer from Hankyung’s side, just a sharp intake of breath.
“I don’t…” Hankyung started and Heechul could practically see the other man’s red face. “I don’t understand…what…why are you asking?”
“Is that why you were so weird when I went to see you that last time? Is that why you left? Is that why you almost killed Siwon when we did that kiss on stage? Hankyung, you aren’t making this easy. I need to know.”
“I…Heechul, I can’t…this isn’t something you discuss over the phone at three in the morning.”
“Leeteuk and Kangin have been sleeping together for a while now. Did you know? Leeteuk loves Kangin. Leeteuk thought that we were sleeping together too.” Heechul said staring at the ceiling again.
Heechul wasn’t sure why this was so important to him. He wasn’t sure why he needed Hankyung to say something, to assure him…he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to hear anymore. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear Hankyung laugh it off or if he wanted Hankyung to admit to it.
“We’re not doing this over the phone Heechul.” Hankyung answered his voice subdued.
“Why not?” Heechul asked. “Your accent, it gets better every time we talk. I think I like it better like it is right now, not too pronounced but it’s still there.”
“This is the reason why we can’t discuss this over the phone. Not only is it something very delicate, you just never pay enough attention to things Heechul.” Hankyung answered agitated. “You never pay enough attention, ever.”
“What do you mean I never pay enough attention to things?” Heechul asked sitting up. “I do pay attention. Why do you think Jungsu told me what he did? I pay attention.”
“Yes, of course, how stupid of me. You pay enough attention to Jungsu. Why don’t you go pay some more attention to him and let me sleep?”
Heechul listened. He had heard that tone many times before. It was the same tone Hankyung used when Heechul had kissed Sungmin, Siwon, Jay. He had heard that tone so many times and he hadn’t understood what it meant. He hadn’t understood what it was until this very moment when he was hearing it again.
“Are you jealous?” Heechul asked his voice filled with awe. “Hankyung, are you…”
“Fuck! Why is this so damn hard Heechul?” Hankyung answered and Heechul could almost see the way Hankyung was running his fingers through his hair. “I said we weren’t doing this over the phone and look at me doing this over the stupid phone. Yes! Alright? Yes, I am jealous. Yes, I do hate to watch you and Leeteuk and you and who knows how many others out there. Are you happy? We did what you wanted. We always do what you want.”
“We never do what I want.” Heechul answered as he tried to process what he’d just heard.
Hankyung was jealous.
Hankyung was jealous.
“We always do what you want. If it had been about what I wanted when I was in Super Junior then you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me right now. If it had been what I wanted, I would have had you a long time ago. It’s never been about me Heechul. If it were about me I would have flown to Korea so damn long ago. But, it’s not about me ever. It’s always about you Heechul, about what people are going to say, about how that is going to affect you, about how you don’t even feel the same way I do. Everything I did revolved around you.”
“Why would it?” Heechul asked knowing he was being difficult and not caring because he just needed to hear it once from Hankyung’s mouth. He needed to know what it was exactly, from Hankyung’s mouth and not from Leeteuk’s speculations.
“Heechul, I l—”
Hankyung stopped abruptly and Heechul wanted to hit something. They both knew what Hankyung was going to say. They knew. They knew, but Heechul needed to hear it. He needed to hear it so that he could figure out what he felt, what he wanted.
“Say it.” Heechul whispered.
“No.”
“Say it because we both want you to say it.”
“I’m not going to say it over the phone, not this.”
“Then come over here and say it.” Heechul challenged. “Come here and say it here where it means something.”
“Good night Heechul.”
Heechul sighed. Of course. “Good night.”
Heechul looked at his phone. What had given him the idea that it was okay to call Hankyung and ask him just out of the blue? What had he been thinking?
Of course, he wasn’t upset with how the conversation had gone. He had learned a lot about Hankyung and now it was his turn. Why did he want to hear Hankyung say those three words so badly? What was he going to gain from knowing? Hankyung had practically admitted to it over that phone call. Why did he need to hear more? Why was he wishing that Hankyung would come, that Hankyung would say it to his face?
He was Heechul. He was the one who did what everyone least expected. He was the one who was crazy. He was the one who kissed guys on stage and then shrugged about it later. He knew that there were speculations, things people said, things people wanted to believe. But, he knew who he was. He was Heechul and just because he kissed guys didn’t mean that he liked them.
He had kissed Hankyung sure, a lot more than the others, but it was just because they were friends and it was easier to kiss your close friend because he would never misunderstand. So he had kissed Hankyung? So he had done it as often as he could? So he might have gotten carried away? So Hankyung might have kissed back? So?
They laughed about it later. They made sure that both understood that it was just for show. Heechul had once asked Hankyung, as friend, as a joke, whether he was in love with him, but that was it, a joke.
It never occurred to Heechul that Hankyung might actually take it seriously, that there might be something there. It never occurred to him that he might actually want to hear Hankyung say it and not just because he was vain, but because he really wanted to hear it. He wanted to know what Hankyung thought because Heechul…well, he just wanted to know.
There was no other reason. There couldn’t be any other reason. He just…
“Fuck.”
Heechul looked at the clock. Four in the morning. Beautiful. He had two hours of sleep left. Two hours and he was going to spend it talking to Leeteuk.
“Leeteuk, go see Kangin.” Heechul said not bothering to knock as he went in.
“Heechul? What?” Leeteuk asked rubbing his eyes as he sat up on his bed. “What are you doing here?”
“Go call Kangin. Tell him. Go see him. Don’t…listen Jungsu, I don’t know what you have to do just go and do it and make sure that Kangin knows.”
“Why? Why would I call Kangin? Heechul, you’re not making sense.”
“I don’t know why you should call Kangin.” Heechul snapped. “I just know that you should do it.”
“But, Heechul, why this all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know.” Heechul sighed. “I don’t know okay. I just had my sexuality reversed. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Sexuality…what are you talking about.”
“I called Hankyung.” Heechul said. “I called him and I talked to him and you were right. He…I just…how the hell did you know when I didn’t?”
Leeteuk shrugged. “Everyone here knew or thought they knew. You and him were never together?”
“No.”
“Then what is this about your sexuality?” Leeteuk asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t understand it anymore. How did you know with Kangin?”
“You mean besides the fact that we slept together?”
Heechul rolled his eyes. He wasn’t even going to dignify that with a response.
“You love Hankyung, Heechul. You love him otherwise you wouldn’t have been so messed up when he left. You wouldn’t have called him after I told you about me and Kangin.”
“I don’t.”
Leeteuk shrugged. “If you say so Heechul.”
“Shut up Jungsu.”
“I just—”
“Shut up Jungsu!”
Heechul got up. He made sure to slam the door as he walked out. Leeteuk didn’t know what he was talking about. There was no way he, Heechul, was in love with Hankyung. He didn’t even like men…right?
***
Heechul couldn’t sleep and it was all Leeteuk’s stupid fault. Leeteuk who couldn’t stop talking about Kangin. Apparently he had talked to Kangin and now they were seeing each other as often as they could. If Heechul had known that Leeteuk was going to turn into this happy, bouncy ball of…whatever, Heechul wouldn’t have made him call Kangin.
That, however, was not Heechul’s problem. He hadn’t been able to sleep for the past days because Leeteuk didn’t know what he was talking about, because Leeteuk was annoying. It had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn’t stopped thinking about Hankyung since he talked to him. It had nothing to do with how he kept remembering the way Hankyung loved to play with his hair. And it certainly had nothing to do with how Heechul kept remembering the kisses they shared on shows.
“Fuck.” He moaned. “Damn it!”
Heechul threw his phone at the wall then went to pick it up. He looked at the numbers on his phone, closed it, opened it and then dialed the number he should have dialed weeks ago.
“Heechul?”
“Hankyung…” Heechul took a deep breath. “Hankyung, I love you. That’s it. Okay. Bye.”
Heechul looked at the phone in his hand. He turned it over, pulled out the battery and threw it at the couch. He waited only until he heard the tell-tale thump then flopped down on his bed.
“Fuck. I am so screwed.”
***
Heechul woke up because his phone was ringing. He reached over to his dresser and picked it up. He didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello?”
“Heechul, what’s the pass key. The numbers to get into the dorm, what are they?”
“Hankyung?” Heechul said sitting up so fast he saw spots. “How the hell did you get my new number?”
“Are they still the same Heechul? Is it the same pass code?”
“Yes. Why? How did you get my number?”
“I’ll see you there. Bye.”
Heechul rubbed his eyes and then it hit him. There was no way. He scrambled off the bed rushing over to pull something decent on. He had barely managed to slip into his t-shirt when the door opened, not loud, just the turn of the knob and the slight click as it closed again.
“Hankyung.” Heechul breathed.
There was nothing to say really. Hankyung had been running. His cheeks were pink and his breathing labored and Heechul wondered why he had never thought this man was beautiful.
“I love you.” Hankyung said. “I love you too Heechul.”
Heechul looked at him. Hankyung had changed so much in such a short time. It hadn’t even been that long since the last time they’d seen each other, but there it was, all the difference. Hankyung’s hair was short and its natural brown color. And those muscles, those were a recent addition.
“Heechul.”
Heechul didn’t know what to say. Just that voice, the way his name came out of those lips, that was enough to make his body shake. He took in the confidence that hadn’t been there before the lawsuit. He watched the way Hankyung’s own hands were shaking and that’s what gave him confidence. He wasn’t the only one who was nervous. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what to do. But, he was the one who was feeling this for the first time.
“They’re going to kill you when they see you.” Heechul managed.
Heechul counted to three before Hankyung was there, pulling him into those arms. Heechul caught a glimpse of those brown eyes before Hankyung threaded his hands behind Heechul’s head, tilting his face up. There was no hesitation as Hankyung pressed their lips together. Heechul could feel Hankyung’s body trembling at the contact, could hear the way Hankyung was breathing and he let himself be carried away.
He let Hankyung lead them, let Hankyung take them away and it was then that he realizes that he's in love. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t trust just anyone, but he trusts Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t forgive, but he forgives Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul is always in control, but he’s not in control now. He knows because normally not being in control would make him angry, but he doesn’t mind, not if it’s Hankyung.
Hankyung pulled away and Heechul looked up. Hankyung’s face was so close, so close that all Heechul had to do was move a few centimeters and their lips would be together again. Hankyung was so close with his eyes closed and his forehead on Heechul’s.
“I’m sorry.” Hankyung said.
“Sorry?” Heechul asked wondering when his heart decided to be this stupid.
It’s beating as if he had just run and his heart should know by now that he doesn’t run, not unless Hankyung needs him too.
“I shouldn’t.” Hankyung whispered still holding on to Heechul. “I’m sorry, but I just…I’ve waited so damn long for that Heechul.”
“It’s your own stupid fault you had to wait this long. No one told you to leave.” Heechul said resting his head under Hankyung’s chin. He let his arms snake their way around Hankyung’s waist and Heechul knew that there was nothing better than that.
“I am pretty stupid aren’t I?” Hankyung asked swaying slightly on the spot. “But, I’m here now.”
“hmm.” Heechul murmured closing his eyes. “When are you leaving?”
Heechul felt the way Hankyung tensed under his arms. He felt that way Hankyung stopped breathing for a second and Heechul wasn’t sure what to think. Hankyung moved so that he was holding Heechul out at arm’s length.
“Heechul-ah,” Hankyung said clearing his throat. “Heechul, I…I…I want to stay, but only if you want me to.”
It took Heechul five minutes to process what Hankyung had said. It took that long because he had Hankyung repeat it, explain it, repeat it again and explain it one last time.
“So, you’re staying?” Heechul asked just to make sure.
Hankyung laughed. “Yes, I’m staying. Not, with SM, but there are lots of things I can do here and you’re always welcomed to move in with me or you can come visit as often as you want. You know I’m just down a couple of street, near Siwon actually.”
“I’m moving in with you.”
“See, now that wasn’t so hard was it?” Hankyung asked. “It only took five minutes. That’s nothing compared to the five years it took you to realize you loved me.”
“Who said they loved you?”
Hankyung laughed and hugged him. Heechul let him because in the end what are five minutes compared to five years.
A/N: There we go and I hope it was good or at the very least bearable =)
Pairing: Hanchul side:KangTeuk
Genre: tiny bit of angst, fluff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Leeteuk is upset and Heechul knows that as a friend it is up to him to help. What he doesn't know is that his late night conversation with Leeteuk is going to lead to a revelation he wished he'd never had.
Note: This is for
0victoriaanne0 because she requested it and I wrote it =)A/N: Why is my KangTeuk always so angsty? WHY??? Anyway I wrote this for the lovely and awesome Hanchul loving
0victoriaanne0 and I hope you like it =) This is a sort of but not really back story to this Hanchul series I am writing for hicdanf . This is basically Heechul's point of view of what happens in that series, but there is a lot missing on purpose. If you want to know the whole story (and there is a lot) please feel free to read the fic I will be posting next =) So for now enjoy this one shot and I apologize for what Heechul said about Kangin. I love Kangin but Heechul says what he wants =/Kangin leaving was stupid. Kangin should have never gone to the army. Kangin would have never had to go to the army if he hadn’t been stupid that night. If he left it was his own fault and Leeteuk had to deal with it.
Heechul was tired of hearing Leeteuk cry about how he hadn’t done his job right, how he could have done so much more, how he could have been there to drive Kangin home. Heechul had heard it all, from calling to driving; he’d heard it all. And if he was frank, he was fucking tired. It wasn’t Leeteuk’s fault that Kangin had decided to be a stupid jerk and drive home when he had, at the last count, there were ten people he could have called to pick him up.
“Will you just,” Heechul sighed patting Leeteuk’s back. “Just go to sleep Jungsu. You don’t have to worry about this. We have stuff to do, things to keep up with. We need to get sleep and you need to stop worrying so much about this. It wasn’t your fault. Kangin isn’t five. He knew what he was doing and there is nothing you could have done to change it.”
“If I’d been there Heechul. He asked me to go with him and I said no. I said no because I was scared.”
“Scared about what?” Heechul asked.
“I was scared because I told him that I loved him and that was the first time he was talking to me after I said it. And, I didn’t know what he was going to say and I was scared.” Leeteuk sighed. “I just didn’t know.”
“Wait. You told Kangin that you loved him?” Heechul asked looking up. “Teuk, are you crazy? What the hell were you thinking?”
Leeteuk frowned. “What do you mean what was I thinking? Heechul, you and Hankyung…it was like that.”
Heechul bit his lip. That name. It still wasn’t safe to speak that name. Heechul had yet to get over the fact that Hankyung, the one person he trusted so completely in the group, was gone. He still didn’t understand why he would leave, why he would wait until the last minute to tell them, why it had been so easy for the other man to pack up and leave. It was as if you could just take all the memories, all the promises, all the effort, pack it in a bag and go, like they were souvenirs, like they were for decorating houses.
Heechul hadn’t liked it when Hankyung had left. It had seemed cowardly, stupid, but above all he had been upset. He had been upset because Hankyung said he was suffering and he hadn’t gone to Heechul for help. Heechul had to find out that Hankyung was upset through the news. He had always known that there were times when Hankyung would be upset, but the other man had been so good at hiding what he felt and if Heechul was honest, he hadn’t always paid attention.
Still, that didn’t mean that what Leeteuk had just said was anywhere near the truth.
“Jungsu, what the hell have you been drinking?” Heechul asked when he could talk again. “What do you mean by like you and Hankyung? Like me and Hankyung what?”
Leeteuk shook his head, momentarily distracted by the amusement and slight horror in Heechul’s voice.
“What do you mean what do I mean? Weren’t you and Hankyung together?”
“Hankyung?” Heechul asked finally understanding exactly where Leeteuk was going with this. “Are you insane? Has all the fan service finally hit you over the head? What the hell do you mean if Hankyung and I were together? Of course not. What the fuck would give you that idea?”
Leeteuk looked sincerely shocked and Heechul wasn’t sure if he should laugh or be sad.
“Teuk, you actually thought this fan service thing was real?” Heechul asked knowing no other way to break this than the honest truth. “Teuk, you know we do this for the fans. I touch you because it makes the fan girls go crazy and happy fan girls mean happy Super Junior. Just because we go up there on stage and do all of that does not mean that I like you like that Teuk. Just because Hankyung and I used to do that on camera doesn’t mean that there was anything there because there wasn’t. And you and Kangin…”
Leeteuk shook his head and Heechul saw the tears again. He reached over and put a hand on Leeteuk’s shoulder. He knew it must be hard especially if Leeteuk was this confused, because, honestly, Kangin?
“I…Heechul, you don’t get it.” Leeteuk said standing so that Heechul couldn’t reach him. “You don’t get it.”
“I don’t get what? You thought what you and Kangin did was real. It had to happen to someone. We’re stuck almost 24 hours a day with men. It had to happen to someone. You’re just confused. Sit down. We’ll talk about it.”
“I’m not confused.” Leeteuk said shaking his head. “I’m not confused Heechul. I know what Kangin and I did was real.”
“Jungsu,” Heechul said going over to Leeteuk, “what you and Kangin did is called fan service. We all do it. He and Sungmin used to do it too.”
“We fucking slept together alright! We slept together!” Leeteuk yelled turning and walking out of the room.
Heechul stood there staring after Leeteuk. He couldn’t move because, one: Leeteuk never cursed and two: KangTeuk was real. He couldn’t understand how it had happened, how no one noticed it, how Leeteuk and Kangin had kept it a secret for so long. He couldn’t understand how they had all missed it, how he, Heechul, had missed it. Leeteuk and Kangin.
“Well, fuck.” He whispered.
It took him a second to gather his thoughts back together and then he stood up too and went to his room. He flopped down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. Hankyung used to sleep with him sometimes and sometimes he used to sleep with Hankyung. They’d done it because it was nicer to have someone next to you, especially when you were upset. Hankyung didn’t like him in that way. He didn’t and Hankyung didn’t either. He couldn’t. They paid attention to each other because they were friends and that’s what friends did for each other. Right?
“Stupid Leeteuk.” Heechul muttered as he dialed Hankyung’s number.
He had to make sure. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep if he didn’t make sure.
“Heechul?” came the muffled response from the phone.
“Are you sleeping?” Heechul asked.
“Yes.” Hankyung answered his voice more awake and less groggy. “Yes, Heechul, I’m still sleeping.”
“Hankyung, I need to ask you a question.”
“What is it Heechul and why aren’t you sleeping? It’s late.”
Heechul pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the time. It was three in the morning.
“What do you mean late?” he asked. “It’s early.”
“Heechul.” Hankyung almost begged. “Please, just ask me what you wanted to ask me and let’s both go to sleep.”
“Hankyung, do you love me?” Heechul asked because really there was no other way to state this and he had to make sure.
There was no answer from Hankyung’s side, just a sharp intake of breath.
“I don’t…” Hankyung started and Heechul could practically see the other man’s red face. “I don’t understand…what…why are you asking?”
“Is that why you were so weird when I went to see you that last time? Is that why you left? Is that why you almost killed Siwon when we did that kiss on stage? Hankyung, you aren’t making this easy. I need to know.”
“I…Heechul, I can’t…this isn’t something you discuss over the phone at three in the morning.”
“Leeteuk and Kangin have been sleeping together for a while now. Did you know? Leeteuk loves Kangin. Leeteuk thought that we were sleeping together too.” Heechul said staring at the ceiling again.
Heechul wasn’t sure why this was so important to him. He wasn’t sure why he needed Hankyung to say something, to assure him…he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to hear anymore. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear Hankyung laugh it off or if he wanted Hankyung to admit to it.
“We’re not doing this over the phone Heechul.” Hankyung answered his voice subdued.
“Why not?” Heechul asked. “Your accent, it gets better every time we talk. I think I like it better like it is right now, not too pronounced but it’s still there.”
“This is the reason why we can’t discuss this over the phone. Not only is it something very delicate, you just never pay enough attention to things Heechul.” Hankyung answered agitated. “You never pay enough attention, ever.”
“What do you mean I never pay enough attention to things?” Heechul asked sitting up. “I do pay attention. Why do you think Jungsu told me what he did? I pay attention.”
“Yes, of course, how stupid of me. You pay enough attention to Jungsu. Why don’t you go pay some more attention to him and let me sleep?”
Heechul listened. He had heard that tone many times before. It was the same tone Hankyung used when Heechul had kissed Sungmin, Siwon, Jay. He had heard that tone so many times and he hadn’t understood what it meant. He hadn’t understood what it was until this very moment when he was hearing it again.
“Are you jealous?” Heechul asked his voice filled with awe. “Hankyung, are you…”
“Fuck! Why is this so damn hard Heechul?” Hankyung answered and Heechul could almost see the way Hankyung was running his fingers through his hair. “I said we weren’t doing this over the phone and look at me doing this over the stupid phone. Yes! Alright? Yes, I am jealous. Yes, I do hate to watch you and Leeteuk and you and who knows how many others out there. Are you happy? We did what you wanted. We always do what you want.”
“We never do what I want.” Heechul answered as he tried to process what he’d just heard.
Hankyung was jealous.
Hankyung was jealous.
“We always do what you want. If it had been about what I wanted when I was in Super Junior then you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me right now. If it had been what I wanted, I would have had you a long time ago. It’s never been about me Heechul. If it were about me I would have flown to Korea so damn long ago. But, it’s not about me ever. It’s always about you Heechul, about what people are going to say, about how that is going to affect you, about how you don’t even feel the same way I do. Everything I did revolved around you.”
“Why would it?” Heechul asked knowing he was being difficult and not caring because he just needed to hear it once from Hankyung’s mouth. He needed to know what it was exactly, from Hankyung’s mouth and not from Leeteuk’s speculations.
“Heechul, I l—”
Hankyung stopped abruptly and Heechul wanted to hit something. They both knew what Hankyung was going to say. They knew. They knew, but Heechul needed to hear it. He needed to hear it so that he could figure out what he felt, what he wanted.
“Say it.” Heechul whispered.
“No.”
“Say it because we both want you to say it.”
“I’m not going to say it over the phone, not this.”
“Then come over here and say it.” Heechul challenged. “Come here and say it here where it means something.”
“Good night Heechul.”
Heechul sighed. Of course. “Good night.”
Heechul looked at his phone. What had given him the idea that it was okay to call Hankyung and ask him just out of the blue? What had he been thinking?
Of course, he wasn’t upset with how the conversation had gone. He had learned a lot about Hankyung and now it was his turn. Why did he want to hear Hankyung say those three words so badly? What was he going to gain from knowing? Hankyung had practically admitted to it over that phone call. Why did he need to hear more? Why was he wishing that Hankyung would come, that Hankyung would say it to his face?
He was Heechul. He was the one who did what everyone least expected. He was the one who was crazy. He was the one who kissed guys on stage and then shrugged about it later. He knew that there were speculations, things people said, things people wanted to believe. But, he knew who he was. He was Heechul and just because he kissed guys didn’t mean that he liked them.
He had kissed Hankyung sure, a lot more than the others, but it was just because they were friends and it was easier to kiss your close friend because he would never misunderstand. So he had kissed Hankyung? So he had done it as often as he could? So he might have gotten carried away? So Hankyung might have kissed back? So?
They laughed about it later. They made sure that both understood that it was just for show. Heechul had once asked Hankyung, as friend, as a joke, whether he was in love with him, but that was it, a joke.
It never occurred to Heechul that Hankyung might actually take it seriously, that there might be something there. It never occurred to him that he might actually want to hear Hankyung say it and not just because he was vain, but because he really wanted to hear it. He wanted to know what Hankyung thought because Heechul…well, he just wanted to know.
There was no other reason. There couldn’t be any other reason. He just…
“Fuck.”
Heechul looked at the clock. Four in the morning. Beautiful. He had two hours of sleep left. Two hours and he was going to spend it talking to Leeteuk.
“Leeteuk, go see Kangin.” Heechul said not bothering to knock as he went in.
“Heechul? What?” Leeteuk asked rubbing his eyes as he sat up on his bed. “What are you doing here?”
“Go call Kangin. Tell him. Go see him. Don’t…listen Jungsu, I don’t know what you have to do just go and do it and make sure that Kangin knows.”
“Why? Why would I call Kangin? Heechul, you’re not making sense.”
“I don’t know why you should call Kangin.” Heechul snapped. “I just know that you should do it.”
“But, Heechul, why this all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know.” Heechul sighed. “I don’t know okay. I just had my sexuality reversed. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“Sexuality…what are you talking about.”
“I called Hankyung.” Heechul said. “I called him and I talked to him and you were right. He…I just…how the hell did you know when I didn’t?”
Leeteuk shrugged. “Everyone here knew or thought they knew. You and him were never together?”
“No.”
“Then what is this about your sexuality?” Leeteuk asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t understand it anymore. How did you know with Kangin?”
“You mean besides the fact that we slept together?”
Heechul rolled his eyes. He wasn’t even going to dignify that with a response.
“You love Hankyung, Heechul. You love him otherwise you wouldn’t have been so messed up when he left. You wouldn’t have called him after I told you about me and Kangin.”
“I don’t.”
Leeteuk shrugged. “If you say so Heechul.”
“Shut up Jungsu.”
“I just—”
“Shut up Jungsu!”
Heechul got up. He made sure to slam the door as he walked out. Leeteuk didn’t know what he was talking about. There was no way he, Heechul, was in love with Hankyung. He didn’t even like men…right?
***
Heechul couldn’t sleep and it was all Leeteuk’s stupid fault. Leeteuk who couldn’t stop talking about Kangin. Apparently he had talked to Kangin and now they were seeing each other as often as they could. If Heechul had known that Leeteuk was going to turn into this happy, bouncy ball of…whatever, Heechul wouldn’t have made him call Kangin.
That, however, was not Heechul’s problem. He hadn’t been able to sleep for the past days because Leeteuk didn’t know what he was talking about, because Leeteuk was annoying. It had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn’t stopped thinking about Hankyung since he talked to him. It had nothing to do with how he kept remembering the way Hankyung loved to play with his hair. And it certainly had nothing to do with how Heechul kept remembering the kisses they shared on shows.
“Fuck.” He moaned. “Damn it!”
Heechul threw his phone at the wall then went to pick it up. He looked at the numbers on his phone, closed it, opened it and then dialed the number he should have dialed weeks ago.
“Heechul?”
“Hankyung…” Heechul took a deep breath. “Hankyung, I love you. That’s it. Okay. Bye.”
Heechul looked at the phone in his hand. He turned it over, pulled out the battery and threw it at the couch. He waited only until he heard the tell-tale thump then flopped down on his bed.
“Fuck. I am so screwed.”
***
Heechul woke up because his phone was ringing. He reached over to his dresser and picked it up. He didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello?”
“Heechul, what’s the pass key. The numbers to get into the dorm, what are they?”
“Hankyung?” Heechul said sitting up so fast he saw spots. “How the hell did you get my new number?”
“Are they still the same Heechul? Is it the same pass code?”
“Yes. Why? How did you get my number?”
“I’ll see you there. Bye.”
Heechul rubbed his eyes and then it hit him. There was no way. He scrambled off the bed rushing over to pull something decent on. He had barely managed to slip into his t-shirt when the door opened, not loud, just the turn of the knob and the slight click as it closed again.
“Hankyung.” Heechul breathed.
There was nothing to say really. Hankyung had been running. His cheeks were pink and his breathing labored and Heechul wondered why he had never thought this man was beautiful.
“I love you.” Hankyung said. “I love you too Heechul.”
Heechul looked at him. Hankyung had changed so much in such a short time. It hadn’t even been that long since the last time they’d seen each other, but there it was, all the difference. Hankyung’s hair was short and its natural brown color. And those muscles, those were a recent addition.
“Heechul.”
Heechul didn’t know what to say. Just that voice, the way his name came out of those lips, that was enough to make his body shake. He took in the confidence that hadn’t been there before the lawsuit. He watched the way Hankyung’s own hands were shaking and that’s what gave him confidence. He wasn’t the only one who was nervous. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what to do. But, he was the one who was feeling this for the first time.
“They’re going to kill you when they see you.” Heechul managed.
Heechul counted to three before Hankyung was there, pulling him into those arms. Heechul caught a glimpse of those brown eyes before Hankyung threaded his hands behind Heechul’s head, tilting his face up. There was no hesitation as Hankyung pressed their lips together. Heechul could feel Hankyung’s body trembling at the contact, could hear the way Hankyung was breathing and he let himself be carried away.
He let Hankyung lead them, let Hankyung take them away and it was then that he realizes that he's in love. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t trust just anyone, but he trusts Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t forgive, but he forgives Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul is always in control, but he’s not in control now. He knows because normally not being in control would make him angry, but he doesn’t mind, not if it’s Hankyung.
Hankyung pulled away and Heechul looked up. Hankyung’s face was so close, so close that all Heechul had to do was move a few centimeters and their lips would be together again. Hankyung was so close with his eyes closed and his forehead on Heechul’s.
“I’m sorry.” Hankyung said.
“Sorry?” Heechul asked wondering when his heart decided to be this stupid.
It’s beating as if he had just run and his heart should know by now that he doesn’t run, not unless Hankyung needs him too.
“I shouldn’t.” Hankyung whispered still holding on to Heechul. “I’m sorry, but I just…I’ve waited so damn long for that Heechul.”
“It’s your own stupid fault you had to wait this long. No one told you to leave.” Heechul said resting his head under Hankyung’s chin. He let his arms snake their way around Hankyung’s waist and Heechul knew that there was nothing better than that.
“I am pretty stupid aren’t I?” Hankyung asked swaying slightly on the spot. “But, I’m here now.”
“hmm.” Heechul murmured closing his eyes. “When are you leaving?”
Heechul felt the way Hankyung tensed under his arms. He felt that way Hankyung stopped breathing for a second and Heechul wasn’t sure what to think. Hankyung moved so that he was holding Heechul out at arm’s length.
“Heechul-ah,” Hankyung said clearing his throat. “Heechul, I…I…I want to stay, but only if you want me to.”
It took Heechul five minutes to process what Hankyung had said. It took that long because he had Hankyung repeat it, explain it, repeat it again and explain it one last time.
“So, you’re staying?” Heechul asked just to make sure.
Hankyung laughed. “Yes, I’m staying. Not, with SM, but there are lots of things I can do here and you’re always welcomed to move in with me or you can come visit as often as you want. You know I’m just down a couple of street, near Siwon actually.”
“I’m moving in with you.”
“See, now that wasn’t so hard was it?” Hankyung asked. “It only took five minutes. That’s nothing compared to the five years it took you to realize you loved me.”
“Who said they loved you?”
Hankyung laughed and hugged him. Heechul let him because in the end what are five minutes compared to five years.
A/N: There we go and I hope it was good or at the very least bearable =)
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I need to sleep but yay you're here!!!!!!!!!!
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it took FOREVER for heechul to realize it ><
leeteuk was cute too~ thank him because if it weren't for him thinking about kangin then hanchul would have never gotten together!
for some reason my favorite part was hannie telling heechul over the phone that they were not going to have this conversion over the phone xD for some weird reason <3 ^^
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I am so glad that you thought it was cute and that you liked it!
Yes it did take forever but Geng is patient and he can wait.
YES! GO LEETEUK!!! *hugs Super Junior's leader*
ahaha I liked the phone conversation too. While I was writing it I kept going "aren't they not going to talk about this? Why are they talking about it?"
But, I am happy that you liked it! Fluffy hanchul yes!!!!!!!!!
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what's this? no smut and a plot? amazing!! XD (just kidding. i always love the plots~)
i dunno, i just loved this one a lot~
especially this bit::
He let Hankyung lead them, let Hankyung take them away and it was then that he realized that he’s in love. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t trust just anyone, but he trusts Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul doesn’t forgive, but he forgives Hankyung. He knows because Kim Heechul is always in control, but he’s not in control now. He knows because normally not being in control would make him angry, but he doesn’t mind, not if it’s Hankyung.
ahh, this one-shot/story thingy was love~~~ <33333
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I am so happy that you liked it! It has KangTeuk AND hanchul! YAY!!!!!!!
*is happy forever*
<333333333333333333333
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I wrote cute hanchul!!!! yay for fluff and stuff XD
<3333333
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Thanks =)
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SPOT FOR ME JUST CUZ I SAY SO. ;P
Re: SPOT FOR ME JUST CUZ I SAY SO. ;P
Hi there! I finally got back to the Hanchul!
O: *takes GengInLeather*
*spazzes*
I love you <3333333333333
Re: SPOT FOR ME JUST CUZ I SAY SO. ;P
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The phone conversation was aksdhjddskjha Geng not wanting to say it over the phone <3
-sigh-
I want to read more lol
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I am so glad that you liked it! =) Thank you so much! I am super happy that you enjoyed it! I will write more I promise. Thanks for reading!
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I'm glad you liked it!!!!!!! <3
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But, Yes I am actually working on the KangTeuk back story for this at the moment. I am so happy that you liked it! And yeah, I know, Heechul, but he just came to me like that and demanded that I write him that way so what Heechul says goes =)
I'm glad you liked it and thanks =)
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ANA YOUR FAULT I CRIED OVER KANGTEUK. YOU LET MY UMMA CRY ALONE HEECHUL YOU IDIOT AT LEAST AFTER YOU GOT YOUR CHINE PRINCE HELP YOUR MOTHER FOR ONCE ALDFHLAJDSFHLAJSHFLJAHFLJAHDFLJAHDLAHDLJ ;A;
YOU OWE ME A HAPPY KANGETUKXD
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Heechul is going. He'll fix. It. I'll have the happy KangTeuk for you soon. I have free time to work on it today so yay!!!!!!!!! =)
*picks up laptop and goes off to write a happy KangTeuk*
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting and thanks!
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I loved this, bb! I wish we knew how Kangin felt or what ended up happening with them too. I'm glad Hankyung came back and I'm glad Heechul figured it out.
*hugs*
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*comes back*
He wasn't lying =/ Poor Heechul. Sometimes he doesn't know any better. *pats Heechul's head* I am glad you liked this!
There is a story for the KangTeuk. I am working on it hopefully soon =)
*hugs you too*
<33333333333
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Hanchul is the best!
Thanks for posting this <3.
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I am so glad you liked it! Thanks so much for commenting!
YES HANCHUL IS MADE OF THE BEST STUFF ON EARTH!!!!! HANCHUL HANCHUL HANCHUL HANCHUL HANCHUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*calms down*
No problem dear. Thank you for reading.
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I am glad you liked it!
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I am glad you liked it! Yes, I'm working on one right now and I think it's going to be Hanchul or more like Hankyung centric but it's going to have more pairings.
Aw broken computer!
I am glad it made you happy =)
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Hot icon is hot!!!!
Thank you very much =) I am glad you liked it!
O: YOU HAVE NEVER READ SUJU BEFORE!!!!
*makes note to thank Victoria*
I am so flattered and happy that this was the first Suju fic you've read. Thank you so much for reading and I am really glad you liked it. <3
*shared peanut butter*
=)
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fuckingtime which will be probably on Tuesday -.-"love <3
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I need to get better at the leaving spot thing =/
I keep forgetting because when I post these things it's usually late.
Take your time. It's okay.
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Naturally, your epic Hanchul deserves much mention. How typical of Heechul to just confess and then hang up. But oh! I wasn't expecting for Hankyung to show up. That was a very nice surprise :D And that last sentence... *sighs happily* So good, so very good. I really enjoyed seeing everything from Heechul's perspective- you portrayed his thoughts incredibly well &hearts Though Hankyung never did say how he got Heechul's new number *cough*stalker*cough* XD
Loved it~ ^.^
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aw <3
Thank you so much and I am glad that you liked the hanchul. Those two make my day like you wouldn't believe. I am glad i got Heechul through =) He's pretty difficult., likes to argue with me =/
HANKYUNG IS A PROFESSIONAL STALKER!!!!!!!
Thank you again <3
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this was great *g*
I really loved it, well done! :D
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I am glad you liked it and thanks for the comment and for reading !!!
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I went in to check my inbox and <3333333333333 *clings to you*
Thank you so much for the comments and go right ahead and I am just happy that you would even want to draw inspiration from these fics and just YAY!!!!
I am happy you liked it and I am so glad you found my LJ and that it helped with the hanchul aching heart because shisus knows mine has yet to be satisfied. Everyone is writing these angst fics that just tear my hanchul heart and throw it out the window. FLUFF HAPPY HANCHUL IS LOVE <33333333333333333
Thank you so much. This means a lot to me <3
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>_>
<_< ANA. I HAVE NO SPOT!!!!!!!! *pouts* OMG. YOU! YOU! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BAWLING MY EYES OUT RIGHT NOW. HOW CAN YOU WRITE SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFULLY PAINFUL.?!?!??! OMG. GENG. I MISS YOU. MY GOSH ANA. HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME CRY ON NEW YEARS. I-I-I- ANA. I MISS HIM. I MISS GENG SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG... I'm upset now.... Ps. .... i'm gonna cheer myself up with your KyuMin..... Pps. This fic just reminded me of how much Heenim was hurting when Geng left..... Ppps. and how much Geng was hurting before he left.... *BAWLS EYES OUT*
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It seems like I read Heechul journal ^^
I cried when I finish reading this...
Thank you so much for this wonderful story...
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I am glad you liked it <333333
Thank you for reading and commenting <333
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with the crying and then the flailing and then the squeeing...
that moment when Hankyung came back i nearly screamed XD
and i would've... if i wasn't in public. lol
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA LIKE ZOMMGGG HANNIE YOU CAME BACK!!!
YOU. CAME. BACK.
TO TELL HEECHUL THAT YOU LOVED HIM.
/DIES