static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-09 10:32 pm
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-09 10:32 pm
Entry tags:
Like Velvet Chapter 7
Title: Like Velvet
Pairing: Sihan
Genre: drama, romance, angst, (stripper!Geng) AU
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan
[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A] [Chapter 5B] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]
A/N: *glares at the Kyumin* I know there is like no Kyumin here but they are killing me sdjhfaflfa argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are they so hard to write. Come on Kyuhyun! Help me! and jhdsgfhja at the reactions I got for the kyuhan because they made me so happy because kyuhan is sdjhfdjs and i love them and and and *rambles* Annie look more and it wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be and I am happy and I love you okay <3
Siwon didn't know what to do. A kiss. A hug. A few words spoken. It wasn't enough. He had been holding this back, hiding what he most wanted, had been so deprived for so long. It was an addiction. Hankyung was an addiction that he had never overcome.
Like any other addict who had let his addiction go, he was suffering. It had been okay. As long as he didn't think about Hankyung, as long as he didn't see him, he would be fine, not perfect but fine. The addict misses his drug but if it's not there then there is nothing he can do. Once you place it in front of him again, no matter how long you made him wait, once it's there, an addict always falls.
Siwon was addicted, addicted to that accented Korean, to those brown eyes, to those lips, those sighs. Siwon was a slave to those feelings that plagued him, that owned him, that haunted his dreams.
How could he stay away? How could he not go find Hankyung? How could he give him up now that Hankyung was here, now that Siwon knew that Hankyung didn't hold a grudge? How could he let go the one person he had loved in his pathetic, limited, controlled life? How could he let go of Hankyung?
He couldn't. Didn't want to.
He had his decision made. He was already halfway to Heechul's house when he changed direction. Sungmin. He had to get to Sungmin because he needed to have something to back him up, someone to lie for him when his parents came calling. He had to get to Sungmin and then once he had all the tracks covered, once he knew his parents would never find him, only then would he go back to Hankyung. He had to protect him, had to keep him safe.
He ran to the bookstore, thanked every divinity that he knew of for the trust his parents had given him. He was glad they didn’t follow him anymore. He was glad he was finally going to do this. He ran into the bookstore without bothering to look inside. He was too concentrated, the possibilities of being alone with Hankyung, of being able to explain after all this time, it was overwhelming.
“It was my pleasure.”
Kyuhyun.
Siwon watched as Kyuhyun leaned over, placed that kiss on Hankyung’s cheek. He watched the smile on Hankyung’s face. He watched it all and he understood the feeling that nearly had him falling over.
Anger.
Jealousy.
Call it whatever you want. It made his blood boil, made him see red, made him wish that he had the power to make Kyuhyun disappear then and there. Siwon was not a person to hate, had never been taught to hate, but he was so close to it, so very close.
The mere idea of anyone else holding Hankyung, of having what he wanted, had so close to hating. Irrational. It was irrational for him to be angry over this, so innocent and sweet and so obviously caring, so obviously a friendship. But, Siwon had left rationality back in that club when he had first seen Hankyung. He was not rational, would never be rational again because this was all so wrong and he still wanted it.
“Kyuhyun.” Siwon said because he didn’t want Kyuhyun there, wanted Kyuhyun to look away, wanted that smiling face for him alone.
“What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asked.
“I came to see Sungmin.” Siwon said angry because he wanted to be, had to be, couldn’t help but be. “What happened Kyuhyun? I thought you liked Sungmin. I thought I could trust you. What are you doing with Han Geng?”
“How do you know Hankyung?” Kyuhyun asked.
But, Siwon didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was giving away more than he should. All he could see, all he cared about was how Kyuhyun had touched Hankyung.
“I need to talk to you.” Siwon said, his voice softer as he looked at Hankyung.
“You don’t need to talk to him.” Kyuhyun said stepping forward.
“No.” Hankyung said taking Siwon’s hand. “It’s okay. I promise. I want to talk to him.”
Siwon almost pulled away when that hand touched his. Too familiar. Everything was so familiar, so right. It hit him in the right way. He wanted it, needed it, couldn’t think, didn’t want to think. He let Hankyung take his hand, reached over to take those books out of those hands.
Hankyung liked horror. Siwon had bought him a book long ago, had taken his allowance, saved it up to the last cent and bought Hankyung the book he had wanted, had taken him to eat, treated him like the angel on earth that he was.
“Where are we going Siwon?” Hankyung asked and Siwon could almost hear the smile in his voice.
“I need to talk to you.” Siwon answered.
Siwon turned. A bad idea.
They were in a corner of the bookstore, the science fiction corner, near the bathroom. Hankyung leaned back against the books and looked at Siwon. Siwon didn’t understand, would never understand.
Desire.
Velvet is smooth and soft and it is beautiful, soft to the touch. Siwon was five when he first felt velvet. Five when he buried his face in that scarf. Smooth and perfect. Desire was velvet. His desire was velvet. It filled him and he buried himself in it.
He looked at the man before him, at those soft brown eyes, at that smile. Velvet. Smooth and perfect skin, smooth and perfect and desire was that. He made no sense to himself, made no sense to the rest of the world, but he knew what made sense and in that moment the only thing that mattered was that.
He reached for it, reached for the only thing that was real and it was Hankyung.
“Siwon?” Hankyung said watching him. “I remember.”
Siwon looked at him. They had to talk. He had to tell Hankyung everything, had to make it clear what he felt, what he wanted. Siwon needed time to explain, to say what he had wanted to say. But, he knew even as he looked at Hankyung that there was no time. He had no time, not unless he could do what he had to do, not unless he was brave enough to give up his ordered life.
But, he would do anything, anything for Hankyung. Bravery they told him once came when we most needed it, when we most wanted it. It came to those who had much to lose but so much more to gain. Siwon was not brave, had nothing to lose, nothing to gain.
Not until that moment.
“Siwon.” Hankyung whispered reaching out to touch Siwon’s face. “Can I?”
Siwon closed his eyes and leaned into that touch. Soft. He sighed, suppressed the same images that had haunted him for the past two years. How had he managed to keep them away for three years? How had he managed to push this touch, those long fingers that were moving to the back of his neck?
He couldn’t breathe, didn’t remember how to do it because Hankyung’s face was there in front of his and he didn’t need to open his eyes to know that those eyes were looking at him.
“Am I that different?” He asked finally allowing him to look.
That face was so close. Innocence. Innocence marred by all those years in that house. Innocence lost because of him, because he could have gotten Hankyung out and he hadn’t. Those eyes wouldn’t be as lost if he had done something.
“You grew.” Hankyung whispered. “I need you to touch me.”
Siwon shivered at the words. He wanted to. He needed to. He reached out a hand, cupped that soft cheek. He watched as Hankyung melted against him, fell into his arms. He heard the sharp intake of breath as Hankyung fell into that space between his arms.
“I never forgot.” Hankyung said taking Siwon’s hand and letting the books fall. “You were so young back then, so small. I liked your eyes always. I didn’t think you would remember. I didn’t think you would come back. Why didn’t you come back Siwon?”
Siwon sighed. He let his head rest on top of Hankyung’s head. “I wanted to. But, I was sixteen and I had parents and they mold you even if you don’t want them to. I wanted to go back. I wanted to so much. I didn’t sleep in the beginning. I dreamt about you.”
“Have I changed?”
“You’re beautiful.” Siwon answered.
“You’re a lot taller now.” Hankyung said. “More muscle. Makes me want to be the one to lie down for you.”
Siwon shuddered violently, reaching out to grasp Hankyung’s shoulders.
“No.” He said pushing Hankyung away. “I’m not them. I’m not paying you. You don’t have to act for me.”
He broke at the hands on his neck, at the nod. Lips against lips, hands on the back of his neck. They both remembered. Hankyung remembered, remembered the fingers on the nape of Siwon’s neck. Siwon remembered that hands on his neck made Hankyung gasp.
They kissed and Siwon forgot that it had been five years. He forgot that they were in a bookstore because Hankyung was pulling on him, pulling him into the bathroom and he was reaching to lock the door. He was too far gone, too far to stop because it had been so long and he wanted it.
He wanted to have that body against his, those gasps by his ear, those legs around his waist. He wanted it all. He wanted to look into those eyes, wanted to be connected. He remembered their last time. He had been so young, so easy to move. Hankyung had taught him, had showed him and he’d learned. He’d learned that a roll of hips form Hankyung could have him screaming, could have him feeling that intense pleasure.
And he wanted Hankyung to feel the same. He wanted this man, exotic and lovely beneath him, watching him, coming for him, screaming his name. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and he wanted it.
The kiss was not soft. It was hard and rough and it had Siwon and Hankyung both gasping and reaching for each other blindly. Hands and legs and then Siwon remembered. He pushed Hankyung up on the sink, took those legs and put them around his waist. But, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same when there was so much in between them, not the same when it was a sink, not the same when Siwon knew they wouldn’t be able to do anything.
But, he didn’t mind. He just wanted the closeness, the feel of that mouth on his, those hands on the back of his neck. And then Hankyung moved and the growl that left his mouth was not something he ever remembered.
“I want you Siwon.” Hankyung gasped. “Please.”
Too much clothes in the way again and then Hankyung was unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers gripping Siwon’s shoulders when the other man pulled him up. Siwon winced at the sound Hankyung made when he hit the wall, but the other sound, the moan from deep within had him yanking Hankyung against him.
“Put me down Siwon.” Hankyung whispered.
Siwon did because there was nothing he would have denied Hankyung. He let him go and then Hankyung’s hand was around him and he had his head thrown back and there was nothing more to say, to do, nothing but feel. He gasped, came much too quick for his liking. He came with Hankyung’s name on his lips, images of the other man moving above him running through his head.
“Let me.” He rasped reaching out to Hankyung when the other man reached down for himself.
Siwon watched Hankyung’s arched back, watched the way Hankyung unraveled in his hand, in his arms. And when Hankyung moaned his name Siwon swore there was nothing more beautiful, nothing more perfect than Hankyung.
He was careful when they were cleaning up. He pushed back the hair that was stuck to Hankyung’s forehead, kissed up the side of Hankyung’s face as he pulled their clothes back together. Siwon was careful, so careful, so gentle. It was all a dream. It was still too unreal to him, too much like insubstantial air, something that could disappear if he wasn’t careful, could break if he wasn’t gentle.
“I love you.”
Siwon felt Hankyung stiffen in his arms, heard the disbelief in the way Hankyung breathed his next words.
“Don’t say that.”
Siwon moved away, took Hankyung’s face in his hands. “I love you.”
He said once, twice, repeated it until Hankyung was kissing him, was holding him close, was whispering back to him.
“Siwon.”
“This time I won’t let you go.”
They went out together, hand in hand, the promise of more later hanging heavy and meaningful between them. There was no doubt in either of their minds that they would spend the night together. Siwon intended for that night together, that one, the one after and as many as came their way.
“Are you hungry?” Siwon asked wondering and marveling at that feeling that had left him feeling light.
Happiness. So new to him. So precious also as insubstantial as this. He held on tighter to Hankyung’s hand because at any moment it would be over, at any moment this would end and he wasn’t ready for that, not yet.
“I am.” Hankyung answered looking for all the world like a dream.
“We can go to this restaurant I know.” Siwon was saying.
He stopped when he saw who was standing in his way, who was blocking him from getting to the outside, from getting to where he wanted to be, alone with Hankyung.
“Heechul-ah.” Hankyung said smiling.
“Come here Hankyung.” Heechul said extending his hand.
Siwon watched the way Hankyung hesitated. He squeezed the hand he had in his and let go. Hankyung gave him a quick look and then went over to Heechul.
“What is it?” Siwon asked.
Heechul’s eyes told him everything. Siwon didn’t need to hear the words, didn’t need to feel that fist connect with the side of this face. He didn’t hit back and Heechul only went for that one punch. He looked up, refused to look at Hankyung, knew what this would do to them.
“You are one sick, twisted bastard.” Heechul spat. “Coward. Stupid coward. You make me sick. I didn’t think it would be you Siwonnie. I thought your parents would have made you a better person. I didn’t think you had picked up their habits. Get what you want, any way you want without giving a damn about who you hurt or step on.”
“Heechul-ah, what are you talking about?” Hankyung asked.
“He knows Heechul.” Siwon said.
“He knows?” Heechul asked. “He knows that it was your family that was paying Daejung to keep him there, that you didn’t do anything to get him out of there, that you lied? He knows, but I didn’t know Siwon. I didn’t know and if you think I’m going to let you go to him after all of that then you’re stupider than I thought you were.”
“That’s not for you to decide.” Siwon said because he was not giving in. He couldn’t, not after all this, not after what had just happened.
“Heechul.” Hankyung said once more reaching for the other man.
Siwon watched the way Heechul faltered.
“He loves me.” Siwon said. “He loves me and I love him.”
Siwon saw the look in Heechul’s eyes. Heechul who had protected Hankyung, who had watched him, who wanted to protect him. Siwon could understand him, could understand why Heechul was doing this.
“He may love you.” Heechul said. “But, you know you can’t make him happy.”
“I can.”
Heechul shook his head. He walked over to Siwon and handed over a folded piece of paper.
“They saw you and he’s involved. If that gets out it’s not only you, it’s him too. And you know you can’t say no to your parents. And as long as that’s true you can’t make him happy.”
Siwon unfolded the paper. It was a picture, three to be exact. One of him and Hankyung looking at each other. One of him and Hankyung kissing, holding each other. One of him and Hankyung in each other’s arms. He was wearing the mask in the first one and the second one, but not the third.
“Do you even know where the mask is?” Heechul asked, but there was no more venom in his voice.
“I have it.” Hankyung whispered.
“Let him go.” Heechul said.
Siwon shook his head. “No.”
He wasn’t letting go. He couldn’t. How was he supposed to? How as he supposed to let this man go, after all this time. How was he supposed to give up who he wanted, who he had dreamt about? How was he supposed to lose again?
He couldn’t. He refused to, not this time, not ever again.
“Come Hankyung.” Heechul said taking Hankyung’s hand.
Stay, Siwon thought, stay. He thought it desperately, thought it as loud as he could. He locked eyes with Hankyung, knew in that moment what it would feel like to drown in those eyes. Stay. Stay. Stay.
But, Hankyung didn’t understand or didn’t want to because his eyes were sorry, but he went. He let Heechul pull him along, let Heechul pull him away and no matter how hard Siwon wished he would stay, Hankyung didn’t.
“Siwon.” Sungmin said coming from somewhere.
“He left.” Siwon said looking at the door where Hankyung had gone.
Empty.
The whole world was empty and pointless if Hankyung wasn’t in it.
“You never asked him to stay.”
A/N: jdhsfsdhjld Siwon!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs all over the place* I need to go and comfort myself now because I don't know how this turned out because I was writing it but I can never tell and this chapter had me worried and sdjfhdsj. I am going to go and finish up the next chapter now, but I should probably go and answer the comments. Yes, let me do that.
Pairing: Sihan
Genre: drama, romance, angst, (stripper!Geng) AU
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A] [Chapter 5B] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]
A/N: *glares at the Kyumin* I know there is like no Kyumin here but they are killing me sdjhfaflfa argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are they so hard to write. Come on Kyuhyun! Help me! and jhdsgfhja at the reactions I got for the kyuhan because they made me so happy because kyuhan is sdjhfdjs and i love them and and and *rambles* Annie look more and it wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be and I am happy and I love you okay <3
Siwon didn't know what to do. A kiss. A hug. A few words spoken. It wasn't enough. He had been holding this back, hiding what he most wanted, had been so deprived for so long. It was an addiction. Hankyung was an addiction that he had never overcome.
Like any other addict who had let his addiction go, he was suffering. It had been okay. As long as he didn't think about Hankyung, as long as he didn't see him, he would be fine, not perfect but fine. The addict misses his drug but if it's not there then there is nothing he can do. Once you place it in front of him again, no matter how long you made him wait, once it's there, an addict always falls.
Siwon was addicted, addicted to that accented Korean, to those brown eyes, to those lips, those sighs. Siwon was a slave to those feelings that plagued him, that owned him, that haunted his dreams.
How could he stay away? How could he not go find Hankyung? How could he give him up now that Hankyung was here, now that Siwon knew that Hankyung didn't hold a grudge? How could he let go the one person he had loved in his pathetic, limited, controlled life? How could he let go of Hankyung?
He couldn't. Didn't want to.
He had his decision made. He was already halfway to Heechul's house when he changed direction. Sungmin. He had to get to Sungmin because he needed to have something to back him up, someone to lie for him when his parents came calling. He had to get to Sungmin and then once he had all the tracks covered, once he knew his parents would never find him, only then would he go back to Hankyung. He had to protect him, had to keep him safe.
He ran to the bookstore, thanked every divinity that he knew of for the trust his parents had given him. He was glad they didn’t follow him anymore. He was glad he was finally going to do this. He ran into the bookstore without bothering to look inside. He was too concentrated, the possibilities of being alone with Hankyung, of being able to explain after all this time, it was overwhelming.
“It was my pleasure.”
Kyuhyun.
Siwon watched as Kyuhyun leaned over, placed that kiss on Hankyung’s cheek. He watched the smile on Hankyung’s face. He watched it all and he understood the feeling that nearly had him falling over.
Anger.
Jealousy.
Call it whatever you want. It made his blood boil, made him see red, made him wish that he had the power to make Kyuhyun disappear then and there. Siwon was not a person to hate, had never been taught to hate, but he was so close to it, so very close.
The mere idea of anyone else holding Hankyung, of having what he wanted, had so close to hating. Irrational. It was irrational for him to be angry over this, so innocent and sweet and so obviously caring, so obviously a friendship. But, Siwon had left rationality back in that club when he had first seen Hankyung. He was not rational, would never be rational again because this was all so wrong and he still wanted it.
“Kyuhyun.” Siwon said because he didn’t want Kyuhyun there, wanted Kyuhyun to look away, wanted that smiling face for him alone.
“What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asked.
“I came to see Sungmin.” Siwon said angry because he wanted to be, had to be, couldn’t help but be. “What happened Kyuhyun? I thought you liked Sungmin. I thought I could trust you. What are you doing with Han Geng?”
“How do you know Hankyung?” Kyuhyun asked.
But, Siwon didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was giving away more than he should. All he could see, all he cared about was how Kyuhyun had touched Hankyung.
“I need to talk to you.” Siwon said, his voice softer as he looked at Hankyung.
“You don’t need to talk to him.” Kyuhyun said stepping forward.
“No.” Hankyung said taking Siwon’s hand. “It’s okay. I promise. I want to talk to him.”
Siwon almost pulled away when that hand touched his. Too familiar. Everything was so familiar, so right. It hit him in the right way. He wanted it, needed it, couldn’t think, didn’t want to think. He let Hankyung take his hand, reached over to take those books out of those hands.
Hankyung liked horror. Siwon had bought him a book long ago, had taken his allowance, saved it up to the last cent and bought Hankyung the book he had wanted, had taken him to eat, treated him like the angel on earth that he was.
“Where are we going Siwon?” Hankyung asked and Siwon could almost hear the smile in his voice.
“I need to talk to you.” Siwon answered.
Siwon turned. A bad idea.
They were in a corner of the bookstore, the science fiction corner, near the bathroom. Hankyung leaned back against the books and looked at Siwon. Siwon didn’t understand, would never understand.
Desire.
Velvet is smooth and soft and it is beautiful, soft to the touch. Siwon was five when he first felt velvet. Five when he buried his face in that scarf. Smooth and perfect. Desire was velvet. His desire was velvet. It filled him and he buried himself in it.
He looked at the man before him, at those soft brown eyes, at that smile. Velvet. Smooth and perfect skin, smooth and perfect and desire was that. He made no sense to himself, made no sense to the rest of the world, but he knew what made sense and in that moment the only thing that mattered was that.
He reached for it, reached for the only thing that was real and it was Hankyung.
“Siwon?” Hankyung said watching him. “I remember.”
Siwon looked at him. They had to talk. He had to tell Hankyung everything, had to make it clear what he felt, what he wanted. Siwon needed time to explain, to say what he had wanted to say. But, he knew even as he looked at Hankyung that there was no time. He had no time, not unless he could do what he had to do, not unless he was brave enough to give up his ordered life.
But, he would do anything, anything for Hankyung. Bravery they told him once came when we most needed it, when we most wanted it. It came to those who had much to lose but so much more to gain. Siwon was not brave, had nothing to lose, nothing to gain.
Not until that moment.
“Siwon.” Hankyung whispered reaching out to touch Siwon’s face. “Can I?”
Siwon closed his eyes and leaned into that touch. Soft. He sighed, suppressed the same images that had haunted him for the past two years. How had he managed to keep them away for three years? How had he managed to push this touch, those long fingers that were moving to the back of his neck?
He couldn’t breathe, didn’t remember how to do it because Hankyung’s face was there in front of his and he didn’t need to open his eyes to know that those eyes were looking at him.
“Am I that different?” He asked finally allowing him to look.
That face was so close. Innocence. Innocence marred by all those years in that house. Innocence lost because of him, because he could have gotten Hankyung out and he hadn’t. Those eyes wouldn’t be as lost if he had done something.
“You grew.” Hankyung whispered. “I need you to touch me.”
Siwon shivered at the words. He wanted to. He needed to. He reached out a hand, cupped that soft cheek. He watched as Hankyung melted against him, fell into his arms. He heard the sharp intake of breath as Hankyung fell into that space between his arms.
“I never forgot.” Hankyung said taking Siwon’s hand and letting the books fall. “You were so young back then, so small. I liked your eyes always. I didn’t think you would remember. I didn’t think you would come back. Why didn’t you come back Siwon?”
Siwon sighed. He let his head rest on top of Hankyung’s head. “I wanted to. But, I was sixteen and I had parents and they mold you even if you don’t want them to. I wanted to go back. I wanted to so much. I didn’t sleep in the beginning. I dreamt about you.”
“Have I changed?”
“You’re beautiful.” Siwon answered.
“You’re a lot taller now.” Hankyung said. “More muscle. Makes me want to be the one to lie down for you.”
Siwon shuddered violently, reaching out to grasp Hankyung’s shoulders.
“No.” He said pushing Hankyung away. “I’m not them. I’m not paying you. You don’t have to act for me.”
He broke at the hands on his neck, at the nod. Lips against lips, hands on the back of his neck. They both remembered. Hankyung remembered, remembered the fingers on the nape of Siwon’s neck. Siwon remembered that hands on his neck made Hankyung gasp.
They kissed and Siwon forgot that it had been five years. He forgot that they were in a bookstore because Hankyung was pulling on him, pulling him into the bathroom and he was reaching to lock the door. He was too far gone, too far to stop because it had been so long and he wanted it.
He wanted to have that body against his, those gasps by his ear, those legs around his waist. He wanted it all. He wanted to look into those eyes, wanted to be connected. He remembered their last time. He had been so young, so easy to move. Hankyung had taught him, had showed him and he’d learned. He’d learned that a roll of hips form Hankyung could have him screaming, could have him feeling that intense pleasure.
And he wanted Hankyung to feel the same. He wanted this man, exotic and lovely beneath him, watching him, coming for him, screaming his name. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful and he wanted it.
The kiss was not soft. It was hard and rough and it had Siwon and Hankyung both gasping and reaching for each other blindly. Hands and legs and then Siwon remembered. He pushed Hankyung up on the sink, took those legs and put them around his waist. But, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same when there was so much in between them, not the same when it was a sink, not the same when Siwon knew they wouldn’t be able to do anything.
But, he didn’t mind. He just wanted the closeness, the feel of that mouth on his, those hands on the back of his neck. And then Hankyung moved and the growl that left his mouth was not something he ever remembered.
“I want you Siwon.” Hankyung gasped. “Please.”
Too much clothes in the way again and then Hankyung was unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers gripping Siwon’s shoulders when the other man pulled him up. Siwon winced at the sound Hankyung made when he hit the wall, but the other sound, the moan from deep within had him yanking Hankyung against him.
“Put me down Siwon.” Hankyung whispered.
Siwon did because there was nothing he would have denied Hankyung. He let him go and then Hankyung’s hand was around him and he had his head thrown back and there was nothing more to say, to do, nothing but feel. He gasped, came much too quick for his liking. He came with Hankyung’s name on his lips, images of the other man moving above him running through his head.
“Let me.” He rasped reaching out to Hankyung when the other man reached down for himself.
Siwon watched Hankyung’s arched back, watched the way Hankyung unraveled in his hand, in his arms. And when Hankyung moaned his name Siwon swore there was nothing more beautiful, nothing more perfect than Hankyung.
He was careful when they were cleaning up. He pushed back the hair that was stuck to Hankyung’s forehead, kissed up the side of Hankyung’s face as he pulled their clothes back together. Siwon was careful, so careful, so gentle. It was all a dream. It was still too unreal to him, too much like insubstantial air, something that could disappear if he wasn’t careful, could break if he wasn’t gentle.
“I love you.”
Siwon felt Hankyung stiffen in his arms, heard the disbelief in the way Hankyung breathed his next words.
“Don’t say that.”
Siwon moved away, took Hankyung’s face in his hands. “I love you.”
He said once, twice, repeated it until Hankyung was kissing him, was holding him close, was whispering back to him.
“Siwon.”
“This time I won’t let you go.”
They went out together, hand in hand, the promise of more later hanging heavy and meaningful between them. There was no doubt in either of their minds that they would spend the night together. Siwon intended for that night together, that one, the one after and as many as came their way.
“Are you hungry?” Siwon asked wondering and marveling at that feeling that had left him feeling light.
Happiness. So new to him. So precious also as insubstantial as this. He held on tighter to Hankyung’s hand because at any moment it would be over, at any moment this would end and he wasn’t ready for that, not yet.
“I am.” Hankyung answered looking for all the world like a dream.
“We can go to this restaurant I know.” Siwon was saying.
He stopped when he saw who was standing in his way, who was blocking him from getting to the outside, from getting to where he wanted to be, alone with Hankyung.
“Heechul-ah.” Hankyung said smiling.
“Come here Hankyung.” Heechul said extending his hand.
Siwon watched the way Hankyung hesitated. He squeezed the hand he had in his and let go. Hankyung gave him a quick look and then went over to Heechul.
“What is it?” Siwon asked.
Heechul’s eyes told him everything. Siwon didn’t need to hear the words, didn’t need to feel that fist connect with the side of this face. He didn’t hit back and Heechul only went for that one punch. He looked up, refused to look at Hankyung, knew what this would do to them.
“You are one sick, twisted bastard.” Heechul spat. “Coward. Stupid coward. You make me sick. I didn’t think it would be you Siwonnie. I thought your parents would have made you a better person. I didn’t think you had picked up their habits. Get what you want, any way you want without giving a damn about who you hurt or step on.”
“Heechul-ah, what are you talking about?” Hankyung asked.
“He knows Heechul.” Siwon said.
“He knows?” Heechul asked. “He knows that it was your family that was paying Daejung to keep him there, that you didn’t do anything to get him out of there, that you lied? He knows, but I didn’t know Siwon. I didn’t know and if you think I’m going to let you go to him after all of that then you’re stupider than I thought you were.”
“That’s not for you to decide.” Siwon said because he was not giving in. He couldn’t, not after all this, not after what had just happened.
“Heechul.” Hankyung said once more reaching for the other man.
Siwon watched the way Heechul faltered.
“He loves me.” Siwon said. “He loves me and I love him.”
Siwon saw the look in Heechul’s eyes. Heechul who had protected Hankyung, who had watched him, who wanted to protect him. Siwon could understand him, could understand why Heechul was doing this.
“He may love you.” Heechul said. “But, you know you can’t make him happy.”
“I can.”
Heechul shook his head. He walked over to Siwon and handed over a folded piece of paper.
“They saw you and he’s involved. If that gets out it’s not only you, it’s him too. And you know you can’t say no to your parents. And as long as that’s true you can’t make him happy.”
Siwon unfolded the paper. It was a picture, three to be exact. One of him and Hankyung looking at each other. One of him and Hankyung kissing, holding each other. One of him and Hankyung in each other’s arms. He was wearing the mask in the first one and the second one, but not the third.
“Do you even know where the mask is?” Heechul asked, but there was no more venom in his voice.
“I have it.” Hankyung whispered.
“Let him go.” Heechul said.
Siwon shook his head. “No.”
He wasn’t letting go. He couldn’t. How was he supposed to? How as he supposed to let this man go, after all this time. How was he supposed to give up who he wanted, who he had dreamt about? How was he supposed to lose again?
He couldn’t. He refused to, not this time, not ever again.
“Come Hankyung.” Heechul said taking Hankyung’s hand.
Stay, Siwon thought, stay. He thought it desperately, thought it as loud as he could. He locked eyes with Hankyung, knew in that moment what it would feel like to drown in those eyes. Stay. Stay. Stay.
But, Hankyung didn’t understand or didn’t want to because his eyes were sorry, but he went. He let Heechul pull him along, let Heechul pull him away and no matter how hard Siwon wished he would stay, Hankyung didn’t.
“Siwon.” Sungmin said coming from somewhere.
“He left.” Siwon said looking at the door where Hankyung had gone.
Empty.
The whole world was empty and pointless if Hankyung wasn’t in it.
“You never asked him to stay.”
A/N: jdhsfsdhjld Siwon!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs all over the place* I need to go and comfort myself now because I don't know how this turned out because I was writing it but I can never tell and this chapter had me worried and sdjfhdsj. I am going to go and finish up the next chapter now, but I should probably go and answer the comments. Yes, let me do that.
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