static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-06 10:09 pm
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-06 10:09 pm
Entry tags:
Like Velvet Chapter 4
Title: Like Velvet
Pairing: Sihan, Kyumin, past!KangTeuk
Genre: drama, romance, angst
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan.
[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A]
A/N: Hello there dear babies. I love you all and here is the next chapter of this fic. I am so happy with it. And just because I like to be mean to Annie I want to say *hugs chapter 5 and 6 and half of chapter 7* *runs away with said chapters* I love you <3 And well since you basically own me and play with me and make me do whatever you want I guess I can also tell you HANHAE =) *smiles all evi like* Annie I love you <3 *squishes you forever* And omg sdjhfkjldshfkjas I have written the Sihan I have written it *cough* chapter 5 and 6 *cough* And now I am off <3
Freedom. It was new to Hankyung. It was something he had never contemplated. Freedom. Sweet word. He was free.
Never before had he had this. Never before had he been allowed to wake at whatever hour he pleased. Never before had he been allowed to go where he pleased. Never before had he been in control of his own life.
He was free, entirely free and he owed it all to Heechul.
He loved living with Heechul and Zhou Mi. He loved them both. He loved watching them argue and laugh and flirt. He loved it because he was free and everything was so much better. He was free.
***
Siwon walked along the streets wondering when he had changed so much. When had he become this man? When had he given up the young boy who had been willing to sacrifice everything for love? Where was the young man who promised to love and to help? Where was the young man who promised the world to that dancer named Hankyung?
Siwon sighed. He knew where that young man was. How could he not know? His parents had changed him, had taught him that family came first, that duty called and won over the desires that ruled you.
He was his family. He lived for his family. His father wanted someone to take over the company and he had to be there. His father and mother wanted grandchildren and he had to provide them. His mother and father wanted him to marry SooYoung and he had to do it. And if not SooYoung then some other girl that would bring them more money. There was nothing he could do to change that.
Whatever happened, whatever he wanted would always come second to the wishes of his family. That was his life, his cross, his way. He knew. He was told, no matter how far he strayed, he would always have to come back. So he didn’t stray because coming back hurt too much.
He chose to push away the images of that dancer, chose to forget the way he used to unravel, chose to forget what it felt like to have those legs around his waist, those whispers by his ear. He told himself that the reason he was going into that bar was because he had to talk to Kyuhyun.
He told himself that the beating of his heart had nothing to do with the fact that he was going back to that place after all those years. He told himself that he wasn't hoping to catch a glimpse of those slender legs and tanned skin. He told himself that this was entirely for Sungmin's sake, that he was here to do what he had to as a friend. This wasn't for him, not at all.
And still, none of that stopped him from casting his eyes out for a glimpse of the man he knew worked here five years ago. He couldn't stop himself from searching even as he walked to the bar where Kyuhyun was serving a drink to a man in a suit.
Siwon knew how things worked. If he couldn't see Hankyung then that meant that the dancer from his youth was doing his job. He hated to think that those soft brown eyes were looking into someone else, hated to think that those sighs were for someone else, hated to think that someone else got to feel the way Hankyung's body shook as he came. But, it was none of his business. He had given up that man, given up that part of his life. He had no right to interfere, no matter how much he still wanted to.
He forced himself to stop looking, forced himself to walk over to Kyuhyun and smile when the younger man looked up at him.
"Hello Kyuhyun. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Kyuhyun said hiding the flash of surprise that had crossed his face. "Why are you here? I didn't think you would come to places like these."
Siwon shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you. It's about Sungmin."
Kyuhyun looked at him again. There was that suspicious glare in his eyes that Siwon had seen when Sungmin had first introduced Kyuhyun to them. Kyuhyun didn't trust him for whatever reason.
"What do you need to tell me about Sungmin?"
"I...Sungmin is my friend. I've known him for a long time. I love him--"
"You love him?" Kyuhyun asked raising an eyebrow. "Listen, if you're trying to tell me that you want to have a go at Sungmin then I'm going to have to tell you that Sungmin is currently dating a pretty brunette he met at the bookstore. I'll also have to tell you that I don't care what Sungmin tells me. I know he's being difficult on purpose and I intend to wait for him. And if you want to have him then you'll have to get through me because I don't intend to give him over, no matter how long you've known him."
Siwon blinked. He didn't exactly know what to make of this situation. He supposed that he didn't have to warn Kyuhyun anymore. It was clear to him that Kyuhyun really did care for Sungmin. He wasn't just playing a game. It made the speech he had prepared pretty pointless, but he guessed he could at least clear the misunderstanding. And as for that bit about Sungmin having a girlfriend, he'd have to talk to Sungmin. Siwon had always assumed that Sungmin liked Kyuhyun, well no, not assumed, he knew. He knew Sungmin liked Kyuhyun. He didn't understand this thing about the girlfriend.
"I don't want to have a...go at Sungmin. I came to tell you that you had to be careful. I'm not the only one worried about Sungmin. All of his friends care and we'll watch you. Don't hurt him and make sure he's happy."
Kyuhyun opened his mouth, thought better of it and closed it. He nodded and looked over at the dance floor.
"I love Sungmin. I won't hurt him. He only thing I'm waiting for now is for him to come to his senses and leave that girl he doesn't even like. But, I'll wait. I can wait. I don't plan to wait patiently, but I'll wait."
Siwon nodded and the just stayed there, Siwon on his side of the bar and Kyuhyun on his. It was Kyuhyun who broke the moment by announcing he had to go.
"Are you coming?" Kyuhyun asked as he came around.
Siwon shook his head. "I think I'll stay."
Kyuhyun looked at him and the look on his eyes was almost pitying. He looked like he wanted to pet Siwon, to comfort him, but he did nothing.
"I guess I should have known." Kyuhyun said finally.
"Known what?" Siwon asked not caring anymore.
He was staying. He had to stay. He wanted to know, needed to know. He couldn’t leave without knowing what had happened to that dancer that he had loved so much, loved and still loved. He needed to know what happened to Hankyung.
"What is it that you should have known?"
Kyuhyun frowned. "I should have known that you were one of those. The ones who do what they do because it's what is expected of them. I knew you liked...other things. I knew from the way you looked at me when I flirted with Sungmin in front of you. I knew. I just hope that one day you'll be brave enough to do what you want to do and not what your parents want."
"You don't know anything." Siwon said.
Kyuhyun shrugged. "Maybe I don't, but I do know that sometimes it's better to be like Sungmin and I, better to work in a bookstore or as a bartender than to be rich. At least we can love who we want and not who our parents tell us to love."
Siwon shook his head. "You don't know. You don't understand."
"Maybe not, but I hope you do."
Siwon looked up at Kyuhyun one more time, but Kyuhyun just shook his head and walked away. Siwon spared him one more thought before turning back to search the dance floor, the stage, the tables around the room. He raked his eyes over everything, over everyone, trying to make out that familiar walk, those legs, that posture. He searched, looked, tried to find what he knew wasn't there.
Hankyung wasn't there. He would have seen him by now. The place wasn't big and he would have recognized Hankyung anywhere. Siwon sighed.
"What or I should say who are you looking for so intently?"
Siwon turned around. He was looking at the bartender who came after Kyuhyun left. The man was young as far as bartenders usually went with dark hair and eyes. His eyes were interesting, crescent shaped and the smile he turned to Siwon was friendly.
"I'm not looking for anyone." Siwon said.
"My name is Kangin and I'm not looking for anyone too."
Siwon looked up into those dark eyes, those knowing dark eyes, those understanding dark eyes. Kangin was looking for someone too.
"His name is Park Jungsu, Leeteuk they called him."
Siwon held up his hand. "Why are you telling me this?"
Kangin shrugged. "I know what it's like. I know how it hurts. I want to share. You pick one and be quiet and listen. I was already into the storytelling before you interrupted."
"But, I'm not looking for anyone." Siwon repeated.
Kangin just raised an eyebrow and ignored him. "I was pretty messed up that night, all the people who end up here are either really messed up over something or married and looking for some release. I was messed up over my girlfriend. The only reason I had a girlfriend was because my parents said I should, but she read me like a book. She told me to stop being a hypocrite and go look for what I really wanted. Back then I wasn't even sure myself or more like I didn't any to be sure of what I really wanted. But, I ended up here because we had money and I could afford it. His name was Park Jungsu, Leeteuk."
Siwon looked up as Kangin stopped talking. The bartender was looking at the stage where there were three dancers, but Siwon knew that Kangin was looking at someone else. Kangin was in another time watching someone else. Those eyes were smiling again but it was a sad smile, a smile of loss.
"His name was Leeteuk. I met him as Leeteuk and he promised to make the pain go away. He promised that I wouldn't remember anything, promised that he would take the pain away." Kangin sighed. "You know how it works. I paid him. Daejung took his cut and I followed him to the room. Leeteuk."
Siwon heard the longing in Kangin's voice. He heard the utter helplessness, the anger at the impotence. He heard and saw in Kangin what he felt.
"Why did you let him go?" Siwon asked.
Kangin looked at him and laughed. "You think I let him go? I never let him go. I wasn't stupid enough to let him go. I followed him into that room day after day. It wasn't always about sex. I came. I talked to him. I fell in love with him like the idiot that I am. I fell in love with him and I told my parents."
"And they told you to stop." Siwon nodded.
Kangin laughed. "Are you crazy? They were okay with it. They wanted to meet the man who made me happy. And even if they had said no I wouldn't have let him go. I would have fought them because I loved him, loved him like I had never loved anyone before. I would have been stupid to have let go of him and I may be a bartender in a strip club, but I am not stupid."
"My name is Siwon." Siwon said holding out his hand. "I'm Siwon and I'm stupid."
Kangin shook his head. "Usually the ones with the most money are. Not me though or maybe I am too. Who knows?"
"You have money?" Siwon asked. "Then what are you doing working as a bartender?"
"Stupidity I guess. Denial maybe. Hope definitely. I came looking for him one day and he was gone. No one could tell me where he went. Daejung refused to say anything. He knows where Leeteuk went and he won't tell me. He just offered me the job and said that if I was lucky Leeteuk would come back. And here I am hoping that one day he'll walk through that door and I'll be able to tell him what I couldn't say the last time I saw him."
"So you're just hoping he'll come back?"
Kangin shrugged. "What else can I do? But what about you? Who's your no one?"
"I was sixteen. What did I know about the damn world? I'm twenty one now and I still don't know anything. I came here because my friend said I needed to get over my denial. I came here. He was three years older than me, nineteen. He was nineteen and he had been doing this for almost two years. I saw him dancing. He danced like, like you would not believe. He was a God on stage. He owned everyone. He had them wrapped around his little finger. He toyed with them, gave but never enough and always offered."
Siwon sighed not knowing that the longing in his eyes was burning clear. Kangin recognized it, had accepted it and knew that this was the first time Siwon was letting himself admit it. He knew enough to keep quiet as Siwon continued.
"I had the most money. I got him first. He was playful. We connected in an instant and there we were sitting down, neither of us old enough to drink, not that anyone cared. We sat and talked and talked and I left without doing anything. I came back the next night, paid and talked to him some more. It was my stupid mistake to treat it like I was courting him. I called them dates and bought him things. I even paid to take him out once in a while. I was stupid. People saw me. People told my parents. But, he was so happy when I took him out."
Siwon looked up and pointed at the nearest bottle.
"You drink?" Kangin asked pouring out a glass.
"No." Siwon said. "I don't."
Kangin shook his head. "You shouldn't. I know what I'm telling you. In the beginning I drank. I drank until I forgot and all it got me was a few days in prison. It doesn't bring them back. It never will."
Siwon shrugged roughly. "I never drank. I was always well behaved. I did what they told me. I followed their rules. I want to drink. I want to remember not forget. I've been trying to forget for five years. The only night I spent with him, the only night we were actually together, the night I had him in my arms, that night my parents came here. They found me and they took me away. I promised I would never leave him."
Siwon trailed off. He could remember Hankyung's face when he promised. He could see the longing, the wish to believe, the desperate desire. And he could still hear the soft words, words whispered to him as his parents dragged him away.
"Call me Han Geng."
Siwon shook his head. Remembering just brought pain. Remembering brought hurt and denial and guilt and remembering broke his heart because he wanted to remember. He wanted to remember the feel of those slender fingers twined with his. He wanted to remember because maybe of he remembered hard enough, if he kept on remembering, maybe then, maybe somehow, Hankyung would come back.
"His name was Hankyung but he asked me to call him Han Geng. I promised him I would be back and I never came back. I left him here, alone, waiting for me. I left him here and tried my best to forget about him."
"It was Hankyung?" Kangin asked. "You left Hankyung? You...I should...are you really that stupid?"
Siwon looked up. "Why?"
"Why?" Kangin asked a look of disbelief painted clear on his face. "You ask why? Hankyung is the sweetest thing in the world. Everyone who knows him loves him. He takes care of the new ones or used to."
"Used to?" Siwon asked. "Why used to?"
"He used to because he's gone. One day a man came in here, half drunk and paid double to spend an hour with Hankyung. They went up to his room and half an hour later the same man came and paid for five hours. You can tell how good Hankyung is by how much money people give to spend time with him. He paid and came back the next day." Kangin shrugged. "He came back every day and as often as he could and he always told Hankyung when he wasn't going to be able to make it. Hankyung trusted him because he never lied. They were made for each other I tell you. They laughed so much together, joked around. I hadn't seen Hankyung that happy in a long time."
Siwon blinked. So that was it then. Hankyung had found someone to love him, had found someone who wasn't afraid to love him, someone who came back when they promised they would. Hankyung was gone.
"So he was happy?" Siwon asked.
He needed to make sure. He needed to know that Hankyung would be treated well, that Hankyung really was happy. It was the least he could do after everything that had happened.
"I guess he is happy." Kangin said. "He really didn't know he was leaving. I didn't know he was gone until one of the bouncers told me about it and well I could tell since Heechul wasn't here when I came yesterday."
"Heechul?" Siwon asked looking up from his glass. "Kim Heechul? Son of the Kim international exporters?"
"Yes that Heechul. Don't you know they only cater to the best here?" Kangin spat, the disgust evident in his voice. "Even though the best sometimes tend to be the worst."
"But what does Heechul have to do with Hankyung leaving?"
"Oh right. Heechul was the one who paid to get Hankyung out of here. Heechul was the one who came to see him almost every day. Heechul was...is the only one Hankyung trusts blindly. Kim Heechul got Hankyung out. Hey! Where are you going? Come back! You have to pay for that drink!"
But Siwon was already sprinting out the door. He was outside and then he was running like he had never run before. He was going to see Heechul because Heechul knew where Hankyung was and Heechul was dating Zhou Mi and...
Siwon stopped. What right did he have to go knocking on Heechul's door and demanding Hankyung's address? What right did he have after all these years? What right did he have to suddenly appear in Hankyung's life? Who was he but the coward who had abandoned Hankyung after promising to come back?
Five years.
Five years and he could still remember the taste of those lips, the feel of those hands, the sound of those sighs, the laughter, the jokes, the looks. He remembered them all.
But...five years. Five long years.
A/N: *runs away with the Sihan* I don't know what else to say XD
Pairing: Sihan, Kyumin, past!KangTeuk
Genre: drama, romance, angst
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan.[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A]
A/N: Hello there dear babies. I love you all and here is the next chapter of this fic. I am so happy with it. And just because I like to be mean to Annie I want to say *hugs chapter 5 and 6 and half of chapter 7* *runs away with said chapters* I love you <3 And well since you basically own me and play with me and make me do whatever you want I guess I can also tell you HANHAE =) *smiles all evi like* Annie I love you <3 *squishes you forever* And omg sdjhfkjldshfkjas I have written the Sihan I have written it *cough* chapter 5 and 6 *cough* And now I am off <3
Freedom. It was new to Hankyung. It was something he had never contemplated. Freedom. Sweet word. He was free.
Never before had he had this. Never before had he been allowed to wake at whatever hour he pleased. Never before had he been allowed to go where he pleased. Never before had he been in control of his own life.
He was free, entirely free and he owed it all to Heechul.
He loved living with Heechul and Zhou Mi. He loved them both. He loved watching them argue and laugh and flirt. He loved it because he was free and everything was so much better. He was free.
***
Siwon walked along the streets wondering when he had changed so much. When had he become this man? When had he given up the young boy who had been willing to sacrifice everything for love? Where was the young man who promised to love and to help? Where was the young man who promised the world to that dancer named Hankyung?
Siwon sighed. He knew where that young man was. How could he not know? His parents had changed him, had taught him that family came first, that duty called and won over the desires that ruled you.
He was his family. He lived for his family. His father wanted someone to take over the company and he had to be there. His father and mother wanted grandchildren and he had to provide them. His mother and father wanted him to marry SooYoung and he had to do it. And if not SooYoung then some other girl that would bring them more money. There was nothing he could do to change that.
Whatever happened, whatever he wanted would always come second to the wishes of his family. That was his life, his cross, his way. He knew. He was told, no matter how far he strayed, he would always have to come back. So he didn’t stray because coming back hurt too much.
He chose to push away the images of that dancer, chose to forget the way he used to unravel, chose to forget what it felt like to have those legs around his waist, those whispers by his ear. He told himself that the reason he was going into that bar was because he had to talk to Kyuhyun.
He told himself that the beating of his heart had nothing to do with the fact that he was going back to that place after all those years. He told himself that he wasn't hoping to catch a glimpse of those slender legs and tanned skin. He told himself that this was entirely for Sungmin's sake, that he was here to do what he had to as a friend. This wasn't for him, not at all.
And still, none of that stopped him from casting his eyes out for a glimpse of the man he knew worked here five years ago. He couldn't stop himself from searching even as he walked to the bar where Kyuhyun was serving a drink to a man in a suit.
Siwon knew how things worked. If he couldn't see Hankyung then that meant that the dancer from his youth was doing his job. He hated to think that those soft brown eyes were looking into someone else, hated to think that those sighs were for someone else, hated to think that someone else got to feel the way Hankyung's body shook as he came. But, it was none of his business. He had given up that man, given up that part of his life. He had no right to interfere, no matter how much he still wanted to.
He forced himself to stop looking, forced himself to walk over to Kyuhyun and smile when the younger man looked up at him.
"Hello Kyuhyun. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Kyuhyun said hiding the flash of surprise that had crossed his face. "Why are you here? I didn't think you would come to places like these."
Siwon shrugged. "I wanted to talk to you. It's about Sungmin."
Kyuhyun looked at him again. There was that suspicious glare in his eyes that Siwon had seen when Sungmin had first introduced Kyuhyun to them. Kyuhyun didn't trust him for whatever reason.
"What do you need to tell me about Sungmin?"
"I...Sungmin is my friend. I've known him for a long time. I love him--"
"You love him?" Kyuhyun asked raising an eyebrow. "Listen, if you're trying to tell me that you want to have a go at Sungmin then I'm going to have to tell you that Sungmin is currently dating a pretty brunette he met at the bookstore. I'll also have to tell you that I don't care what Sungmin tells me. I know he's being difficult on purpose and I intend to wait for him. And if you want to have him then you'll have to get through me because I don't intend to give him over, no matter how long you've known him."
Siwon blinked. He didn't exactly know what to make of this situation. He supposed that he didn't have to warn Kyuhyun anymore. It was clear to him that Kyuhyun really did care for Sungmin. He wasn't just playing a game. It made the speech he had prepared pretty pointless, but he guessed he could at least clear the misunderstanding. And as for that bit about Sungmin having a girlfriend, he'd have to talk to Sungmin. Siwon had always assumed that Sungmin liked Kyuhyun, well no, not assumed, he knew. He knew Sungmin liked Kyuhyun. He didn't understand this thing about the girlfriend.
"I don't want to have a...go at Sungmin. I came to tell you that you had to be careful. I'm not the only one worried about Sungmin. All of his friends care and we'll watch you. Don't hurt him and make sure he's happy."
Kyuhyun opened his mouth, thought better of it and closed it. He nodded and looked over at the dance floor.
"I love Sungmin. I won't hurt him. He only thing I'm waiting for now is for him to come to his senses and leave that girl he doesn't even like. But, I'll wait. I can wait. I don't plan to wait patiently, but I'll wait."
Siwon nodded and the just stayed there, Siwon on his side of the bar and Kyuhyun on his. It was Kyuhyun who broke the moment by announcing he had to go.
"Are you coming?" Kyuhyun asked as he came around.
Siwon shook his head. "I think I'll stay."
Kyuhyun looked at him and the look on his eyes was almost pitying. He looked like he wanted to pet Siwon, to comfort him, but he did nothing.
"I guess I should have known." Kyuhyun said finally.
"Known what?" Siwon asked not caring anymore.
He was staying. He had to stay. He wanted to know, needed to know. He couldn’t leave without knowing what had happened to that dancer that he had loved so much, loved and still loved. He needed to know what happened to Hankyung.
"What is it that you should have known?"
Kyuhyun frowned. "I should have known that you were one of those. The ones who do what they do because it's what is expected of them. I knew you liked...other things. I knew from the way you looked at me when I flirted with Sungmin in front of you. I knew. I just hope that one day you'll be brave enough to do what you want to do and not what your parents want."
"You don't know anything." Siwon said.
Kyuhyun shrugged. "Maybe I don't, but I do know that sometimes it's better to be like Sungmin and I, better to work in a bookstore or as a bartender than to be rich. At least we can love who we want and not who our parents tell us to love."
Siwon shook his head. "You don't know. You don't understand."
"Maybe not, but I hope you do."
Siwon looked up at Kyuhyun one more time, but Kyuhyun just shook his head and walked away. Siwon spared him one more thought before turning back to search the dance floor, the stage, the tables around the room. He raked his eyes over everything, over everyone, trying to make out that familiar walk, those legs, that posture. He searched, looked, tried to find what he knew wasn't there.
Hankyung wasn't there. He would have seen him by now. The place wasn't big and he would have recognized Hankyung anywhere. Siwon sighed.
"What or I should say who are you looking for so intently?"
Siwon turned around. He was looking at the bartender who came after Kyuhyun left. The man was young as far as bartenders usually went with dark hair and eyes. His eyes were interesting, crescent shaped and the smile he turned to Siwon was friendly.
"I'm not looking for anyone." Siwon said.
"My name is Kangin and I'm not looking for anyone too."
Siwon looked up into those dark eyes, those knowing dark eyes, those understanding dark eyes. Kangin was looking for someone too.
"His name is Park Jungsu, Leeteuk they called him."
Siwon held up his hand. "Why are you telling me this?"
Kangin shrugged. "I know what it's like. I know how it hurts. I want to share. You pick one and be quiet and listen. I was already into the storytelling before you interrupted."
"But, I'm not looking for anyone." Siwon repeated.
Kangin just raised an eyebrow and ignored him. "I was pretty messed up that night, all the people who end up here are either really messed up over something or married and looking for some release. I was messed up over my girlfriend. The only reason I had a girlfriend was because my parents said I should, but she read me like a book. She told me to stop being a hypocrite and go look for what I really wanted. Back then I wasn't even sure myself or more like I didn't any to be sure of what I really wanted. But, I ended up here because we had money and I could afford it. His name was Park Jungsu, Leeteuk."
Siwon looked up as Kangin stopped talking. The bartender was looking at the stage where there were three dancers, but Siwon knew that Kangin was looking at someone else. Kangin was in another time watching someone else. Those eyes were smiling again but it was a sad smile, a smile of loss.
"His name was Leeteuk. I met him as Leeteuk and he promised to make the pain go away. He promised that I wouldn't remember anything, promised that he would take the pain away." Kangin sighed. "You know how it works. I paid him. Daejung took his cut and I followed him to the room. Leeteuk."
Siwon heard the longing in Kangin's voice. He heard the utter helplessness, the anger at the impotence. He heard and saw in Kangin what he felt.
"Why did you let him go?" Siwon asked.
Kangin looked at him and laughed. "You think I let him go? I never let him go. I wasn't stupid enough to let him go. I followed him into that room day after day. It wasn't always about sex. I came. I talked to him. I fell in love with him like the idiot that I am. I fell in love with him and I told my parents."
"And they told you to stop." Siwon nodded.
Kangin laughed. "Are you crazy? They were okay with it. They wanted to meet the man who made me happy. And even if they had said no I wouldn't have let him go. I would have fought them because I loved him, loved him like I had never loved anyone before. I would have been stupid to have let go of him and I may be a bartender in a strip club, but I am not stupid."
"My name is Siwon." Siwon said holding out his hand. "I'm Siwon and I'm stupid."
Kangin shook his head. "Usually the ones with the most money are. Not me though or maybe I am too. Who knows?"
"You have money?" Siwon asked. "Then what are you doing working as a bartender?"
"Stupidity I guess. Denial maybe. Hope definitely. I came looking for him one day and he was gone. No one could tell me where he went. Daejung refused to say anything. He knows where Leeteuk went and he won't tell me. He just offered me the job and said that if I was lucky Leeteuk would come back. And here I am hoping that one day he'll walk through that door and I'll be able to tell him what I couldn't say the last time I saw him."
"So you're just hoping he'll come back?"
Kangin shrugged. "What else can I do? But what about you? Who's your no one?"
"I was sixteen. What did I know about the damn world? I'm twenty one now and I still don't know anything. I came here because my friend said I needed to get over my denial. I came here. He was three years older than me, nineteen. He was nineteen and he had been doing this for almost two years. I saw him dancing. He danced like, like you would not believe. He was a God on stage. He owned everyone. He had them wrapped around his little finger. He toyed with them, gave but never enough and always offered."
Siwon sighed not knowing that the longing in his eyes was burning clear. Kangin recognized it, had accepted it and knew that this was the first time Siwon was letting himself admit it. He knew enough to keep quiet as Siwon continued.
"I had the most money. I got him first. He was playful. We connected in an instant and there we were sitting down, neither of us old enough to drink, not that anyone cared. We sat and talked and talked and I left without doing anything. I came back the next night, paid and talked to him some more. It was my stupid mistake to treat it like I was courting him. I called them dates and bought him things. I even paid to take him out once in a while. I was stupid. People saw me. People told my parents. But, he was so happy when I took him out."
Siwon looked up and pointed at the nearest bottle.
"You drink?" Kangin asked pouring out a glass.
"No." Siwon said. "I don't."
Kangin shook his head. "You shouldn't. I know what I'm telling you. In the beginning I drank. I drank until I forgot and all it got me was a few days in prison. It doesn't bring them back. It never will."
Siwon shrugged roughly. "I never drank. I was always well behaved. I did what they told me. I followed their rules. I want to drink. I want to remember not forget. I've been trying to forget for five years. The only night I spent with him, the only night we were actually together, the night I had him in my arms, that night my parents came here. They found me and they took me away. I promised I would never leave him."
Siwon trailed off. He could remember Hankyung's face when he promised. He could see the longing, the wish to believe, the desperate desire. And he could still hear the soft words, words whispered to him as his parents dragged him away.
"Call me Han Geng."
Siwon shook his head. Remembering just brought pain. Remembering brought hurt and denial and guilt and remembering broke his heart because he wanted to remember. He wanted to remember the feel of those slender fingers twined with his. He wanted to remember because maybe of he remembered hard enough, if he kept on remembering, maybe then, maybe somehow, Hankyung would come back.
"His name was Hankyung but he asked me to call him Han Geng. I promised him I would be back and I never came back. I left him here, alone, waiting for me. I left him here and tried my best to forget about him."
"It was Hankyung?" Kangin asked. "You left Hankyung? You...I should...are you really that stupid?"
Siwon looked up. "Why?"
"Why?" Kangin asked a look of disbelief painted clear on his face. "You ask why? Hankyung is the sweetest thing in the world. Everyone who knows him loves him. He takes care of the new ones or used to."
"Used to?" Siwon asked. "Why used to?"
"He used to because he's gone. One day a man came in here, half drunk and paid double to spend an hour with Hankyung. They went up to his room and half an hour later the same man came and paid for five hours. You can tell how good Hankyung is by how much money people give to spend time with him. He paid and came back the next day." Kangin shrugged. "He came back every day and as often as he could and he always told Hankyung when he wasn't going to be able to make it. Hankyung trusted him because he never lied. They were made for each other I tell you. They laughed so much together, joked around. I hadn't seen Hankyung that happy in a long time."
Siwon blinked. So that was it then. Hankyung had found someone to love him, had found someone who wasn't afraid to love him, someone who came back when they promised they would. Hankyung was gone.
"So he was happy?" Siwon asked.
He needed to make sure. He needed to know that Hankyung would be treated well, that Hankyung really was happy. It was the least he could do after everything that had happened.
"I guess he is happy." Kangin said. "He really didn't know he was leaving. I didn't know he was gone until one of the bouncers told me about it and well I could tell since Heechul wasn't here when I came yesterday."
"Heechul?" Siwon asked looking up from his glass. "Kim Heechul? Son of the Kim international exporters?"
"Yes that Heechul. Don't you know they only cater to the best here?" Kangin spat, the disgust evident in his voice. "Even though the best sometimes tend to be the worst."
"But what does Heechul have to do with Hankyung leaving?"
"Oh right. Heechul was the one who paid to get Hankyung out of here. Heechul was the one who came to see him almost every day. Heechul was...is the only one Hankyung trusts blindly. Kim Heechul got Hankyung out. Hey! Where are you going? Come back! You have to pay for that drink!"
But Siwon was already sprinting out the door. He was outside and then he was running like he had never run before. He was going to see Heechul because Heechul knew where Hankyung was and Heechul was dating Zhou Mi and...
Siwon stopped. What right did he have to go knocking on Heechul's door and demanding Hankyung's address? What right did he have after all these years? What right did he have to suddenly appear in Hankyung's life? Who was he but the coward who had abandoned Hankyung after promising to come back?
Five years.
Five years and he could still remember the taste of those lips, the feel of those hands, the sound of those sighs, the laughter, the jokes, the looks. He remembered them all.
But...five years. Five long years.
A/N: *runs away with the Sihan* I don't know what else to say XD
no subject
HanGeng what? I know!!! You should go and cheer for Sihan and and and hanchul too XD you know what? HanGeng/anyone is such a lovely thing. I love him so much <3
*hugs you*
But, it's HANKYUNG! HANGENG!!!!! In my opinion he can have whoever he wants. He can have siwon, heechul, yesung, donghae and and and
*points accusing finger at
*looks at comment and frowns*
I did not make sense did i?