static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-12 11:37 pm
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-12 11:37 pm
Entry tags:
Things Happen II 10/11
A/N: Hey there lovelies. So, uh I guess my hints aren't that good. So, here's the plan. I am so tired because I've been up for almost 20 hours. Don't tell ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pjvj10 She'll kill me if she finds out. I had work to do and I have more things to do so I was going to take a break and post the next fic later, but I decided to post like always and tomorrow you'll have the next fic. But, I might take longer to answer comments so do forgive that. So I am doing a double posting today because I want to post the next fic before my school break. So, I don't even know if this makes sense but here is this chapter and I'll go post the last one and then I'll pass out because I am exhausted and still have papers to write and tests to study for.
The first time he woke up Hankyung rolled over. He closed his eyes and tried on more time to go back to sleep. He hadn’t seen Heechul since that afternoon when the song had played for the whole school to hear. He didn’t even want to think about what could be going through that man’s head at the moment.
Then again, Heechul probably was sleeping next to Siwon at the moment. For all he knew, they could be laughing at him, but he doubted it. He had seen the look on Heechul’s face. It hadn’t been mocking. On the contrary, there had been something soft, he hadn’t seen in a while, no not a while. He had never seen Heechul look like that. He had never seen that look in Heechul’s eyes, much less directed at him.
And that was why he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep because he needed to know what that look was. He needed to know why he hadn’t seen it before. He needed to know why Heechul had left him. He needed to know what the other man was thinking. He needed to talk to Heechul. He needed to hold him again.
Ha laughed out loud. He hadn’t touched Heechul in exactly two months, three weeks, six days, eleven hours and five minutes. It was sad that he knew exactly how long it had been. It was very sad, since Heechul didn’t seem to miss him. He rolled over and pulled the covers over himself. Sleep. He needed sleep.
The second time he woke up, he was hot. He sat up and looked around his room. It was empty like the space next to him on his bed. He frowned and laid back down. He needed sleep. He didn’t want to keep waking up like this. He tried to remember exactly why he had woken up and couldn’t.
It was getting annoying. He needed to sleep. Worrying about the stupid song and what Heechul had thought was going to get him nowhere. He had done it already. It was over. He could never take it back. He wouldn’t take it back even if he could. So, he needed to stop worrying and go to sleep already. He wanted to sleep. He needed to sleep if he was going to go ahead and do what he had planned tomorrow.
He sighed and leaned into his pillow. He threw off the covers and laid on his back. He closed his eyes, counted the many faces of Heechul and fell asleep.
The third time he woke up, it was because he was being watched. He opened his eyes and saw two eyes. A hand immediately clapped over his mouth stifling his yell.
“Hankyung, it’s me, Heechul.” Heechul whispered.
He relaxed against the hand and sat up. “What the hell, Heechul? Do you want to give me a heart attack?”
“Me?” Heechul hissed angrily. “What about you? What the hell was that this afternoon? In front of the whole school? How tacky can you get?”
Hankyung laughed softly. “Tacky? You thought my song was tacky? You thought the thing I sang for you, wrote for you, and even bribed to get played for you, is tacky? You never cease to amaze me Heechul.”
“What did you expect? I told you I didn’t want people to know about us. I asked for time. Why did you have to go and do that to me?”
Hankyung laughed out loud this time. He sat up and leaned forward so that when he whispered Heechul heard everything. He made sure Heechul heard everything he had to say.
“You asked me to wait. I waited. I waited over a year, two years Heechul. I waited so long it almost drove me crazy. I waited and I lost you. You didn’t want people to find out about us? They didn’t, because there is no us. I didn’t do anything to you Heechul. You were the one who left me. You were the one who went to Siwon. I was here. I was still waiting and what good did that do to me? I waited and lost you and I am so tired of waiting for you Kim Heechul, so tired.”
He was angry and he didn’t look away. He had to stay, had to finish what he started. He was not going to lose. He was not going to back down, not anymore.
“Tired? You’re tired of waiting? Hankyung, what have you ever waited for?” Heechul whispered back. “I was there after you all this time. I was there to hold you and to tell you that everything would be fine. I was there for you. I never left.”
“You were there?” Hankyung asked. “Where? You left me. You always left me. You left me when I tried to help. Whenever I got close, you ran. You didn’t wait for me. You said you chased after me and I know you did, but once I was with you, you never waited. You never let me hold you. You never let me tell you how much I loved you. Whenever I said it, you laughed. You threw it away. You walked away. I never heard it, not the way I wanted to hear it.”
“And how was I supposed to say it? Tell me.”
Hankyung looked at Heechul. He saw the challenge in the other man’s face. He knew what this was. This was Heechul trying to get him to admit to something. This was Heechul trying to get him to give in again. This was Heechul trying to win again.
“You weren’t just supposed to say it Heechul.” He said looking away. “You were supposed to show me. You were supposed to not care what your father thought. You were supposed to be able to look past everything like Donghae and Eunhyuk, like Yesung and Ryeowook. You were supposed to care only about us, about me. You weren’t supposed to look at the rest of them. You were supposed to want me, like you want Siwon.”
He stopped knowing that if he went on, his crying count would go up. He took a deep breath and leaned back into his pillows. He could see Heechul’s outline in the dark room. He was there again, where Hankyung wanted him.
“You were supposed to show me.” He continued. “I don’t mean gifts. I could care less about your money. I didn’t want gifts. All they did was make me insecure, like you thought I wouldn’t want you unless you gave me something in return. You were supposed to let me talk to you. This conversation was supposed to happen then, not now, not now that you’re with Siwon. If you had let me I would have given you that song when I first wrote it.”
“When did you write it?” Heechul asked quietly.
“On our one hundred days.”
He laughed. He couldn’t help it. How stupid he had been then to think that Heechul would care about their one hundred days. He had been so stupid. He was still stupid. Heechul was Heechul. He had to learn to accept that fact that he would never get what he wanted from this man. He would always be like this, on the edge, wondering, wishing. He would never get what he wanted, never.
“I don’t think I can do it Heechul.” He said finally.
“Can’t do what?”
“I can’t sit and watch you with Siwon anymore. I can’t watch how you leave me. I don’t want to. I want to be the one holding you in front of everyone. I want to be the one who makes you laugh. I want to be able to kiss you like Ryeowook kisses Yesung. I want to be able to give you a look and know that you understand it. I want to hold you close, the way Donghae holds Eunhyuk. I want what they have. I’ve always wanted what they have. I’ve been so jealous for so long.”
“Jealous of Eunhae and Yewook?”
“Is that what people call them?”
“Yes.”
“Then yes.” Hankyung said. “I wanted to be able to hold you like that. I wished so many times I was Donghae or Eunhyuk or Ryeowook so that I could have you be my Eunhyuk or Donghae or my Yesung. I wanted to be Siwon too for a while, because even though I hate his guts, I envied him.”
“What could you possibly envy about Siwon?”
“He had you.” Hankyung said simply.
“Oh.” Heechul paused. “I don’t want to be Donghae or Eunhyuk or Yesung.”
Hankyung nodded. He thought he understood. Heechul was free to do what he wanted. He was nobody to demand anything from Kim Heechul. He was just the poor idiot who happened to be in love with the princess. And Siwon was the stupid idiotic prince who always got the princess. He was stuck, destined to lose. He sighed.
“It would be so much easier if I had money.” He said.
“Money makes people stupid.”
“If I had money I would be able to do something bigger, not just a song on the school speakers.” Hankyung answered looking at the ceiling.
“If you had money, you would be stupid.” Heechul said. “Siwon and I can only have a conversation because he knows what it’s like not to have money.”
Hankyung laughed. “Is he really that good to you?”
“He’s very good to me.”
Hankyung nodded. “I hope he makes you happy.”
They said nothing for a while. Hankyung really did mean it. He wanted Heechul to be happy. He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but if Siwon made him happy, he would step down. He wasn’t stupid enough to tell Heechul. He wanted Heechul to think that he would chase him until the very end. He was going to and he hoped the end worked in his favor, but if it didn’t, he wouldn’t mind so much. As long as Heechul got what he wanted, as long as he was happy, then Hankyung didn’t care.
“Hankyung?”
“Yes, Heechul?”
“Would you let me go?”
Hankyung heard the worry in Heechul’s voice. He heard the insecurity and he began to hope.
“I would only ever let you go, if you wanted me to let you go.”
“Then don’t. Please, don’t let me go.” Heechul’s voice was so quiet that for a second Hankyung thought he had imagined it.
He was almost sure it was his imagination, but then Heechul leaned forward. Hankyung sat up and they looked at each other again. It was dark, but not dark enough for Hankyung to miss the look in Heechul’s eyes. It was there again, that same look he had seen when the song was playing, the look that he couldn’t quite recognize.
“Heechul.” He whispered.
“Don’t bother.” Heechul said. “I don’t care what your excuse is. I just…I just want to know that you don’t want me to go.”
“I don’t want you to go.” He said.
He was sure who moved first this time. It was Heechul. He was the one who put a hand to Hankyung’s cheek. He was the one who leaned forward until there was no mistake that Hankyung was looking at him. He was the one who whispered first.
“I love you.”
And Heechul was the one who pressed his lips to Hankyung’s.
Hankyung didn’t care what had happened before that. He didn’t care about the before or the after. All he cared about at that moment was Heechul and how they fit together just right. He closed his eyes and tried to memorize Heechul as he was now, vulnerable, giving, loving. Yes, loving, because Hankyung had finally recognized what that look was. He knew why it was so familiar. That look that Heechul had in his eyes was the same one he had given him the day that Heechul had told him he was leaving him for Siwon.
Kim Heechul was in love with him.
“Geng,” Heechul whispered against his mouth. “Geng, I want you and your damn blond hair.”
He pulled away. Heechul leaned forward until he was lying on top of Hankyung. Hankyung looked at him and didn’t know why he was so disappointed. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, because it had been months and he really, really wanted to. But, it was the same game all over again. He took a step forward and Heechul ran. And still who was he to deny Heechul anything?
“Heechul.”
“Sh, I need to tell you something first.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
A/N: There we go. See, fluffy fluff. And the next chapter is going to be up in the next few minutes. I hope you guys like them. And well, have fun =)
pjvj10 She'll kill me if she finds out. I had work to do and I have more things to do so I was going to take a break and post the next fic later, but I decided to post like always and tomorrow you'll have the next fic. But, I might take longer to answer comments so do forgive that. So I am doing a double posting today because I want to post the next fic before my school break. So, I don't even know if this makes sense but here is this chapter and I'll go post the last one and then I'll pass out because I am exhausted and still have papers to write and tests to study for.The first time he woke up Hankyung rolled over. He closed his eyes and tried on more time to go back to sleep. He hadn’t seen Heechul since that afternoon when the song had played for the whole school to hear. He didn’t even want to think about what could be going through that man’s head at the moment.
Then again, Heechul probably was sleeping next to Siwon at the moment. For all he knew, they could be laughing at him, but he doubted it. He had seen the look on Heechul’s face. It hadn’t been mocking. On the contrary, there had been something soft, he hadn’t seen in a while, no not a while. He had never seen Heechul look like that. He had never seen that look in Heechul’s eyes, much less directed at him.
And that was why he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep because he needed to know what that look was. He needed to know why he hadn’t seen it before. He needed to know why Heechul had left him. He needed to know what the other man was thinking. He needed to talk to Heechul. He needed to hold him again.
Ha laughed out loud. He hadn’t touched Heechul in exactly two months, three weeks, six days, eleven hours and five minutes. It was sad that he knew exactly how long it had been. It was very sad, since Heechul didn’t seem to miss him. He rolled over and pulled the covers over himself. Sleep. He needed sleep.
The second time he woke up, he was hot. He sat up and looked around his room. It was empty like the space next to him on his bed. He frowned and laid back down. He needed sleep. He didn’t want to keep waking up like this. He tried to remember exactly why he had woken up and couldn’t.
It was getting annoying. He needed to sleep. Worrying about the stupid song and what Heechul had thought was going to get him nowhere. He had done it already. It was over. He could never take it back. He wouldn’t take it back even if he could. So, he needed to stop worrying and go to sleep already. He wanted to sleep. He needed to sleep if he was going to go ahead and do what he had planned tomorrow.
He sighed and leaned into his pillow. He threw off the covers and laid on his back. He closed his eyes, counted the many faces of Heechul and fell asleep.
The third time he woke up, it was because he was being watched. He opened his eyes and saw two eyes. A hand immediately clapped over his mouth stifling his yell.
“Hankyung, it’s me, Heechul.” Heechul whispered.
He relaxed against the hand and sat up. “What the hell, Heechul? Do you want to give me a heart attack?”
“Me?” Heechul hissed angrily. “What about you? What the hell was that this afternoon? In front of the whole school? How tacky can you get?”
Hankyung laughed softly. “Tacky? You thought my song was tacky? You thought the thing I sang for you, wrote for you, and even bribed to get played for you, is tacky? You never cease to amaze me Heechul.”
“What did you expect? I told you I didn’t want people to know about us. I asked for time. Why did you have to go and do that to me?”
Hankyung laughed out loud this time. He sat up and leaned forward so that when he whispered Heechul heard everything. He made sure Heechul heard everything he had to say.
“You asked me to wait. I waited. I waited over a year, two years Heechul. I waited so long it almost drove me crazy. I waited and I lost you. You didn’t want people to find out about us? They didn’t, because there is no us. I didn’t do anything to you Heechul. You were the one who left me. You were the one who went to Siwon. I was here. I was still waiting and what good did that do to me? I waited and lost you and I am so tired of waiting for you Kim Heechul, so tired.”
He was angry and he didn’t look away. He had to stay, had to finish what he started. He was not going to lose. He was not going to back down, not anymore.
“Tired? You’re tired of waiting? Hankyung, what have you ever waited for?” Heechul whispered back. “I was there after you all this time. I was there to hold you and to tell you that everything would be fine. I was there for you. I never left.”
“You were there?” Hankyung asked. “Where? You left me. You always left me. You left me when I tried to help. Whenever I got close, you ran. You didn’t wait for me. You said you chased after me and I know you did, but once I was with you, you never waited. You never let me hold you. You never let me tell you how much I loved you. Whenever I said it, you laughed. You threw it away. You walked away. I never heard it, not the way I wanted to hear it.”
“And how was I supposed to say it? Tell me.”
Hankyung looked at Heechul. He saw the challenge in the other man’s face. He knew what this was. This was Heechul trying to get him to admit to something. This was Heechul trying to get him to give in again. This was Heechul trying to win again.
“You weren’t just supposed to say it Heechul.” He said looking away. “You were supposed to show me. You were supposed to not care what your father thought. You were supposed to be able to look past everything like Donghae and Eunhyuk, like Yesung and Ryeowook. You were supposed to care only about us, about me. You weren’t supposed to look at the rest of them. You were supposed to want me, like you want Siwon.”
He stopped knowing that if he went on, his crying count would go up. He took a deep breath and leaned back into his pillows. He could see Heechul’s outline in the dark room. He was there again, where Hankyung wanted him.
“You were supposed to show me.” He continued. “I don’t mean gifts. I could care less about your money. I didn’t want gifts. All they did was make me insecure, like you thought I wouldn’t want you unless you gave me something in return. You were supposed to let me talk to you. This conversation was supposed to happen then, not now, not now that you’re with Siwon. If you had let me I would have given you that song when I first wrote it.”
“When did you write it?” Heechul asked quietly.
“On our one hundred days.”
He laughed. He couldn’t help it. How stupid he had been then to think that Heechul would care about their one hundred days. He had been so stupid. He was still stupid. Heechul was Heechul. He had to learn to accept that fact that he would never get what he wanted from this man. He would always be like this, on the edge, wondering, wishing. He would never get what he wanted, never.
“I don’t think I can do it Heechul.” He said finally.
“Can’t do what?”
“I can’t sit and watch you with Siwon anymore. I can’t watch how you leave me. I don’t want to. I want to be the one holding you in front of everyone. I want to be the one who makes you laugh. I want to be able to kiss you like Ryeowook kisses Yesung. I want to be able to give you a look and know that you understand it. I want to hold you close, the way Donghae holds Eunhyuk. I want what they have. I’ve always wanted what they have. I’ve been so jealous for so long.”
“Jealous of Eunhae and Yewook?”
“Is that what people call them?”
“Yes.”
“Then yes.” Hankyung said. “I wanted to be able to hold you like that. I wished so many times I was Donghae or Eunhyuk or Ryeowook so that I could have you be my Eunhyuk or Donghae or my Yesung. I wanted to be Siwon too for a while, because even though I hate his guts, I envied him.”
“What could you possibly envy about Siwon?”
“He had you.” Hankyung said simply.
“Oh.” Heechul paused. “I don’t want to be Donghae or Eunhyuk or Yesung.”
Hankyung nodded. He thought he understood. Heechul was free to do what he wanted. He was nobody to demand anything from Kim Heechul. He was just the poor idiot who happened to be in love with the princess. And Siwon was the stupid idiotic prince who always got the princess. He was stuck, destined to lose. He sighed.
“It would be so much easier if I had money.” He said.
“Money makes people stupid.”
“If I had money I would be able to do something bigger, not just a song on the school speakers.” Hankyung answered looking at the ceiling.
“If you had money, you would be stupid.” Heechul said. “Siwon and I can only have a conversation because he knows what it’s like not to have money.”
Hankyung laughed. “Is he really that good to you?”
“He’s very good to me.”
Hankyung nodded. “I hope he makes you happy.”
They said nothing for a while. Hankyung really did mean it. He wanted Heechul to be happy. He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but if Siwon made him happy, he would step down. He wasn’t stupid enough to tell Heechul. He wanted Heechul to think that he would chase him until the very end. He was going to and he hoped the end worked in his favor, but if it didn’t, he wouldn’t mind so much. As long as Heechul got what he wanted, as long as he was happy, then Hankyung didn’t care.
“Hankyung?”
“Yes, Heechul?”
“Would you let me go?”
Hankyung heard the worry in Heechul’s voice. He heard the insecurity and he began to hope.
“I would only ever let you go, if you wanted me to let you go.”
“Then don’t. Please, don’t let me go.” Heechul’s voice was so quiet that for a second Hankyung thought he had imagined it.
He was almost sure it was his imagination, but then Heechul leaned forward. Hankyung sat up and they looked at each other again. It was dark, but not dark enough for Hankyung to miss the look in Heechul’s eyes. It was there again, that same look he had seen when the song was playing, the look that he couldn’t quite recognize.
“Heechul.” He whispered.
“Don’t bother.” Heechul said. “I don’t care what your excuse is. I just…I just want to know that you don’t want me to go.”
“I don’t want you to go.” He said.
He was sure who moved first this time. It was Heechul. He was the one who put a hand to Hankyung’s cheek. He was the one who leaned forward until there was no mistake that Hankyung was looking at him. He was the one who whispered first.
“I love you.”
And Heechul was the one who pressed his lips to Hankyung’s.
Hankyung didn’t care what had happened before that. He didn’t care about the before or the after. All he cared about at that moment was Heechul and how they fit together just right. He closed his eyes and tried to memorize Heechul as he was now, vulnerable, giving, loving. Yes, loving, because Hankyung had finally recognized what that look was. He knew why it was so familiar. That look that Heechul had in his eyes was the same one he had given him the day that Heechul had told him he was leaving him for Siwon.
Kim Heechul was in love with him.
“Geng,” Heechul whispered against his mouth. “Geng, I want you and your damn blond hair.”
He pulled away. Heechul leaned forward until he was lying on top of Hankyung. Hankyung looked at him and didn’t know why he was so disappointed. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, because it had been months and he really, really wanted to. But, it was the same game all over again. He took a step forward and Heechul ran. And still who was he to deny Heechul anything?
“Heechul.”
“Sh, I need to tell you something first.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
A/N: There we go. See, fluffy fluff. And the next chapter is going to be up in the next few minutes. I hope you guys like them. And well, have fun =)
no subject
“Yes, Heechul?”
“Would you let me go?”
Hankyung heard the worry in Heechul’s voice. He heard the insecurity and he began to hope.
“I would only ever let you go, if you wanted me to let you go.”
“Then don’t. Please, don’t let me go.” Heechul’s voice was so quiet that for a second Hankyung thought he had imagined it.
OMG THIS IS MAKING ME WHIMPER AND TEAR LIKE NO BODY'S BUSINESS.
NO LIE K, I'M REALLY WHIMPERING ON MY BED AND HUGGING MY BLANKET LIKE AN IDIOT ;-;
/SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU <3
no subject
“I love you.”
And Heechul was the one who pressed his lips to Hankyung’s.
OHMYGOD /BEHEADS YOU FOR MAKING ME WHIMPER AND SHAKE LIKE AN IDIOT OMG
KDASJF;KLJASDI;FHJ8OUASD;IOFJ;LASDKFVMJKLADSVMKL;ASNJK;DFH;ALKSDFJ;LKASDFJ
I LOVE YOU FOR THIS OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG ;-;
no subject
He pulled away. Heechul leaned forward until he was lying on top of Hankyung. Hankyung looked at him and didn’t know why he was so disappointed. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, because it had been months and he really, really wanted to. But, it was the same game all over again. He took a step forward and Heechul ran. And still who was he to deny Heechul anything?
“Heechul.”
“Sh, I need to tell you something first.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
OHHHMMMMMYYYYYGGGGGOOOODDDDDDDD
/GLOMPS YOU WITH KITTENS AND RAINBOWS AND OTHER FLUFFY SHIT OMG <3333333333333333333333333333333
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SQUEALING OK I'M SQUEALING
/RUNS OFF TO LAST CHAPTER ;-;
no subject
Does this mean I am no longer beheaded? Because I need to go write that Yewook/Yewon fic now. I promised to post as soon as possible. And I needs my head. =)
*hugs* I love you so much. I am seriously so happy right now. You have no idea. I can't wait to see what you wrote for the last chapter.
okay well to properly show you how happy I am
ERFGHJDNSAUEFRFR OMG OMG OMG OMG OMMFGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON'T...I...I *trails off because I passed out* That's how happy i am. <33333333333333333333333333333
no subject
Now I can no longer write the next fic...oh wells
*walks away humming happily* It was a nice beheading. I loveeeee youuuu sooo much.
*twirls away* You make me so happy. I LOVES YOUUUUUUUUUU MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no subject
BUT WHO CARES????????// I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU I DON'T EVEN KNOW. NOT THE SOBBING BECAUSE POOR YOU AND BAD ME FOR MAKING YOU SOB. BUT JUST YOUR COMMENTS AND REACTIONS MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!! LIKE NO JOKE I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING PROPOSING TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!!! *hugs super tight* *write your name with stars in the sky*
I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333333333333