static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-13 10:23 pm
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-13 10:23 pm
Entry tags:
Red Velvet
Title: Red Velvet (side story to Like Velvet)
Pairing: Kyumin, Sungmin/Sunny mentions of Shindong/JinSook (ooc)
Genre: angst, romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sungmin promised to love her, but he can't, not when there's Kyuhyun.
Note: This is dedicated to Jann Jann because it is her birthday and she is awesome and my wife <3
A/N: *bites fingernails all nervous like* So there I was trying to finish the last chapter for Like Velvet when all of a sudden I ran into some Hanchul *cough* Annie *cough* and then I went and felt super guilty for neglecting the poor babies *cuddles the Hanchul* and so I was distracted by my other fic and then I remembered it was Jann Jann's birthday and I had to write this because I was inspired and because Kyumin can be pretty demanding =/ So anyway this is Jann Jann's birthday fic and I was trying for something sweet and nice and sdfjkshfaks I WROTE ANGST! I mean there is a happy ending and all but it't angst OTL (I now understand that emicon thing whatever it is) So anyway Happy Birthday to my wife of a few weeks and I hope you like this and yeah.
His mother's favorite cake was red velvet, his too, by default. He loved the way his mother ate, with her eyes half closed, humming a song between bites. She was beautiful in Sungmin's eyes. Sunny, his best friend since he could talk, thought so too. Sungmin loved his mother, loved her for her bravery, her courage and her sense of humor. She had raised him alone after his father left them before he was born. She raised him alone because her family disowned her when they heard she was pregnant and unmarried. Sungmin had never met his grandparents, either of them. He didn't miss them. It was hard to miss what you've never had.
His mother loved to tease him.
"I have a daughter." she'd say laughing. "And you better make sure I have a beautiful son-in-law. He should be tall, dark hair, make sure he's a singer. You know how much I love singers.
Sungmin thought his mother was making fun of how much he loved pink. He was obsessed with the color, pink shirts, pink shoes. He'd even gone and dyed his hair pink for a little while before Sunny insisted they try blond. He thought it was all fun and games. He hadn't realized how perceptive his mother really was.
***
Sungmin was 22 when his mother was diagnosed with kidney failure. Both kidneys. He was with Sunny at an amusement park. Sunny had just confessed that she thought she was in love with him.
After the phone call they ran to the hospital.
A transplant.
The only way to save her was a transplant. So, Sungmin did what he had to do. A match. The doctor said they had to match.
Sungmin loved his mother, but they didn't match.His mother said she could wait. The doctors said she had a week to find a donor. They promised she had priority. They promised they would find someone.
Sunny found him at the hospital that same night.
"I want to try." she said.
Sungmin looked at her, her sweet face and beautiful smile. She was his friend, his companion for years.
"You shouldn't." Sungmin said right away.
She had just smiled at him, taken his hand. "You know I love her and she's going to be my umma one day too. She's your umma. You love her. If I can help...I want to help."
Sungmin swore there was no one more beautiful than that lovely girl in front of him. Sunny went through tests the next day. Sungmin was outside her room.
If she was a match...if she was a match he'd love her forever.
They waited a day before the news came back.
When they went back to the doctor's office...when they went back... If you could live off happiness. Sunny was a match. The operation was long, but not as hard as convincing his mother had been.
"She's just a child."
"She can't. She has her whole life ahead of her. What if something goes wrong?"
Reasons for not doing it. Reasons for saying no. If Sungmin had been less scared, if he had been thinking straight, if he hadn't been so worried he might have seen reason. Sunny was almost his age. Sunny was his friend. Sunny was giving up part of herself to save his mother.
Sunny was in the operation room when he realized what exactly she was doing. He paced. He tried to eat. He prayed. He did everything he could think of, hoping. He swore that he'd love Sunny forever of this worked.
Five hours later they let him see her. His mother was in the intensive care ward. No worries the doctors told him. They just wanted to make sure that her body was receiving the organ.
A week they said. One week.
Sungmin went to see Sunny first. She was lying down on the bed, her pretty face pale, her eyes closed. Sungmin knew her well enough to know that she wasn't sleeping.
"Sunny?" he said.
She opened her eyes and smiled at him. Sungmin swore there was nothing more beautiful than that woman who had given his mother back her life. He loved her he decided. He loved her because she had given him what he loved the most. Sunny had saved his mother.
"Sungmin oppa." she said when she saw him. "How is she?"
"Sunny...I..."
"Not very eloquent are we?" she laughed.
"I can't...Sunny..."
"Sh," she said. "Go see your umma and then come and tell me how she is. You should have gone to see her first."
Sungmin looked at her, looked at the woman who was now part of his mother. She loved him. She loved him and he swore then to love her too. He swore he would do everything in his power to protect her and love her and make sure that she never needed anything, never wanted anything because he would give it to her.
***
His mother died a week later.
She was too strong the doctors said. Her body fought too hard. There was nothing they could do.
Sunny was there. Sunny who had given up part of herself. She was there when his mother died. She was there when they buried her. She was there when the only people who came to the funeral were his friends and her's.
"I love you." he told Sunny one day.
They were moving things into Sungmin's new apartment, something smaller, cheaper. He had gotten a job at a bookstore as a cashier of sorts. His life was supposed to be starting again. He was supposed to leave the past behind.
Sunny turned to him. "You don't love me oppa. You know you don’t.”
Sungmin watched her. Sunny was humming as she started unpacking his books. She was putting away the shirts he had when he stopped her. He turned her around slowly so that he was looking at her.
“Stop.”
“Sungmin,” She said. “Sungmin, don’t. Don’t do it because you don’t mean it.”
“I promise to take care of you. I promise to watch you. I love you Sunny.”
It took him three months to convince her. He showered her with gifts, affection, everything he could find. He tried so hard, so hard to love her, so hard to feel something. He tried. He really did. He tried his best until Siwon.
***
He knew he was never going to be able to love Sunny when he met Siwon. Siwon was tall, muscular, with a lovely dimpled smile and this aura of perfection. He was a perfect gentleman, but once you got him alone he was as fun as anyone Sungmin had ever met. Siwon was his first male crush.
He denied it. He told himself that it wasn’t true. He told himself that he was just confused. He loved Sunny. He had to love Sunny.
And then he met Kyuhyun.
He was at a bar when it happened. Everyone copes with pain in different ways. For Sungmin it was drinking, at least once until he couldn’t see straight. He went into the bar. Kyuhyun was drinking too. The reason Kyuhyun caught his eye was because of his mother.
Kyuhyun was tall, dark eyed, dark haired. Sungmin liked his eyes, deep dark eyes that were looking at him. Sungmin was the one that smiled because there was something desirable about Kyuhyun.
And then Kyuhyun was called up and there he was on stage and he was singing. And Sungmin knew that he was not going to be able to look away.
You know how much I love singers.
He loved singers too, but he hadn’t sung since his mother died. He had taken to wearing black too. No more pink, no more red velvet.
***
The next time he saw Kyuhyun was at the bookstore. Sungmin never figured out how Kyuhyun knew he worked there. When he asked Kyuhyun just smiled.
“So this is where you work then?” Kyuhyun asked running his hands over the books.
“Yes.” Sungmin said.
He had vague images of that night he met Kyuhyun. He remembered talking to him, remembered drinking with him. He had even ended up on stage singing too, dancing maybe. But, that was as far as memory went. He didn’t know anything else and he didn’t like the way Kyuhyun was watching him. It made him nervous, nervous for some reason he couldn’t place.
Kyuhyun looked at him. “You don’t remember a single thing from last night do you?”
Sungmin frowned. “Are you here to buy something or just talk? I have to get to work.”
Kyuhyun smirked and picked up a couple of books. “I’ll take all of these and your phone number.”
Sungmin rang up the books, handed them over and waited for Kyuhyun to leave. When he didn’t Sungmin turned back to him.
“Is there anything else you want?”
“I still don’t have your number.” Kyuhyun said leafing through his book.
Sungmin watched him. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like that he was so close to giving Kyuhyun his number. He didn’t like that he was so close to just dropping everything and asking about the other man. He didn’t like it because he had Sunny and he had to care for Sunny and it wasn’t fair to her.
“I have a girlfriend.” He blurted out.
“And I work at a strip club as a bartender.”
He saw the smirk on Kyuhyun’s face and wondered how in the world a smirk could make you want to kiss someone. Smirks were annoying and rude and Sungmin didn’t think it was normal for him to be attracted to Kyuhyun…attracted?
He was not attracted to Kyuhyun. He was not. He had Sunny and he has promised to take care of her, to be there for her. He has to watch her. He had to. He’d promised. He had about made his mind that he was going to blow off Kyuhyun when the other man spoke.
“I know you have a girlfriend Sungmin. Her name is Sunny. You told me. You also told me that no matter how hard you try you can’t love her. You told me that you liked it better when I kissed you. You said you’ve never done anything other than hold her hand. I know Sungmin.”
***
The next time he saw Kyuhyun he was with Siwon and Shindong. They were celebrating that it was almost Christmas. His first Christmas without his mother and he was drowning his pain with alcohol. He didn’t like it and Siwon didn’t approve.
“You’re going to become an alcoholic at the pace you’re going hyung.” Siwon scolded.
“Drinking makes you forget Siwonnie.” Sungmin answered watching Shindong dancing with his girlfriend, JinSook.
“Excuse me.” Came an all too familiar voice.
Sungmin looked up and there was Kyuhyun watching him, amusement in those eyes. Sungmin looked at him. He was still sober enough to know that Kyuhyun was alone again, no partner.
“Let’s dance.” Sungmin said because he wanted to dance.
“Hyung, do you know who this is?” Siwon asked always there and always being careful.
Sungmin nodded and stood taking Kyuhyun’s hand. He found out that Kyuhyun was an okay dancer, not the best but he did his job well. They danced and Sungmin wondered why he was denying the attraction. So he liked Kyuhyun, so he liked men, so his mother had been right.
But, Sunny.
Sunny disappeared that night. Kyuhyun was snarky and funny. He was understanding. He made Sungmin laugh, made Sungmin’s head spin at the wit. Kyuhyun made him forget and that’s why he ended up on Kyuhyun’s lap, kissing him, kissing away the pain that clawed at him.
His mother disappeared if only for that moment when he kissed Kyuhyun. He forgot that he was hurting, felt light and free. That’s why he didn’t stop. It had been six months since he had felt this free. It had been six months since he had felt no pain.
He was addicted.
***
He told Sunny about his new friend, about Kyuhyun. He said that Kyuhyun was fun to be with and he promised to introduce them.
He did and Sunny loved Kyuhyun. She talked to him, laughed with him, joked with him. It made Sungmin feel useless, worthless. He was lying to her, lying to Kyuhyun. He was lying to everyone. But, the pain left when he was with Kyuhyun. There was no pain and he was weak.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing.” Kyuhyun told him one day. “I don’t, but I want you to know that I don’t like it. I was okay with it at first because I didn’t think it would come this far. Sungmin make a choice. It’s her or me, but not both.”
Then it became real.
He had to pick. He had to decide and he didn’t like it. He stopped talking about Kyuhyun to Sunny, to Siwon. He couldn’t leave Sunny. He couldn’t leave her. He had promised her and she was sweet and caring and she had done her best to save his mother. He needed to be there for her.
And still he knew he could never love her. He couldn’t because when he compared what he felt for Sunny to what he felt when he was with Kyuhyun, it didn’t even come close. Kyuhyun was passion and freedom and heartache. Sunny was peace and laughs and sunshine. But, Sunny didn’t make his heart leap out of his chest. Sunny didn’t make him wish he had looked at himself before leaving the house.
***
He was at the costume party with Siwon when he saw Kyuhyun again. Nothing made sense to him when he saw Kyuhyun. It became about numbing the pain with those eyes, with those lips, with those sighs. It became about what he felt physically instead of what he felt emotionally. It became his escape.
And still he wanted to test the other man. If he was going to do what he was planning to do then he had to be sure.
It didn’t work the way he wanted it to. When Kyuhyun’s arms were around him his brain left him. It was all about the feel of them together, the way they moved, the way their breaths mixed together. He loved Kyuhyun he realized. Loved him because Kyuhyun made the pain go away without trying. Loved him because Kyuhyun was there and real and because Kyuhyun knew about his mother (he’d let it all out one day) and because Kyuhyun had once driven him to her grave.
He loved Kyuhyun, but Sunny.
It was always about Sunny. Even that night when he was sitting on Kyuhyun’s lap, lost in the way their bodies merged, lost in the way Kyuhyun’s hair felt in his hands, lost, so lost, even then he remembered Sunny. He remembered Sunny because Sunny was his mother in a way. And he would never abandon his mother.
***
After he found out about Siwon and Han Geng he let Kyuhyun go.
He let Sunny go.
Both things killed him.
“Sunny I have to talk to you.” He told her.
Sunny who was cooking him food looked up. “What is it? You have to hurry okay I have to get back home soon.”
Sungmin looked at her all smiles and adorable face. She was his close friend, the reason his mother got to live that extra week. She was brave and beautiful and Sungmin had not kept his promise to her. He didn’t love her.
“I…Sunny, it’s Kyuhyun.”
Sunny was there with a hand on his shoulder. “Of course it’s Kyuhyun. You didn’t think I knew? I knew and your mother knew and you were the only one who didn’t know. I was waiting for you to get it through your head.”
“But, Sunny, you...I promised you…if you knew…”
Sunny laughed. “I knew. I knew but I didn’t say anything because I guess I sort of hoped that maybe…but you don’t have to worry about me. I told you that you didn’t have to promise me anything.”
“I’m sorry.” Sungmin said because it was the only thing he could think of.
“Don’t be. I’m a strong girl. I have to be. I only have on kidney left and don’t you dare feel guilty. You can watch over me without having to date me. Now go get Kyuhyun.”
***
He started dating Kyuhyun on the anniversary of his mother’s death.
Kyuhyun was there when he thought he couldn’t breathe from the pain. Kyuhyun was there when he thought his world was ending again. Kyuhyun put it back together. Kyuhyun made it whole. Sunny called and he talked to her too, but it was Kyuhyun who pulled him into his arms and made it all better.
Kyuhyun who stayed awake with him, Kyuhyun who took him to the grave, Kyuhyun who prayed with him, it was Kyuhyun.
They went back to Kyuhyun’s apartment. They made love that night and it was all about need and want and forgetting. Sungmin needed it, needed to be in someone’s arms, needed to know that he wasn’t alone. He needed Kyuhyun that night and Kyuhyun didn’t leave him.
Kyuhyun made it better. Kyuhyun made him whole and it was Kyuhyun who bought him red velvet cake one day. And because it was Kyuhyun, he ate it.
A/N: Oh this reminds me. Can anyone guess the name of the club where Kyuhyun works? (this would be the club where Geng used to work as a stripper for those who have read LIKE VELVET) Anyway I doubt many people will get it unless it is that obvious. You probably have a better shot if you are reading the other fic or you pick up in obvious hints XD So I will get to the last chapter of both, It's High School(the hanchul) and Like Velvet(the shihan) after I get back from a sort of but not really vacation this weekend. Probably Monday since that is when I get back to college.
Pairing: Kyumin, Sungmin/Sunny mentions of Shindong/JinSook (ooc)
Genre: angst, romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sungmin promised to love her, but he can't, not when there's Kyuhyun.
Note: This is dedicated to Jann Jann because it is her birthday and she is awesome and my wife <3
A/N: *bites fingernails all nervous like* So there I was trying to finish the last chapter for Like Velvet when all of a sudden I ran into some Hanchul *cough* Annie *cough* and then I went and felt super guilty for neglecting the poor babies *cuddles the Hanchul* and so I was distracted by my other fic and then I remembered it was Jann Jann's birthday and I had to write this because I was inspired and because Kyumin can be pretty demanding =/ So anyway this is Jann Jann's birthday fic and I was trying for something sweet and nice and sdfjkshfaks I WROTE ANGST! I mean there is a happy ending and all but it't angst OTL (I now understand that emicon thing whatever it is) So anyway Happy Birthday to my wife of a few weeks and I hope you like this and yeah.
His mother's favorite cake was red velvet, his too, by default. He loved the way his mother ate, with her eyes half closed, humming a song between bites. She was beautiful in Sungmin's eyes. Sunny, his best friend since he could talk, thought so too. Sungmin loved his mother, loved her for her bravery, her courage and her sense of humor. She had raised him alone after his father left them before he was born. She raised him alone because her family disowned her when they heard she was pregnant and unmarried. Sungmin had never met his grandparents, either of them. He didn't miss them. It was hard to miss what you've never had.
His mother loved to tease him.
"I have a daughter." she'd say laughing. "And you better make sure I have a beautiful son-in-law. He should be tall, dark hair, make sure he's a singer. You know how much I love singers.
Sungmin thought his mother was making fun of how much he loved pink. He was obsessed with the color, pink shirts, pink shoes. He'd even gone and dyed his hair pink for a little while before Sunny insisted they try blond. He thought it was all fun and games. He hadn't realized how perceptive his mother really was.
***
Sungmin was 22 when his mother was diagnosed with kidney failure. Both kidneys. He was with Sunny at an amusement park. Sunny had just confessed that she thought she was in love with him.
After the phone call they ran to the hospital.
A transplant.
The only way to save her was a transplant. So, Sungmin did what he had to do. A match. The doctor said they had to match.
Sungmin loved his mother, but they didn't match.His mother said she could wait. The doctors said she had a week to find a donor. They promised she had priority. They promised they would find someone.
Sunny found him at the hospital that same night.
"I want to try." she said.
Sungmin looked at her, her sweet face and beautiful smile. She was his friend, his companion for years.
"You shouldn't." Sungmin said right away.
She had just smiled at him, taken his hand. "You know I love her and she's going to be my umma one day too. She's your umma. You love her. If I can help...I want to help."
Sungmin swore there was no one more beautiful than that lovely girl in front of him. Sunny went through tests the next day. Sungmin was outside her room.
If she was a match...if she was a match he'd love her forever.
They waited a day before the news came back.
When they went back to the doctor's office...when they went back... If you could live off happiness. Sunny was a match. The operation was long, but not as hard as convincing his mother had been.
"She's just a child."
"She can't. She has her whole life ahead of her. What if something goes wrong?"
Reasons for not doing it. Reasons for saying no. If Sungmin had been less scared, if he had been thinking straight, if he hadn't been so worried he might have seen reason. Sunny was almost his age. Sunny was his friend. Sunny was giving up part of herself to save his mother.
Sunny was in the operation room when he realized what exactly she was doing. He paced. He tried to eat. He prayed. He did everything he could think of, hoping. He swore that he'd love Sunny forever of this worked.
Five hours later they let him see her. His mother was in the intensive care ward. No worries the doctors told him. They just wanted to make sure that her body was receiving the organ.
A week they said. One week.
Sungmin went to see Sunny first. She was lying down on the bed, her pretty face pale, her eyes closed. Sungmin knew her well enough to know that she wasn't sleeping.
"Sunny?" he said.
She opened her eyes and smiled at him. Sungmin swore there was nothing more beautiful than that woman who had given his mother back her life. He loved her he decided. He loved her because she had given him what he loved the most. Sunny had saved his mother.
"Sungmin oppa." she said when she saw him. "How is she?"
"Sunny...I..."
"Not very eloquent are we?" she laughed.
"I can't...Sunny..."
"Sh," she said. "Go see your umma and then come and tell me how she is. You should have gone to see her first."
Sungmin looked at her, looked at the woman who was now part of his mother. She loved him. She loved him and he swore then to love her too. He swore he would do everything in his power to protect her and love her and make sure that she never needed anything, never wanted anything because he would give it to her.
***
His mother died a week later.
She was too strong the doctors said. Her body fought too hard. There was nothing they could do.
Sunny was there. Sunny who had given up part of herself. She was there when his mother died. She was there when they buried her. She was there when the only people who came to the funeral were his friends and her's.
"I love you." he told Sunny one day.
They were moving things into Sungmin's new apartment, something smaller, cheaper. He had gotten a job at a bookstore as a cashier of sorts. His life was supposed to be starting again. He was supposed to leave the past behind.
Sunny turned to him. "You don't love me oppa. You know you don’t.”
Sungmin watched her. Sunny was humming as she started unpacking his books. She was putting away the shirts he had when he stopped her. He turned her around slowly so that he was looking at her.
“Stop.”
“Sungmin,” She said. “Sungmin, don’t. Don’t do it because you don’t mean it.”
“I promise to take care of you. I promise to watch you. I love you Sunny.”
It took him three months to convince her. He showered her with gifts, affection, everything he could find. He tried so hard, so hard to love her, so hard to feel something. He tried. He really did. He tried his best until Siwon.
***
He knew he was never going to be able to love Sunny when he met Siwon. Siwon was tall, muscular, with a lovely dimpled smile and this aura of perfection. He was a perfect gentleman, but once you got him alone he was as fun as anyone Sungmin had ever met. Siwon was his first male crush.
He denied it. He told himself that it wasn’t true. He told himself that he was just confused. He loved Sunny. He had to love Sunny.
And then he met Kyuhyun.
He was at a bar when it happened. Everyone copes with pain in different ways. For Sungmin it was drinking, at least once until he couldn’t see straight. He went into the bar. Kyuhyun was drinking too. The reason Kyuhyun caught his eye was because of his mother.
Kyuhyun was tall, dark eyed, dark haired. Sungmin liked his eyes, deep dark eyes that were looking at him. Sungmin was the one that smiled because there was something desirable about Kyuhyun.
And then Kyuhyun was called up and there he was on stage and he was singing. And Sungmin knew that he was not going to be able to look away.
You know how much I love singers.
He loved singers too, but he hadn’t sung since his mother died. He had taken to wearing black too. No more pink, no more red velvet.
***
The next time he saw Kyuhyun was at the bookstore. Sungmin never figured out how Kyuhyun knew he worked there. When he asked Kyuhyun just smiled.
“So this is where you work then?” Kyuhyun asked running his hands over the books.
“Yes.” Sungmin said.
He had vague images of that night he met Kyuhyun. He remembered talking to him, remembered drinking with him. He had even ended up on stage singing too, dancing maybe. But, that was as far as memory went. He didn’t know anything else and he didn’t like the way Kyuhyun was watching him. It made him nervous, nervous for some reason he couldn’t place.
Kyuhyun looked at him. “You don’t remember a single thing from last night do you?”
Sungmin frowned. “Are you here to buy something or just talk? I have to get to work.”
Kyuhyun smirked and picked up a couple of books. “I’ll take all of these and your phone number.”
Sungmin rang up the books, handed them over and waited for Kyuhyun to leave. When he didn’t Sungmin turned back to him.
“Is there anything else you want?”
“I still don’t have your number.” Kyuhyun said leafing through his book.
Sungmin watched him. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like that he was so close to giving Kyuhyun his number. He didn’t like that he was so close to just dropping everything and asking about the other man. He didn’t like it because he had Sunny and he had to care for Sunny and it wasn’t fair to her.
“I have a girlfriend.” He blurted out.
“And I work at a strip club as a bartender.”
He saw the smirk on Kyuhyun’s face and wondered how in the world a smirk could make you want to kiss someone. Smirks were annoying and rude and Sungmin didn’t think it was normal for him to be attracted to Kyuhyun…attracted?
He was not attracted to Kyuhyun. He was not. He had Sunny and he has promised to take care of her, to be there for her. He has to watch her. He had to. He’d promised. He had about made his mind that he was going to blow off Kyuhyun when the other man spoke.
“I know you have a girlfriend Sungmin. Her name is Sunny. You told me. You also told me that no matter how hard you try you can’t love her. You told me that you liked it better when I kissed you. You said you’ve never done anything other than hold her hand. I know Sungmin.”
***
The next time he saw Kyuhyun he was with Siwon and Shindong. They were celebrating that it was almost Christmas. His first Christmas without his mother and he was drowning his pain with alcohol. He didn’t like it and Siwon didn’t approve.
“You’re going to become an alcoholic at the pace you’re going hyung.” Siwon scolded.
“Drinking makes you forget Siwonnie.” Sungmin answered watching Shindong dancing with his girlfriend, JinSook.
“Excuse me.” Came an all too familiar voice.
Sungmin looked up and there was Kyuhyun watching him, amusement in those eyes. Sungmin looked at him. He was still sober enough to know that Kyuhyun was alone again, no partner.
“Let’s dance.” Sungmin said because he wanted to dance.
“Hyung, do you know who this is?” Siwon asked always there and always being careful.
Sungmin nodded and stood taking Kyuhyun’s hand. He found out that Kyuhyun was an okay dancer, not the best but he did his job well. They danced and Sungmin wondered why he was denying the attraction. So he liked Kyuhyun, so he liked men, so his mother had been right.
But, Sunny.
Sunny disappeared that night. Kyuhyun was snarky and funny. He was understanding. He made Sungmin laugh, made Sungmin’s head spin at the wit. Kyuhyun made him forget and that’s why he ended up on Kyuhyun’s lap, kissing him, kissing away the pain that clawed at him.
His mother disappeared if only for that moment when he kissed Kyuhyun. He forgot that he was hurting, felt light and free. That’s why he didn’t stop. It had been six months since he had felt this free. It had been six months since he had felt no pain.
He was addicted.
***
He told Sunny about his new friend, about Kyuhyun. He said that Kyuhyun was fun to be with and he promised to introduce them.
He did and Sunny loved Kyuhyun. She talked to him, laughed with him, joked with him. It made Sungmin feel useless, worthless. He was lying to her, lying to Kyuhyun. He was lying to everyone. But, the pain left when he was with Kyuhyun. There was no pain and he was weak.
“I don’t know what game you’re playing.” Kyuhyun told him one day. “I don’t, but I want you to know that I don’t like it. I was okay with it at first because I didn’t think it would come this far. Sungmin make a choice. It’s her or me, but not both.”
Then it became real.
He had to pick. He had to decide and he didn’t like it. He stopped talking about Kyuhyun to Sunny, to Siwon. He couldn’t leave Sunny. He couldn’t leave her. He had promised her and she was sweet and caring and she had done her best to save his mother. He needed to be there for her.
And still he knew he could never love her. He couldn’t because when he compared what he felt for Sunny to what he felt when he was with Kyuhyun, it didn’t even come close. Kyuhyun was passion and freedom and heartache. Sunny was peace and laughs and sunshine. But, Sunny didn’t make his heart leap out of his chest. Sunny didn’t make him wish he had looked at himself before leaving the house.
***
He was at the costume party with Siwon when he saw Kyuhyun again. Nothing made sense to him when he saw Kyuhyun. It became about numbing the pain with those eyes, with those lips, with those sighs. It became about what he felt physically instead of what he felt emotionally. It became his escape.
And still he wanted to test the other man. If he was going to do what he was planning to do then he had to be sure.
It didn’t work the way he wanted it to. When Kyuhyun’s arms were around him his brain left him. It was all about the feel of them together, the way they moved, the way their breaths mixed together. He loved Kyuhyun he realized. Loved him because Kyuhyun made the pain go away without trying. Loved him because Kyuhyun was there and real and because Kyuhyun knew about his mother (he’d let it all out one day) and because Kyuhyun had once driven him to her grave.
He loved Kyuhyun, but Sunny.
It was always about Sunny. Even that night when he was sitting on Kyuhyun’s lap, lost in the way their bodies merged, lost in the way Kyuhyun’s hair felt in his hands, lost, so lost, even then he remembered Sunny. He remembered Sunny because Sunny was his mother in a way. And he would never abandon his mother.
***
After he found out about Siwon and Han Geng he let Kyuhyun go.
He let Sunny go.
Both things killed him.
“Sunny I have to talk to you.” He told her.
Sunny who was cooking him food looked up. “What is it? You have to hurry okay I have to get back home soon.”
Sungmin looked at her all smiles and adorable face. She was his close friend, the reason his mother got to live that extra week. She was brave and beautiful and Sungmin had not kept his promise to her. He didn’t love her.
“I…Sunny, it’s Kyuhyun.”
Sunny was there with a hand on his shoulder. “Of course it’s Kyuhyun. You didn’t think I knew? I knew and your mother knew and you were the only one who didn’t know. I was waiting for you to get it through your head.”
“But, Sunny, you...I promised you…if you knew…”
Sunny laughed. “I knew. I knew but I didn’t say anything because I guess I sort of hoped that maybe…but you don’t have to worry about me. I told you that you didn’t have to promise me anything.”
“I’m sorry.” Sungmin said because it was the only thing he could think of.
“Don’t be. I’m a strong girl. I have to be. I only have on kidney left and don’t you dare feel guilty. You can watch over me without having to date me. Now go get Kyuhyun.”
***
He started dating Kyuhyun on the anniversary of his mother’s death.
Kyuhyun was there when he thought he couldn’t breathe from the pain. Kyuhyun was there when he thought his world was ending again. Kyuhyun put it back together. Kyuhyun made it whole. Sunny called and he talked to her too, but it was Kyuhyun who pulled him into his arms and made it all better.
Kyuhyun who stayed awake with him, Kyuhyun who took him to the grave, Kyuhyun who prayed with him, it was Kyuhyun.
They went back to Kyuhyun’s apartment. They made love that night and it was all about need and want and forgetting. Sungmin needed it, needed to be in someone’s arms, needed to know that he wasn’t alone. He needed Kyuhyun that night and Kyuhyun didn’t leave him.
Kyuhyun made it better. Kyuhyun made him whole and it was Kyuhyun who bought him red velvet cake one day. And because it was Kyuhyun, he ate it.
A/N: Oh this reminds me. Can anyone guess the name of the club where Kyuhyun works? (this would be the club where Geng used to work as a stripper for those who have read LIKE VELVET) Anyway I doubt many people will get it unless it is that obvious. You probably have a better shot if you are reading the other fic or you pick up in obvious hints XD So I will get to the last chapter of both, It's High School(the hanchul) and Like Velvet(the shihan) after I get back from a sort of but not really vacation this weekend. Probably Monday since that is when I get back to college.