static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-12 10:04 pm
static_abyss) wrote2011-01-12 10:04 pm
Like Velvet Chapter 9
Title: Like Velvet
Pairing: Sihan, side pairings: Kyumin, ZhouChul and Shindong/JinSook, also kid!Henry and kid!Wookie, Kibum, Hanchul (friendship)
Genre: drama, romance, angst, (stripper!Geng) AU
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan
[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A] [Chapter 5B] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10]
A/N: Annie look! Look! More Shihan! =) And uh...uh...uh...I don't know. It snowed today and it was all wet and nasty so quick =/ I wanted to play in the snow XD Anyway. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and that is as much as I can say right now since I have to go and finish what i think will be the last chapter. Is it just me or is this fic over too fast? *pouts* Annie I want Kyuhan!!!! Oh and as a warning, long chapter is long.
Hankyung looked at the television. He heard that news, heard them say it once, twice, three times, heard it again on the evening news.
Siwon was gone.
Again.
Siwon had left him.
Again.
He didn’t know what he was expected to do. He didn’t know why everyone was watching him like he might break into a million little pieces. He had felt this before. It wasn’t something new. He was used to this. No one who ever said they loved him ever came back. He understood.
If you ended up in that club it was because you couldn’t be open about what you felt. If you weren’t Heechul then you never came back. Hankyung knew that. He wasn’t surprised. He was…well, he didn’t know what he was.
He just thought that Siwon might actually be different.
***
Shindong handed the letter over to JinSook.
“He says he is tall and beautiful and has nice legs and that I’ll know who he is when I see him.” Shindong complained as they made their way to Heechul and Zhou Mi’s apartment.
JinSook laughed. “I can see your face when he told you that. What were you thinking? All men look alike?”
Shindong frowned. “No! I was thinking…that all men look alike.”
“I knew it.” she said running forward to knock on the door.
“I don’t even know why I’m here. Siwon should have said something to this Hankyung. I don’t see why I have to run his errands for him.”
“Stop complaining. You know you want to do this and you know you miss Heechul.”
“Yeah,” Shindong said. “I miss him as much as you miss Kyuhyun.”
JinSook shook her head. “I don’t dislike Kyuhyun. I like him well enough. I just wish Little Min had better taste. More like you. You have extraordinary taste.”
Shindong rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. He laughed at the pleased look on JinSook’s face and was still laughing when Zhou Mi opened the door.
“JinSook!” Zhou Mi said pulling Shindong’s wife inside.
“Let her go, Zhou Mi.” Shindong said. “You don’t want to kill her.”
Zhou Mi let go, but turned to them eagerly. “What are you two doing here? How was everything?”
“It was beautiful.” JinSook said going on and on about the hotel, the car, the house they lived in now.
Shindong took his time looking around the apartment. He saw pictures of Henry and Heechul, of Zhou Mi and Henry, of Heechul, Zhou Mi and Henry and then there was that last one. It was a picture of Zhou Mi and another man. Henry was in the man’s arms laughing.
Shindong shook his head as he took in those eyes. Sad eyes. Eyes that seemed so innocent but said that they’d seen a lot.
“JinSook, dear.” Shindong said. “I think I lied to you.”
JinSook looked up. “What?”
Shindong pointed at the picture. “Hankyung?”
Zhou Mi frowned at him. “Yes that’s Han Geng. How do you know him?”
“Is he here?”
Zhou Mi looked at Shindong. “Yes.”
“We need to talk to him Mimi.” JinSook said turning back to Zhou Mi and waiving away Shindong. “It’s important. It’s about Siwon.”
Zhou Mi bit his lip and Shindong knew what was going through his head. He could almost hear Zhou Mi’s thoughts. Zhou Mi only ever thought this hard and looked this serious when it came to Heechul. If he was having trouble deciding then that meant that Heechul didn’t want Hankyung to hear from Siwon.
“It’s important.” JinSook said. “Listen, if it makes it any easier, I’ll go in there. You don’t have to do anything, just point in his general direction. I’ll work from that.”
Zhou Mi sighed. “Heechul. Han Geng-ge, would you mind coming in here for a second?”
“What is it Zhou Mi?” Heechul asked looking like he had been through hell and back.
“What happened to you?” Shindong asked taking in Heechul’s messed up hair. “Where is your vanity?”
“Appa!”
There was a muffled oomph from Heechul as Henry tackled him.
“Henry! What did I tell you about running at your appa?” came a soft accented voice, now full of amusement.
“He’s converting my baby.” Heechul said picking up the seven year old. “You listen to me. Do you see him there? That’s Shindong remember? He likes to eat children for breakfast, so you better stop this whole ‘gege is the best’ nonsense or I’m sending you to Shindong.”
Henry laughed and squirmed until Heechul put him down. He ran away yelling something about violins and singing Ryeowooks.
“He’s growing up well.” JinSook said her pretty face almost red. “I just love children.”
“Well.” Shindong said getting up. “I just wanted to talk to Han Geng or well he’s Hankyung so I don’t know what Siwon was talking about.”
“Siwon?”
Shindong looked at Hankyung. The stripper. He was amazed that there could be that look in those eyes. What things did a stripper not see? What things did one man who slept with other for a living not do? How was it possible that he could be so innocent, that there could be that scared look in those brown eyes?
“Why are you here Shindong?” Heechul asked no longer smiling.
Zhou Mi noticed the glare and stood up to put an arm around Heechul. “Listen to them Heechul. Shindong came because this is important, whether to him or to Siwon or both. Listen to him.”
Heechul shrugged. “I’m not the one who has to listen. It’s Hankyung.”
“I…I don’t know what you want me to say. What am I supposed to say Heechul? Let me go to him?”
Shindong watched the pained look in Heechul’s eyes. He saw the worry in Zhou Mi’s face. And he understood. There were two ways to react to Hankyung. One way was the predictable way, the one where he was shunned, ignored, ridiculed for what he did or had done. And the other, the other was the one that Zhou Mi and Heechul had adopted, the one where you worried and wanted to protect.
Hankyung was obliviously innocent. He knew nothing of the world, did not understand that he didn’t have to ask, that he was the one to make the decision. If he wanted to he could run now and go to Siwon, could have run away a long time ago. Shindong understood why Heechul was so protective. Siwon hadn’t been the best example of protection and Hankyung needed to be protected.
At this moment in time, this young man was someone who could be easily hurt, easily manipulated. He needed time to grow and change and accept that he was free and that his life was his own. Shindong looked at JinSook.
“Give me the letter Shindong.”
Shindong bit the inside of his cheek. JinSook was so damn perceptive. He loved her for it but really? What if they were wrong? What if…Shindong sighed and handed the letter over.
“He came to the house.” JinSook said going over to Hankyung.
Shindong watched her. She ignored the glare from Heechul and smiled at Zhou Mi’s apologetic smile. She walked to Hankyung as if he were a child, as if he were so easily breakable, as if she was afraid of scaring him.
“He left this letter. “ JinSook said taking Hankyung’s hand to put the letter in his hands. “Read it sweetie. Siwon oppa means well. He is a beautiful person who would never hurt you, not you and not anyone else and Heechul knows it. We all know it.”
“He left him after he promised to go back to get him. Hankyung was stuck in that place and his parents were paying for it.” Heechul said. “You don’t know what it’s like in there. You’ve never been in there.”
Shindong shook his head. “It was his mother.”
“And Siwon was sixteen.” JinSook said. “Sungmin told us. He was sixteen. He was a baby. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was scared and his mother has always been able to get her way with everything. He was raised to listen to her, to believe in them both blindly. You know how she feels about him. You know she hates him because his father only married her by force. Kim Kibum’s father. You know about the Kims.”
“What about the Kims?” Heechul said shrugging. “Siwon isn’t like his father. He actually might have the balls to say no to his parents. You, JinSook, seem to believe in him.”
“Heechul-ah.” Hankyung asked. “What is this about Siwon and who is Kim Kibum?”
Heechul sighed. “Sit down. It’s a long story.”
***
Hankyung looked at the letter in his hands. Siwon has written it. Siwon had wanted him to read it. He looked at it and then up again. Heechul was watching him.
“Are you okay?”
Hankyung nodded. “I didn’t know about his father. It makes sense that his mother would think he’s like his father. They like the same things.”
Heechul laughed bitter but less angry than Hankyung had ever heard him. “Siwon will tell you about it if he ever decides he wants to come back.”
“Let me go see him.”
Heechul shook his head. “When you realize why you shouldn’t even be asking me that question, then maybe, I’ll let you go.”
Hankyung looked after Heechul. He looked at the letter in his hands. Why not ask Heechul? Heechul was his friend. Heechul cared about him. Heechul would never abandon him. Why not listen to Heechul?
He looked at the white envelope. He took out the letter, admired the nice, even handwriting, so Siwon, so perfect.
I left you again didn’t I? What I want you to know before you do anything, come to any conclusions, is that I did not want to do it. I’m here in America because of my mother and because I love you and I can’t let her hurt you. I want to protect you, to love you, freely, openly. She won’t let me and as long as she thinks you’re the problem she’s going to try to get rid of you. If I’m here then you are not a problem.
I promise to come back. I know that this doesn’t mean much, shouldn’t mean much since I haven’t been good at keeping my promises to you. I just want to let you know that I love you. I want to tell you that you are beautiful and that when I left five years ago, I never forgot you.
I left because they were my parents, but I loved you. I dreamt about you. I wanted to run back every day, but I didn’t because they were my parents. You don’t know how much I wish I could say this to your face, how much I wish I was there to hold you and apologize.
I don’t know how long I’ll be here.
I love you.
I am going to do whatever it takes to get back there with you. I will go back. I promise. And SooYoung, she’s a friend. She wants to marry me as much as I want to marry her.
I am sorry for the letter, but calling you or texting isn’t going to work, seeing you won’t work. They’re watching me. I can do this, send letters by Kibum. Kibum is a friend, the son of a man that my father knows. I’ll tell you that story when I see you again.
Hankyung put down the letter. What was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to answer? It was another promise.
***
Siwon looked at the envelope that Kibum handed to him. An answer.
“Why are you so surprised?” Kibum laughed flopping down in front of his computer.
“He actually wrote back.” Siwon said still not believing it.
“Yes he did.” Kibum said putting his legs up on his desk. “Whatever you told him worked.”
Siwon didn’t listen. He went to Kibum’s couch and opened the letter.
I hope you didn’t kill your mother. The news says that she hasn’t been able to get in contact with you. I hear you’re married. Imagine that. Heechul says that the news lies and that I shouldn’t listen. I don’t listen mostly because you said you would be back.
It’s really cold here. It rained yesterday and it reminded me of how it’s almost Christmas here. I hope it’s not too cold where you are. If it is wear something warm.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin are very adorable together. Kyuhyun likes taking me out a lot. Heechul says that it’s good. He says I need to get out more. You should go out too. Maybe someone will see you and then I can have some news about you. It’s sort of funny how I know more about you than your mother does.
She was talking about you on the news and I swear she was talking about a dog.
It reminded me of this dog I once had back when Daejung thought I needed a dog. His name was Rong Rong and he was tiny but I loved him. He was given away when I was ten. I loved that dog. If I ever get another one I’ll call him Siwonnie.
Siwon laughed. He laughed because if he didn’t he was going to cry. There was no anger in those words, sweet words, so innocent. He wanted to go back to Korea, wanted to find Hankyung and hug him and keep him safe forever. He had to go back. He had to.
He could hear the unspoken words in the letter. He could hear them as if Hankyung were shouting them at him.
Where are you?
He heard them as he read about how Henry, heard them as he read about Kyuhyun and Sungmin. He heard them in everything that he read in that letter.
Where are you?
When are you coming back?
Siwon took the nearest paper and the pen from Kibum’s ear. He ignored the weak protest as Kibum went back to his game.
***
The last time I cried I was sixteen. I had just left you and my mother had forbidden me from seeing you. She told me that I embarrassed her, that she wished she had a different son, that she was disgusted.
Don’t misunderstand her. She was a lovely woman most of the time. She took me to church every Sunday. She taught me how to behave, how to act, how to respect others. She loved me in the beginning I think. I think she still loves me. She is just hurt.
I know I told you I would wait to see you to tell you what happened, but I supposed this is as good a time as any. My mother loved my father, but he didn’t love her. He was in love with Kibum’s father. My mother didn’t know. She just knew that he was sometimes cold, sometimes too distant. When I was born he stuck me and Kibum together. It was his excuse. He wanted to be closer to Kibum’s father.
My mother found out about it when I was sixteen. She found out days before she found out about me and you. He told her. He told her that he was in love with Kibum’s father and that he was sorry for ever agreeing to marry her. My mother, she was always so sweet, but since that say she hasn’t been the same.
As I was writing this letter I was also thinking about how you keep talking about Kyuhyun. I know you like him and he likes you. I will always be grateful to him for being there when I wasn’t. To Heechul for caring so much. When I read about how much fun you have when you go out with him I was considering telling you to stop.
I have no right to do that. If he is what you want then…I suppose this is the part where I say if he makes you happy. The problem is I don’t want to say it. I’ve listened to my parents for so long. I’ve done what they taught me to do. I’ve done what everyone expects me to do and I am done.
Do not let Kyuhyun anywhere near you.
I’m going to go back and I expect to see you, alone, no Kyuhyun.
***
What’s crying?
Siwon stopped reading. He was almost afraid to read this letter. It had taken longer than the others to come. He’d been apart from Hankyung for six months now. They’d passed Christmas. His mother had locked him up in the house for three months after she found out that he was sneaking out to see Kibum.
His father was gone. His mother didn’t know where he was. Siwon didn’t know where he was. The company was in the process of being split into three of its executives. Siwon was working on keeping it together.
Things had changed.
He had gone from escaping his mother to protecting his father’s company. Kibum’s father had also gone missing. Siwon didn’t even want to think about what that could mean, but it made his mother furious. She tried to sue the Kims for every penny they had. Siwon still wasn’t sure what her reasons were.
He was trying his best. He had told Hankyung that he was trying, had told Hankyung that he was trying to keep his company together. His mother had given up on him a month ago. She had disappeared too. Everything was so close. It was almost over.
But, the company. He couldn’t let it go.
His father’s dream. His mother’s dream. Their hard work. Whoever they were, whatever they were, however they acted, it didn’t matter. They had once been like him, young and with dreams of their own. He couldn’t let it all go to waste.
Siwon sighed. He picked up the letter.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin are together now. They make me laugh. Heechul and Zhou Mi celebrated their anniversary last week. And even Henry has someone to play with. Ryeowook is adorable and his father, Yesung, is amusing. He makes me laugh.
I’m working as a dance teacher now and this dance troupe asked me to join them. They said I don’t have to go anywhere. I can stay here in Korea and work with them. You should have seen Heechul’s face when I told him. He looked like he was going to punch me. Zhou Mi had to hold him back. He’s just angry because he wishes he were like me.
There it was again. Realization. The realization that Hankyung had changed. The realization that he might have finally outgrown Siwon. And still Siwon was not afraid. How was he supposed to be afraid if he had gotten over the most difficult part? How was he supposed to be afraid if Hankyung still ended those letters the same way.
Love Han Geng.
***
It was snowing in New York when he finally wrote that last letter.
He was leaving Kibum in charge of the branch in California and he had someone else here taking care of their New York branch.
Siwon walked down the streets of Times Square, looking at the big screen where he had seen the famous crystal ball come down on January 1st. He walked past the huge Toys R Us that had the ferris wheel inside. He was guilty of riding it.
One more letter.
Just one more.
***
Hankyung opened the white envelope.
“Gege!” Henry said coming out of nowhere and jumping on him. “Gege, I want a story and then I want you to take me and Wookie to the store. We want ice cream.”
“No we don’t.” Little Ryeowook said pouting. “Henli wants ice cream. I just want to get home to my dad and have him sing me a song.”
“But, gege can sing too.” Henry said. “And he dances.”
“My appa can dance.”
“Not like gege.”
“Yes he can!”
“NO!”
“Henry.” Hankyung said putting a hand on the little boy. “Henry everyone can dance. Now go get your jacket. We can drop off Ryeowook at Yesung’s and then go get ice cream.”
“We can!” Henry said turning bright eyes on Hankyung. “But I have to ask appa and papa.”
“You go do that.” Hankyung said taking Ryeowook’s hand and pulling him along. “Me and Wookie will go get ready.”
“But, don’t you have to ask appa for permission?” Henry asked.
Hankyung laughed. “I don’t need anyone to give me permission. I make my own decisions now.”
Henry shook his head but went off to find Heechul.
Hankyung was buttoning Ryeowook’s jacket when he realized what he said. He made his own decisions. He was in charge of his life. He was the one who said yes or no. Him. Not anyone else.
He stood up and went for the envelope in his room. He unfolded the paper.
Wait for me. I’ll see you in three days.
Love always,
Siwon.
Yes. It was his decision.
A/N: *sighs* Can you feel the ending nearing? I can. =/
Pairing: Sihan, side pairings: Kyumin, ZhouChul and Shindong/JinSook, also kid!Henry and kid!Wookie, Kibum, Hanchul (friendship)
Genre: drama, romance, angst, (stripper!Geng) AU
Rating: R (for mature content and themes)
Summary: Hankyung knew no life other than that club where he had to do what he was told, bend over for whoever wanted it, do whatever his clients paid him to do and then one day he meets Siwon and he thinks he'll finally get out. But, Siwon never comes back even though he promised and Hankyung is left alone. Five years later he's out thanks to Heechul and then Siwon comes back..
Note: For
shihan_ai and daidetre because I refuse to let her live her life in fear of Sihan[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5A] [Chapter 5B] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10]
A/N: Annie look! Look! More Shihan! =) And uh...uh...uh...I don't know. It snowed today and it was all wet and nasty so quick =/ I wanted to play in the snow XD Anyway. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and that is as much as I can say right now since I have to go and finish what i think will be the last chapter. Is it just me or is this fic over too fast? *pouts* Annie I want Kyuhan!!!! Oh and as a warning, long chapter is long.
Hankyung looked at the television. He heard that news, heard them say it once, twice, three times, heard it again on the evening news.
Siwon was gone.
Again.
Siwon had left him.
Again.
He didn’t know what he was expected to do. He didn’t know why everyone was watching him like he might break into a million little pieces. He had felt this before. It wasn’t something new. He was used to this. No one who ever said they loved him ever came back. He understood.
If you ended up in that club it was because you couldn’t be open about what you felt. If you weren’t Heechul then you never came back. Hankyung knew that. He wasn’t surprised. He was…well, he didn’t know what he was.
He just thought that Siwon might actually be different.
***
Shindong handed the letter over to JinSook.
“He says he is tall and beautiful and has nice legs and that I’ll know who he is when I see him.” Shindong complained as they made their way to Heechul and Zhou Mi’s apartment.
JinSook laughed. “I can see your face when he told you that. What were you thinking? All men look alike?”
Shindong frowned. “No! I was thinking…that all men look alike.”
“I knew it.” she said running forward to knock on the door.
“I don’t even know why I’m here. Siwon should have said something to this Hankyung. I don’t see why I have to run his errands for him.”
“Stop complaining. You know you want to do this and you know you miss Heechul.”
“Yeah,” Shindong said. “I miss him as much as you miss Kyuhyun.”
JinSook shook her head. “I don’t dislike Kyuhyun. I like him well enough. I just wish Little Min had better taste. More like you. You have extraordinary taste.”
Shindong rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. He laughed at the pleased look on JinSook’s face and was still laughing when Zhou Mi opened the door.
“JinSook!” Zhou Mi said pulling Shindong’s wife inside.
“Let her go, Zhou Mi.” Shindong said. “You don’t want to kill her.”
Zhou Mi let go, but turned to them eagerly. “What are you two doing here? How was everything?”
“It was beautiful.” JinSook said going on and on about the hotel, the car, the house they lived in now.
Shindong took his time looking around the apartment. He saw pictures of Henry and Heechul, of Zhou Mi and Henry, of Heechul, Zhou Mi and Henry and then there was that last one. It was a picture of Zhou Mi and another man. Henry was in the man’s arms laughing.
Shindong shook his head as he took in those eyes. Sad eyes. Eyes that seemed so innocent but said that they’d seen a lot.
“JinSook, dear.” Shindong said. “I think I lied to you.”
JinSook looked up. “What?”
Shindong pointed at the picture. “Hankyung?”
Zhou Mi frowned at him. “Yes that’s Han Geng. How do you know him?”
“Is he here?”
Zhou Mi looked at Shindong. “Yes.”
“We need to talk to him Mimi.” JinSook said turning back to Zhou Mi and waiving away Shindong. “It’s important. It’s about Siwon.”
Zhou Mi bit his lip and Shindong knew what was going through his head. He could almost hear Zhou Mi’s thoughts. Zhou Mi only ever thought this hard and looked this serious when it came to Heechul. If he was having trouble deciding then that meant that Heechul didn’t want Hankyung to hear from Siwon.
“It’s important.” JinSook said. “Listen, if it makes it any easier, I’ll go in there. You don’t have to do anything, just point in his general direction. I’ll work from that.”
Zhou Mi sighed. “Heechul. Han Geng-ge, would you mind coming in here for a second?”
“What is it Zhou Mi?” Heechul asked looking like he had been through hell and back.
“What happened to you?” Shindong asked taking in Heechul’s messed up hair. “Where is your vanity?”
“Appa!”
There was a muffled oomph from Heechul as Henry tackled him.
“Henry! What did I tell you about running at your appa?” came a soft accented voice, now full of amusement.
“He’s converting my baby.” Heechul said picking up the seven year old. “You listen to me. Do you see him there? That’s Shindong remember? He likes to eat children for breakfast, so you better stop this whole ‘gege is the best’ nonsense or I’m sending you to Shindong.”
Henry laughed and squirmed until Heechul put him down. He ran away yelling something about violins and singing Ryeowooks.
“He’s growing up well.” JinSook said her pretty face almost red. “I just love children.”
“Well.” Shindong said getting up. “I just wanted to talk to Han Geng or well he’s Hankyung so I don’t know what Siwon was talking about.”
“Siwon?”
Shindong looked at Hankyung. The stripper. He was amazed that there could be that look in those eyes. What things did a stripper not see? What things did one man who slept with other for a living not do? How was it possible that he could be so innocent, that there could be that scared look in those brown eyes?
“Why are you here Shindong?” Heechul asked no longer smiling.
Zhou Mi noticed the glare and stood up to put an arm around Heechul. “Listen to them Heechul. Shindong came because this is important, whether to him or to Siwon or both. Listen to him.”
Heechul shrugged. “I’m not the one who has to listen. It’s Hankyung.”
“I…I don’t know what you want me to say. What am I supposed to say Heechul? Let me go to him?”
Shindong watched the pained look in Heechul’s eyes. He saw the worry in Zhou Mi’s face. And he understood. There were two ways to react to Hankyung. One way was the predictable way, the one where he was shunned, ignored, ridiculed for what he did or had done. And the other, the other was the one that Zhou Mi and Heechul had adopted, the one where you worried and wanted to protect.
Hankyung was obliviously innocent. He knew nothing of the world, did not understand that he didn’t have to ask, that he was the one to make the decision. If he wanted to he could run now and go to Siwon, could have run away a long time ago. Shindong understood why Heechul was so protective. Siwon hadn’t been the best example of protection and Hankyung needed to be protected.
At this moment in time, this young man was someone who could be easily hurt, easily manipulated. He needed time to grow and change and accept that he was free and that his life was his own. Shindong looked at JinSook.
“Give me the letter Shindong.”
Shindong bit the inside of his cheek. JinSook was so damn perceptive. He loved her for it but really? What if they were wrong? What if…Shindong sighed and handed the letter over.
“He came to the house.” JinSook said going over to Hankyung.
Shindong watched her. She ignored the glare from Heechul and smiled at Zhou Mi’s apologetic smile. She walked to Hankyung as if he were a child, as if he were so easily breakable, as if she was afraid of scaring him.
“He left this letter. “ JinSook said taking Hankyung’s hand to put the letter in his hands. “Read it sweetie. Siwon oppa means well. He is a beautiful person who would never hurt you, not you and not anyone else and Heechul knows it. We all know it.”
“He left him after he promised to go back to get him. Hankyung was stuck in that place and his parents were paying for it.” Heechul said. “You don’t know what it’s like in there. You’ve never been in there.”
Shindong shook his head. “It was his mother.”
“And Siwon was sixteen.” JinSook said. “Sungmin told us. He was sixteen. He was a baby. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was scared and his mother has always been able to get her way with everything. He was raised to listen to her, to believe in them both blindly. You know how she feels about him. You know she hates him because his father only married her by force. Kim Kibum’s father. You know about the Kims.”
“What about the Kims?” Heechul said shrugging. “Siwon isn’t like his father. He actually might have the balls to say no to his parents. You, JinSook, seem to believe in him.”
“Heechul-ah.” Hankyung asked. “What is this about Siwon and who is Kim Kibum?”
Heechul sighed. “Sit down. It’s a long story.”
***
Hankyung looked at the letter in his hands. Siwon has written it. Siwon had wanted him to read it. He looked at it and then up again. Heechul was watching him.
“Are you okay?”
Hankyung nodded. “I didn’t know about his father. It makes sense that his mother would think he’s like his father. They like the same things.”
Heechul laughed bitter but less angry than Hankyung had ever heard him. “Siwon will tell you about it if he ever decides he wants to come back.”
“Let me go see him.”
Heechul shook his head. “When you realize why you shouldn’t even be asking me that question, then maybe, I’ll let you go.”
Hankyung looked after Heechul. He looked at the letter in his hands. Why not ask Heechul? Heechul was his friend. Heechul cared about him. Heechul would never abandon him. Why not listen to Heechul?
He looked at the white envelope. He took out the letter, admired the nice, even handwriting, so Siwon, so perfect.
I left you again didn’t I? What I want you to know before you do anything, come to any conclusions, is that I did not want to do it. I’m here in America because of my mother and because I love you and I can’t let her hurt you. I want to protect you, to love you, freely, openly. She won’t let me and as long as she thinks you’re the problem she’s going to try to get rid of you. If I’m here then you are not a problem.
I promise to come back. I know that this doesn’t mean much, shouldn’t mean much since I haven’t been good at keeping my promises to you. I just want to let you know that I love you. I want to tell you that you are beautiful and that when I left five years ago, I never forgot you.
I left because they were my parents, but I loved you. I dreamt about you. I wanted to run back every day, but I didn’t because they were my parents. You don’t know how much I wish I could say this to your face, how much I wish I was there to hold you and apologize.
I don’t know how long I’ll be here.
I love you.
I am going to do whatever it takes to get back there with you. I will go back. I promise. And SooYoung, she’s a friend. She wants to marry me as much as I want to marry her.
I am sorry for the letter, but calling you or texting isn’t going to work, seeing you won’t work. They’re watching me. I can do this, send letters by Kibum. Kibum is a friend, the son of a man that my father knows. I’ll tell you that story when I see you again.
Hankyung put down the letter. What was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to answer? It was another promise.
***
Siwon looked at the envelope that Kibum handed to him. An answer.
“Why are you so surprised?” Kibum laughed flopping down in front of his computer.
“He actually wrote back.” Siwon said still not believing it.
“Yes he did.” Kibum said putting his legs up on his desk. “Whatever you told him worked.”
Siwon didn’t listen. He went to Kibum’s couch and opened the letter.
I hope you didn’t kill your mother. The news says that she hasn’t been able to get in contact with you. I hear you’re married. Imagine that. Heechul says that the news lies and that I shouldn’t listen. I don’t listen mostly because you said you would be back.
It’s really cold here. It rained yesterday and it reminded me of how it’s almost Christmas here. I hope it’s not too cold where you are. If it is wear something warm.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin are very adorable together. Kyuhyun likes taking me out a lot. Heechul says that it’s good. He says I need to get out more. You should go out too. Maybe someone will see you and then I can have some news about you. It’s sort of funny how I know more about you than your mother does.
She was talking about you on the news and I swear she was talking about a dog.
It reminded me of this dog I once had back when Daejung thought I needed a dog. His name was Rong Rong and he was tiny but I loved him. He was given away when I was ten. I loved that dog. If I ever get another one I’ll call him Siwonnie.
Siwon laughed. He laughed because if he didn’t he was going to cry. There was no anger in those words, sweet words, so innocent. He wanted to go back to Korea, wanted to find Hankyung and hug him and keep him safe forever. He had to go back. He had to.
He could hear the unspoken words in the letter. He could hear them as if Hankyung were shouting them at him.
Where are you?
He heard them as he read about how Henry, heard them as he read about Kyuhyun and Sungmin. He heard them in everything that he read in that letter.
Where are you?
When are you coming back?
Siwon took the nearest paper and the pen from Kibum’s ear. He ignored the weak protest as Kibum went back to his game.
***
The last time I cried I was sixteen. I had just left you and my mother had forbidden me from seeing you. She told me that I embarrassed her, that she wished she had a different son, that she was disgusted.
Don’t misunderstand her. She was a lovely woman most of the time. She took me to church every Sunday. She taught me how to behave, how to act, how to respect others. She loved me in the beginning I think. I think she still loves me. She is just hurt.
I know I told you I would wait to see you to tell you what happened, but I supposed this is as good a time as any. My mother loved my father, but he didn’t love her. He was in love with Kibum’s father. My mother didn’t know. She just knew that he was sometimes cold, sometimes too distant. When I was born he stuck me and Kibum together. It was his excuse. He wanted to be closer to Kibum’s father.
My mother found out about it when I was sixteen. She found out days before she found out about me and you. He told her. He told her that he was in love with Kibum’s father and that he was sorry for ever agreeing to marry her. My mother, she was always so sweet, but since that say she hasn’t been the same.
As I was writing this letter I was also thinking about how you keep talking about Kyuhyun. I know you like him and he likes you. I will always be grateful to him for being there when I wasn’t. To Heechul for caring so much. When I read about how much fun you have when you go out with him I was considering telling you to stop.
I have no right to do that. If he is what you want then…I suppose this is the part where I say if he makes you happy. The problem is I don’t want to say it. I’ve listened to my parents for so long. I’ve done what they taught me to do. I’ve done what everyone expects me to do and I am done.
Do not let Kyuhyun anywhere near you.
I’m going to go back and I expect to see you, alone, no Kyuhyun.
***
What’s crying?
Siwon stopped reading. He was almost afraid to read this letter. It had taken longer than the others to come. He’d been apart from Hankyung for six months now. They’d passed Christmas. His mother had locked him up in the house for three months after she found out that he was sneaking out to see Kibum.
His father was gone. His mother didn’t know where he was. Siwon didn’t know where he was. The company was in the process of being split into three of its executives. Siwon was working on keeping it together.
Things had changed.
He had gone from escaping his mother to protecting his father’s company. Kibum’s father had also gone missing. Siwon didn’t even want to think about what that could mean, but it made his mother furious. She tried to sue the Kims for every penny they had. Siwon still wasn’t sure what her reasons were.
He was trying his best. He had told Hankyung that he was trying, had told Hankyung that he was trying to keep his company together. His mother had given up on him a month ago. She had disappeared too. Everything was so close. It was almost over.
But, the company. He couldn’t let it go.
His father’s dream. His mother’s dream. Their hard work. Whoever they were, whatever they were, however they acted, it didn’t matter. They had once been like him, young and with dreams of their own. He couldn’t let it all go to waste.
Siwon sighed. He picked up the letter.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin are together now. They make me laugh. Heechul and Zhou Mi celebrated their anniversary last week. And even Henry has someone to play with. Ryeowook is adorable and his father, Yesung, is amusing. He makes me laugh.
I’m working as a dance teacher now and this dance troupe asked me to join them. They said I don’t have to go anywhere. I can stay here in Korea and work with them. You should have seen Heechul’s face when I told him. He looked like he was going to punch me. Zhou Mi had to hold him back. He’s just angry because he wishes he were like me.
There it was again. Realization. The realization that Hankyung had changed. The realization that he might have finally outgrown Siwon. And still Siwon was not afraid. How was he supposed to be afraid if he had gotten over the most difficult part? How was he supposed to be afraid if Hankyung still ended those letters the same way.
Love Han Geng.
***
It was snowing in New York when he finally wrote that last letter.
He was leaving Kibum in charge of the branch in California and he had someone else here taking care of their New York branch.
Siwon walked down the streets of Times Square, looking at the big screen where he had seen the famous crystal ball come down on January 1st. He walked past the huge Toys R Us that had the ferris wheel inside. He was guilty of riding it.
One more letter.
Just one more.
***
Hankyung opened the white envelope.
“Gege!” Henry said coming out of nowhere and jumping on him. “Gege, I want a story and then I want you to take me and Wookie to the store. We want ice cream.”
“No we don’t.” Little Ryeowook said pouting. “Henli wants ice cream. I just want to get home to my dad and have him sing me a song.”
“But, gege can sing too.” Henry said. “And he dances.”
“My appa can dance.”
“Not like gege.”
“Yes he can!”
“NO!”
“Henry.” Hankyung said putting a hand on the little boy. “Henry everyone can dance. Now go get your jacket. We can drop off Ryeowook at Yesung’s and then go get ice cream.”
“We can!” Henry said turning bright eyes on Hankyung. “But I have to ask appa and papa.”
“You go do that.” Hankyung said taking Ryeowook’s hand and pulling him along. “Me and Wookie will go get ready.”
“But, don’t you have to ask appa for permission?” Henry asked.
Hankyung laughed. “I don’t need anyone to give me permission. I make my own decisions now.”
Henry shook his head but went off to find Heechul.
Hankyung was buttoning Ryeowook’s jacket when he realized what he said. He made his own decisions. He was in charge of his life. He was the one who said yes or no. Him. Not anyone else.
He stood up and went for the envelope in his room. He unfolded the paper.
Wait for me. I’ll see you in three days.
Love always,
Siwon.
Yes. It was his decision.
A/N: *sighs* Can you feel the ending nearing? I can. =/