static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2010-09-04 03:55 pm
static_abyss) wrote2010-09-04 03:55 pm
Entry tags:
My Name is Kangin (part 2)
A/N FIRST OF ALL GUYS, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING!I know you guys haven't received responses yet, but don't worry, you will. I just can't respond to the comments at the moment, but please keep commenting. This is the second part, enjoy!
Sungmin closed his eyes tightly as Kangin pushed him against the dorm door. Kangin shut his eyes too, but even as he kissed his boyfriend, he knew something was wrong. He still felt the peace and comfort, but there was something missing. Even when Sungmin buried his head in Kangin’s shoulders, even then, there was something missing. There was something missing because, no matter how much he loved Sungmin, he couldn’t get a certain leader out of his mind.
"Are you feeling okay?" Sungmin asked after a while.
"Yes." Kangin sighed, hugging Sungmin close. Sungmin knew there was something Kangin wasn’t telling him. He knew that he should ask but he could not bring himself to do it. And he knew, as he watched Kangin climb into bed, that the reason he didn’t ask, was because he was afraid of the answer.
***
"What happened out there?" Yesung asked. Leeteuk was lying on his bed with his legs hanging over the side.
"Nothing. You know what happened." Leeteuk answered.
"Hyung," Yesung started. "if I knew what happened, I wouldn’t be asking you now."
Leeteuk sighed. He closed his eyes and grabbed a handful of sheets.
"I can’t do it anymore Yesungie. I can’t watch him and Sungmin together. Whenever I see them I want to rip their hands apart. I hate every time Kangin laughs and Sungmin’s the cause of it. I hate that damn smile of Kangin’s. I hate it because it’s not directed at me. I hate Sungmin and I cant...I don’t want to. no one should hate Sungmin-sshi." Leeteuk paused to take a shaky breath. "I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of it hurting. I don’t want to want him anymore. I want to laugh with him without feeling like I betrayed Sungmin. I want to be able to ask him to come to the store with me without being afraid that I’ll do something wrong. But, I also want to hug him. I want him to worry about me again. I want him to fuss over me and send me to nap even though I don’t need it. I want him to be protective of me...Not Sungmin."
Leeteuk jumped when he felt Yesung’s cool fingers on his cheek. He saw Yesung’s fingers come away wet and only then did he realize he was crying.
"What really happened that night that Yunho dumped Kangin?" Leeteuk laughed. All he had ever wanted was for someone to ask him, for someone to let him clarify, to let him explain. But, he had wanted that someone to be Kangin.
"I left to teach Yunho a lesson.”
He laughed until tears ran down his face. It was an almost desperate laugh that stopped almost as suddenly as it started.
"If it were anyone, damnit! Anyone, but Sungmin."
"But it’s not." Yesung murmured putting his arms around hid hyung as Leeteuk fell against him.
"No." Leeteuk’s voice came muffled. “It’s not."
***
Sungmin didn’t know what to do. He was losing Kangin and he couldn’t even place the blame on any one person. He knew who it was that Kangin followed. He would be stupid not to notice how Kangin’s eyes followed their leader. But, Leeteuk wasn’t doing anything to encourage Kangin. If anything Leeteuk was keeping his distance. He spoke to Kangin only when necessary and he was never alone with him. But despite all that and despite how much Sungmin tried, he just couldn’t keep Kangin’s interest. He couldn’t keep him by his side. Despite all the time Kangin spent with him, Sungmin felt alone. There was no relationship anymore, just habit. And that was what worried Sungmin the most.
***
Kangin walked around in a daze. He had heard everything. That night that Yesung had gone after Leeteuk, he had followed them. Now he knew. Leeteuk hadn’t abandoned him. The news made his heart swell. Leeteuk was still his Leeteuk. Leeteuk was holding back because he was afraid of hurting Sungmin. But Leeteuk felt the same way he did. It wasn’t the same one sided love he had nursed for the past two years.
"Kangin? Kangin!" Kangin jumped up as Heechul practically burst his ear drums.
"What?!"
"Go see Sungmin. He’s been up in the roof for the past hour."
"Huh?"
"I don’t know what he sees in you." Heechul muttered walking away. “if I were him I would have dumped you for myself years." Kangin stared after Heechul. He had never spoken a truer word in a long time. He himself didn’t understand what anyone saw in him. But Heechul was right; he had to go see Sungmin. He found Sungmin leaning against the roof railing and looking out at Seoul.
***
A/N:SO? how was it? the next part is going to be the last one!
Sungmin closed his eyes tightly as Kangin pushed him against the dorm door. Kangin shut his eyes too, but even as he kissed his boyfriend, he knew something was wrong. He still felt the peace and comfort, but there was something missing. Even when Sungmin buried his head in Kangin’s shoulders, even then, there was something missing. There was something missing because, no matter how much he loved Sungmin, he couldn’t get a certain leader out of his mind.
"Are you feeling okay?" Sungmin asked after a while.
"Yes." Kangin sighed, hugging Sungmin close. Sungmin knew there was something Kangin wasn’t telling him. He knew that he should ask but he could not bring himself to do it. And he knew, as he watched Kangin climb into bed, that the reason he didn’t ask, was because he was afraid of the answer.
***
"What happened out there?" Yesung asked. Leeteuk was lying on his bed with his legs hanging over the side.
"Nothing. You know what happened." Leeteuk answered.
"Hyung," Yesung started. "if I knew what happened, I wouldn’t be asking you now."
Leeteuk sighed. He closed his eyes and grabbed a handful of sheets.
"I can’t do it anymore Yesungie. I can’t watch him and Sungmin together. Whenever I see them I want to rip their hands apart. I hate every time Kangin laughs and Sungmin’s the cause of it. I hate that damn smile of Kangin’s. I hate it because it’s not directed at me. I hate Sungmin and I cant...I don’t want to. no one should hate Sungmin-sshi." Leeteuk paused to take a shaky breath. "I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of it hurting. I don’t want to want him anymore. I want to laugh with him without feeling like I betrayed Sungmin. I want to be able to ask him to come to the store with me without being afraid that I’ll do something wrong. But, I also want to hug him. I want him to worry about me again. I want him to fuss over me and send me to nap even though I don’t need it. I want him to be protective of me...Not Sungmin."
Leeteuk jumped when he felt Yesung’s cool fingers on his cheek. He saw Yesung’s fingers come away wet and only then did he realize he was crying.
"What really happened that night that Yunho dumped Kangin?" Leeteuk laughed. All he had ever wanted was for someone to ask him, for someone to let him clarify, to let him explain. But, he had wanted that someone to be Kangin.
"I left to teach Yunho a lesson.”
He laughed until tears ran down his face. It was an almost desperate laugh that stopped almost as suddenly as it started.
"If it were anyone, damnit! Anyone, but Sungmin."
"But it’s not." Yesung murmured putting his arms around hid hyung as Leeteuk fell against him.
"No." Leeteuk’s voice came muffled. “It’s not."
***
Sungmin didn’t know what to do. He was losing Kangin and he couldn’t even place the blame on any one person. He knew who it was that Kangin followed. He would be stupid not to notice how Kangin’s eyes followed their leader. But, Leeteuk wasn’t doing anything to encourage Kangin. If anything Leeteuk was keeping his distance. He spoke to Kangin only when necessary and he was never alone with him. But despite all that and despite how much Sungmin tried, he just couldn’t keep Kangin’s interest. He couldn’t keep him by his side. Despite all the time Kangin spent with him, Sungmin felt alone. There was no relationship anymore, just habit. And that was what worried Sungmin the most.
***
Kangin walked around in a daze. He had heard everything. That night that Yesung had gone after Leeteuk, he had followed them. Now he knew. Leeteuk hadn’t abandoned him. The news made his heart swell. Leeteuk was still his Leeteuk. Leeteuk was holding back because he was afraid of hurting Sungmin. But Leeteuk felt the same way he did. It wasn’t the same one sided love he had nursed for the past two years.
"Kangin? Kangin!" Kangin jumped up as Heechul practically burst his ear drums.
"What?!"
"Go see Sungmin. He’s been up in the roof for the past hour."
"Huh?"
"I don’t know what he sees in you." Heechul muttered walking away. “if I were him I would have dumped you for myself years." Kangin stared after Heechul. He had never spoken a truer word in a long time. He himself didn’t understand what anyone saw in him. But Heechul was right; he had to go see Sungmin. He found Sungmin leaning against the roof railing and looking out at Seoul.
***
A/N:SO? how was it? the next part is going to be the last one!
no subject
i can't decide who i'll agree for....hard decision...hmmm...
but,i guess that whatever decision made,someone's gonna get hurt....
sigh
i'm so into the story...
the next chap is finale? can't wait....
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