static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-06 12:24 am
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-06 12:24 am
Things Happen II 3/11
A/N: Here you go guys. *hides* Yes, I know. I am evil, but I love you all!
Hankyung rolled over, but found that the other side of his bed was empty. He frowned and sat up. Where was Heechul? He stretched starting his search in the bathroom, but it was empty. He walked back to the room and saw that Heechul’s things were gone. He didn’t panic. Heechul wouldn’t leave without a goodbye.
He dressed and even got his hair just right when Sungmin walked in.
“Hello Hankyung-sshi.”
“Hello Min.”
“What’s wrong?” Sungmin asked him looking up at him.
“Nothing.” He lied busying himself in the kitchen.
He was turned away from Sungmin. He didn’t want to worry the other man. If he worried Sungmin then he would be worrying Eunhyuk which would be worrying Yesung which would cause a chain reaction where everyone would be just one big ball of worry. He almost laughed at his thoughts, but he didn’t realize that his hand was shaking so much. The knife he had been holding slipped and he inhaled sharply as blood poured onto his dress shirt.
“Shit.”
“Hankyung? What happened?” Sungmin asked grabbing paper towels.
“I cut myself.” Hankyung answered feeling stupid.
What was wrong with him? Had his night with Heechul left him this disoriented? Had it really been that long for both of them? He couldn’t remember. He bit his lip as Sungmin did things to his bleeding finger.
“Hankyung we need to wash this.” Sungmin said.
“Can’t. Sink doesn’t work and Eunhyuk’s in the bathroom.”
He watched Sungmin frown and didn’t really care. He closed his eyes and thought of Heechul, but it was too soon after what had just happened. He felt his whole body start to react to the pictures that were playing in his head. That was why, when he felt the warm mouth around his fingers that he moaned and quite loudly.
“Shit.” He said eyes flying open. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
“I’m so sorry Hankyung-sshi.” Sungmin was saying. “I asked you and you nodded. There’s no water and you’re bleeding a lot. I’m sorry.”
“Heechul.” He moaned.
He couldn’t believe that he was like this already. It had been barely five hours ago. How much did he really need? He groaned and snatched his hand from Sungmin. He apologized as he walked out of the dorm. Forget breakfast. He was never going to concentrate if he kept thinking of Heechul.
He frowned when he realized that his shirt sleeve was stained with blood and that he had forgotten his jacket. He sighed and walked back to the dorm. He would have to find Heechul later. Heechul wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. He told himself that as he slipped out of his shirt and into a new one. He told himself that as he walked to class with the Golden Boys. He kept telling himself that even when it was obvious that Heechul wasn’t in class. And he still told himself that even after the day turned to night and he still hadn’t seen Heechul.
***
Hankyung rolled over. He couldn’t sleep. It was his sixth night in a row. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Heechul had left. At first Hankyung hadn’t thought much of it. Sure, it had bothered him that Heechul had left early and without a word to him as to why, but he had dealt with it. He had done things without Heechul knowing, his latest haircut included.
So, at first he had ignored it. Ignored, the unease he felt whenever he called and Heechul didn’t pick up. He had ignored it when he had asked Donghae and had gotten no answer. He ignored it when the weekend turned into a week. He had ignored it yesterday when one week had finally turned to one month. But, now he couldn’t ignore it anymore.
He was finally uneasy, more than uneasy, he was afraid. Heechul had said a weekend and it was now a month. He hadn’t slept in six days. He was moody. He had snapped at Yesung in the morning. He had made Eunhyuk cry. Only Sungmin could stand to be around him now a days and it was bothering Hankyung.
“Hankyung?”
He looked up. He was in the classroom taking notes without really knowing how he could. He had been so concentrated that he hadn’t heard Eunhyuk ask him the question.
“I’m sorry, what is it?”
“Are you feeling okay, hyung? You don’t look so well and you were almost late this morning?”
He smiled. Was he okay? No. Did he feel okay? No. Why had he been late? Heechul. Why was he feeling bad? Heechul. Why had he made Eunhyuk cry? Heechul. Why was Yesung weary? Heechul.
“I’m fine.” Hankyung said turning back to his notebook.
“Hankyung?”
“What?” He asked frowning as Yesung leaned over to talk to him.
“The class is over.”
Hankyung looked up. He and the rest of the Golden Boy as well as F4…F3 were the only ones there. He laughed and leaned back into his chair.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” he asked no one in particular.
“You need sleep.” Yesung said moving a strand of hair out of Hankyung’s face.
“What’s sleep?” he asked.
“What you haven’t been doing for the past week.” Yesung admonished,
“I can’t sleep.” Hankyung said getting up and falling almost immediately into his chair.
He groaned. When had he become this useless ball of mush? He sighed. That’s right, ever since Heechul had left.
“You can’t keep doing to yourself hyung.” Eunhyuk said real tears threatening to pour out.
Hankyung bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to make Eunhyuk cry.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’ll go sleep right now.”
“We know you won’t really do it.” Donghae said taking Eunhyuk’s hand.
It was then that he remembered something that he had been ignoring for the past month. Ryeowook and Donghae had known Heechul since they were born. There was no way Heechul would have left without telling them where he was. They would know. They had to know. It was his last hope, his last opportunity, his last chance to get some semblance of sanity back.
He looked between Donghae and Ryeowook. Who would be easiest to break? He glanced at Ryeowook and the hand he had around Yesung. Ryeowook? No, he hadn’t ever really suffered anything close to what Hankyung was feeling. He needed someone who would understand the pain of losing the person you loved the most.
His eyes turned to Donghae. Donghae knew. Donghae knew what it was like to want to hug the person you loved and not be able to. Donghae knew what it was like to go without eating, without sleeping for days. Donghae knew what it was like to want. Donghae knew. And Donghae owed him. Donghae owed him big time.
“Donghae.” He said, his voice a plea.
“What is it Hankyung?”
“Donghae, please.” He said not caring that everyone was watching him. “Please, I need to know.”
He watched Donghae’s pained eyes. They were a lot stronger than he had imagined. Donghae was sorry but didn’t seem to want to tell.
He stood up. His hands found Donghae’s. His eyes were pleading, he was begging. He fell to his knees in front of the younger man.
“Please,” He whispered. “Please. I don’t even have to know where he is. I just need to know that he’s okay. I need to know that he’s not hurt. I need to know that he’s going to come back. Please.”
He saw Donghae bite his lip. He felt Eunhyuk and Donghae lift him up, but he didn’t care. His eyes followed Donghae. His hands shook as tears came to his eyes. When was the last time he had cried? He couldn’t remember. It had probably been when he and Yesung were little and he’d broken his arm. The pain he felt then was somewhat similar to the pain he felt now.
It was the same intensity except that this pain didn’t lessen, didn’t leave, didn’t die with painkillers. This pain ate away at his insides. This pain made him want to cry. This pain made him want to give up. This was a different pain. It was intense. It burned him from the inside. It taunted him with images of Heechul. Heechul’s eyes. Heechul’s hot breath in his ear. Heechul’s dark smile. Heechul’s hands.
“Heechul.” He moaned.
“Hankyung.” He heard Eunhyuk’s own heartbroken voice.
“Hankyung, don’t give up.” Yesung said coming over to take him into his arms.
Hankyung closed his eyes. He wanted to give up. He didn’t want to think. He wanted to close his eyes. When had he become so attached? When had Heechul become this important to him? When?
“Donghae, just tell him.” Ryeowook said finally.
Hankyung looked up hopefully. He knew he was scaring them when he saw Donghae sigh. He saw the scared looks in all their eyes, even Kyuhyun’s.
“Is he alright?”
“Yes.” Donghae said finally. “He’s fine. He’s with his parents.”
“But?” Hankyung asked.
“But,” Donghae said. “We don’t know if he’s coming back.”
***
So this was how it was going to end. He was going to just leave without a single word of goodbye. He was going to disappear from his life. He was going to leave. He was going to take everything with him, Hankyung’s heart, Hankyung’s will to fight, his strength, his everything.
And what did Hankyung have? Nothing. He didn’t have Heechul. He might as well have nothing.
“You idiot.” He whispered. “I love you stupid. Why would you just leave like that?”
“Heechul.” He whispered.
He sighed and then let out a breath. He was Hankyung. He was a Golden Boy. He was there to protect the younger ones. He was there to be strong. He couldn’t afford to let himself go. He was starting to make Eunhyuk cry and Eunhyuk could never cry. Hankyung had promised to always take care of them. He couldn’t stop now.
This wasn’t about him. This was about them. He had to take care of them. He had to take care of his Golden Boys and F3 now that Heechul was gone. They were all younger than him. He had to watch them. He had to show them that you could live through anything. He had to be able to do this. He had to be able to do this.
He had to.
He walked into his bathroom. He glanced at his bed and knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep in it tonight. He showered and changed then he did something that he had never done before. He walked over to Yesung’s room and walked in. He saw that Eunhyuk was there already.
When had the two started needing each other this much? Oh, that was right, ever since he had gone crazy.
“Yesung?” he said shaking him.
“What?”
“Move over.”
He saw Yesung’s eyes snap open. “Hankyung?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m sleepy. Can you move over so I can sleep?”
He saw Yesung’s smile. He waited as Yesung tried and failed to move Eunhyuk. He grinned when Yesung ended up shoving Eunhyuk all the way to the floor.
“Ow,” Eunhyuk said sitting up. “What? Oh, Hankyung. Do you want to sleep here too?”
“Yes.” He said helping Eunhyuk up.
“Good because we missed you. But, your bed is bigger. Can we go there?”
Hankyung swallowed. He knew Yesung understood and it was only a moment before Eunhyuk understood too.
“We don’t have to.” Eunhyuk said. “We can go to mine. It’s bigger than Yesung’s.”
Hankyung nodded and helped them move the pillows to Eunhyuk’s room. They decided to sleep on the floor since there was no way the three of them were going to fit in that bed. They didn’t fit in Hankyung’s bed so there was no way they would fit there.
But, Hankyung was glad that he was not alone. He was the first to lie down and he waited as Yesung and Eunhyuk settled down. Eunhyuk moved next to him and he turned to wrap his arm around the youngest, most sensitive of the three. He felt Yesung’s arms around his waist and relaxed into the embrace.
He breathed in their familiar scents. It was home to him. It was so comforting in the way he had always needed and had never sought out. He inhaled, exhaled and was asleep before either Eunhyuk or Yesung.
A/N: EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. I PROMISE!
Hankyung rolled over, but found that the other side of his bed was empty. He frowned and sat up. Where was Heechul? He stretched starting his search in the bathroom, but it was empty. He walked back to the room and saw that Heechul’s things were gone. He didn’t panic. Heechul wouldn’t leave without a goodbye.
He dressed and even got his hair just right when Sungmin walked in.
“Hello Hankyung-sshi.”
“Hello Min.”
“What’s wrong?” Sungmin asked him looking up at him.
“Nothing.” He lied busying himself in the kitchen.
He was turned away from Sungmin. He didn’t want to worry the other man. If he worried Sungmin then he would be worrying Eunhyuk which would be worrying Yesung which would cause a chain reaction where everyone would be just one big ball of worry. He almost laughed at his thoughts, but he didn’t realize that his hand was shaking so much. The knife he had been holding slipped and he inhaled sharply as blood poured onto his dress shirt.
“Shit.”
“Hankyung? What happened?” Sungmin asked grabbing paper towels.
“I cut myself.” Hankyung answered feeling stupid.
What was wrong with him? Had his night with Heechul left him this disoriented? Had it really been that long for both of them? He couldn’t remember. He bit his lip as Sungmin did things to his bleeding finger.
“Hankyung we need to wash this.” Sungmin said.
“Can’t. Sink doesn’t work and Eunhyuk’s in the bathroom.”
He watched Sungmin frown and didn’t really care. He closed his eyes and thought of Heechul, but it was too soon after what had just happened. He felt his whole body start to react to the pictures that were playing in his head. That was why, when he felt the warm mouth around his fingers that he moaned and quite loudly.
“Shit.” He said eyes flying open. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
“I’m so sorry Hankyung-sshi.” Sungmin was saying. “I asked you and you nodded. There’s no water and you’re bleeding a lot. I’m sorry.”
“Heechul.” He moaned.
He couldn’t believe that he was like this already. It had been barely five hours ago. How much did he really need? He groaned and snatched his hand from Sungmin. He apologized as he walked out of the dorm. Forget breakfast. He was never going to concentrate if he kept thinking of Heechul.
He frowned when he realized that his shirt sleeve was stained with blood and that he had forgotten his jacket. He sighed and walked back to the dorm. He would have to find Heechul later. Heechul wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. He told himself that as he slipped out of his shirt and into a new one. He told himself that as he walked to class with the Golden Boys. He kept telling himself that even when it was obvious that Heechul wasn’t in class. And he still told himself that even after the day turned to night and he still hadn’t seen Heechul.
***
Hankyung rolled over. He couldn’t sleep. It was his sixth night in a row. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Heechul had left. At first Hankyung hadn’t thought much of it. Sure, it had bothered him that Heechul had left early and without a word to him as to why, but he had dealt with it. He had done things without Heechul knowing, his latest haircut included.
So, at first he had ignored it. Ignored, the unease he felt whenever he called and Heechul didn’t pick up. He had ignored it when he had asked Donghae and had gotten no answer. He ignored it when the weekend turned into a week. He had ignored it yesterday when one week had finally turned to one month. But, now he couldn’t ignore it anymore.
He was finally uneasy, more than uneasy, he was afraid. Heechul had said a weekend and it was now a month. He hadn’t slept in six days. He was moody. He had snapped at Yesung in the morning. He had made Eunhyuk cry. Only Sungmin could stand to be around him now a days and it was bothering Hankyung.
“Hankyung?”
He looked up. He was in the classroom taking notes without really knowing how he could. He had been so concentrated that he hadn’t heard Eunhyuk ask him the question.
“I’m sorry, what is it?”
“Are you feeling okay, hyung? You don’t look so well and you were almost late this morning?”
He smiled. Was he okay? No. Did he feel okay? No. Why had he been late? Heechul. Why was he feeling bad? Heechul. Why had he made Eunhyuk cry? Heechul. Why was Yesung weary? Heechul.
“I’m fine.” Hankyung said turning back to his notebook.
“Hankyung?”
“What?” He asked frowning as Yesung leaned over to talk to him.
“The class is over.”
Hankyung looked up. He and the rest of the Golden Boy as well as F4…F3 were the only ones there. He laughed and leaned back into his chair.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” he asked no one in particular.
“You need sleep.” Yesung said moving a strand of hair out of Hankyung’s face.
“What’s sleep?” he asked.
“What you haven’t been doing for the past week.” Yesung admonished,
“I can’t sleep.” Hankyung said getting up and falling almost immediately into his chair.
He groaned. When had he become this useless ball of mush? He sighed. That’s right, ever since Heechul had left.
“You can’t keep doing to yourself hyung.” Eunhyuk said real tears threatening to pour out.
Hankyung bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to make Eunhyuk cry.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’ll go sleep right now.”
“We know you won’t really do it.” Donghae said taking Eunhyuk’s hand.
It was then that he remembered something that he had been ignoring for the past month. Ryeowook and Donghae had known Heechul since they were born. There was no way Heechul would have left without telling them where he was. They would know. They had to know. It was his last hope, his last opportunity, his last chance to get some semblance of sanity back.
He looked between Donghae and Ryeowook. Who would be easiest to break? He glanced at Ryeowook and the hand he had around Yesung. Ryeowook? No, he hadn’t ever really suffered anything close to what Hankyung was feeling. He needed someone who would understand the pain of losing the person you loved the most.
His eyes turned to Donghae. Donghae knew. Donghae knew what it was like to want to hug the person you loved and not be able to. Donghae knew what it was like to go without eating, without sleeping for days. Donghae knew what it was like to want. Donghae knew. And Donghae owed him. Donghae owed him big time.
“Donghae.” He said, his voice a plea.
“What is it Hankyung?”
“Donghae, please.” He said not caring that everyone was watching him. “Please, I need to know.”
He watched Donghae’s pained eyes. They were a lot stronger than he had imagined. Donghae was sorry but didn’t seem to want to tell.
He stood up. His hands found Donghae’s. His eyes were pleading, he was begging. He fell to his knees in front of the younger man.
“Please,” He whispered. “Please. I don’t even have to know where he is. I just need to know that he’s okay. I need to know that he’s not hurt. I need to know that he’s going to come back. Please.”
He saw Donghae bite his lip. He felt Eunhyuk and Donghae lift him up, but he didn’t care. His eyes followed Donghae. His hands shook as tears came to his eyes. When was the last time he had cried? He couldn’t remember. It had probably been when he and Yesung were little and he’d broken his arm. The pain he felt then was somewhat similar to the pain he felt now.
It was the same intensity except that this pain didn’t lessen, didn’t leave, didn’t die with painkillers. This pain ate away at his insides. This pain made him want to cry. This pain made him want to give up. This was a different pain. It was intense. It burned him from the inside. It taunted him with images of Heechul. Heechul’s eyes. Heechul’s hot breath in his ear. Heechul’s dark smile. Heechul’s hands.
“Heechul.” He moaned.
“Hankyung.” He heard Eunhyuk’s own heartbroken voice.
“Hankyung, don’t give up.” Yesung said coming over to take him into his arms.
Hankyung closed his eyes. He wanted to give up. He didn’t want to think. He wanted to close his eyes. When had he become so attached? When had Heechul become this important to him? When?
“Donghae, just tell him.” Ryeowook said finally.
Hankyung looked up hopefully. He knew he was scaring them when he saw Donghae sigh. He saw the scared looks in all their eyes, even Kyuhyun’s.
“Is he alright?”
“Yes.” Donghae said finally. “He’s fine. He’s with his parents.”
“But?” Hankyung asked.
“But,” Donghae said. “We don’t know if he’s coming back.”
***
So this was how it was going to end. He was going to just leave without a single word of goodbye. He was going to disappear from his life. He was going to leave. He was going to take everything with him, Hankyung’s heart, Hankyung’s will to fight, his strength, his everything.
And what did Hankyung have? Nothing. He didn’t have Heechul. He might as well have nothing.
“You idiot.” He whispered. “I love you stupid. Why would you just leave like that?”
“Heechul.” He whispered.
He sighed and then let out a breath. He was Hankyung. He was a Golden Boy. He was there to protect the younger ones. He was there to be strong. He couldn’t afford to let himself go. He was starting to make Eunhyuk cry and Eunhyuk could never cry. Hankyung had promised to always take care of them. He couldn’t stop now.
This wasn’t about him. This was about them. He had to take care of them. He had to take care of his Golden Boys and F3 now that Heechul was gone. They were all younger than him. He had to watch them. He had to show them that you could live through anything. He had to be able to do this. He had to be able to do this.
He had to.
He walked into his bathroom. He glanced at his bed and knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep in it tonight. He showered and changed then he did something that he had never done before. He walked over to Yesung’s room and walked in. He saw that Eunhyuk was there already.
When had the two started needing each other this much? Oh, that was right, ever since he had gone crazy.
“Yesung?” he said shaking him.
“What?”
“Move over.”
He saw Yesung’s eyes snap open. “Hankyung?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m sleepy. Can you move over so I can sleep?”
He saw Yesung’s smile. He waited as Yesung tried and failed to move Eunhyuk. He grinned when Yesung ended up shoving Eunhyuk all the way to the floor.
“Ow,” Eunhyuk said sitting up. “What? Oh, Hankyung. Do you want to sleep here too?”
“Yes.” He said helping Eunhyuk up.
“Good because we missed you. But, your bed is bigger. Can we go there?”
Hankyung swallowed. He knew Yesung understood and it was only a moment before Eunhyuk understood too.
“We don’t have to.” Eunhyuk said. “We can go to mine. It’s bigger than Yesung’s.”
Hankyung nodded and helped them move the pillows to Eunhyuk’s room. They decided to sleep on the floor since there was no way the three of them were going to fit in that bed. They didn’t fit in Hankyung’s bed so there was no way they would fit there.
But, Hankyung was glad that he was not alone. He was the first to lie down and he waited as Yesung and Eunhyuk settled down. Eunhyuk moved next to him and he turned to wrap his arm around the youngest, most sensitive of the three. He felt Yesung’s arms around his waist and relaxed into the embrace.
He breathed in their familiar scents. It was home to him. It was so comforting in the way he had always needed and had never sought out. He inhaled, exhaled and was asleep before either Eunhyuk or Yesung.
A/N: EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. I PROMISE!