static_abyss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-02 11:53 pm
static_abyss) wrote2010-11-02 11:53 pm
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Things Happen I 14/14
A/N: Hey there lovely people whom I love. This is the last chapter for Eunhae and I hope you guys enjoy it and that no one is too disappointed. So, as a heads up. I am posting the Hanchul part of this fic next and normally I would take a few days off to do some stuff and blah, but I really want you all to read the fic like NOW, so I will post Things Happen II 1/11 tomorrow so I will see you all my lovely babies tomorrow. =) Enjoy Eunhae
Eunhyuk paced around the dorm. He was so confused. What the hell did anything mean? What was he doing? What had he done?
He was going crazy, he really was. It had been exactly two weeks, three days, seven hours and forty minutes since the night he had kissed Donghae. He had expected some reaction from Donghae, a question, an insult, anything. What he got instead was a friendly smile the next morning and a pat on the back.
A PAT ON THE BACK.
What was that supposed to mean? Well done? Good Job?
“Eunhyuk?”
He stopped pacing. How the hell had Donghae gotten into the dorm? He walked out of his room and saw that he had left the door open. He almost hit himself at his own stupidity. He was in no mood to see Donghae. Lately every time he did see Donghae, he got the overwhelming urge to strangle the other man. Really, how blind could a person be?
“What is it Donghae?” He asked.
“I wanted to know if you wanted to go see the new movie, you know as a friend.”
What happened next really wasn’t Eunhyuk’s fault. If anything, it had to be Donghae’s fault, Donghae’s fault for using that word, Donghae’s fault for being so oblivious, Donghae’s fault for breaking up over something so stupid and then refusing to fix it. In any case, Eunhyuk blamed Donghae for what he did.
“Donghae.” He said taking the other man by the shoulders. “Tell me something. Are you really this stupid? Are you really this dense? Are you playing with me? Is this some way to get more revenge?”
He watched Donghae’s eyes. There was confusion there and that made him angry. What was there to be confused about? What was there to figure out? He was practically confessing his love to Donghae and the other man didn’t get it.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Why would I be trying to get revenge?” Donghae asked.
That was what broke him. Eunhyuk turned away. He walked back to his room and started pulling things out of his desk drawer. He pulled out pictures, letters, took off the ring and piled it all on his bed.
“Donghae, come here.” He yelled.
He waited for Donghae to enter the room. He watched the frown on Donghae’s face and watched it be replaced with a certain longing as he saw the things on the bed. But, Eunhyuk was too angry to care. He wanted to rip his hair out. He wanted to hit Donghae, make him feel a bit of the despair he was feeling.
“There, you see that?” he asked.
“I do.” Donghae answered quietly.
“Well good, because you know what? Take it. Take everything and just throw it away. I don’t want it. I can’t even look at you anymore without wanting to strangle you. Are you blind, deaf and dumb Hae? Did being with Yoona permanently damage your brain?”
“Hey, Eunhyuk calm down.”
“No! I will not calm down. I refuse to calm down. I have been trying for weeks to get you to understand. Weeks! What is so hard? Why don’t you get it? I made you food. I bought you flowers. I treated you to dinner. I took you to the movies. I drive you around. I buy you presents. I even kissed you, damn it! What don’t you get?” Eunhyuk said knowing he was screaming and not really caring. “What do I have to do? What do you want me to do? Should I rent a plane and have the pilot write I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT, all over the sky? Should I get musicians to play you a song? Should I just hit you again and see if that works?”
“Eunhyuk,” Donghae started again.
“No, you know what? It’s fine. I can’t take it anymore. I tried everything. I did everything I could. I did everything. I don’t care anymore. You’re killing me here. I hate this. I don’t know what to do or say. Every time, I’m with you I get more scared. I don’t like watching you with other people, because I know you’re not mine anymore. And I’m tired.”
Eunhyuk left. He didn’t wait for Donghae to say anything. He walked out of his own dorm and went to visit Sungmin. He should have waited, but he was too angry to care, too frustrated. But, if he had waited, he would have seen the longing look in Donghae’s eyes and he would have heard the soft words.
“But, I am yours Eunhyuk.”
***
Eunhyuk threw himself down on Sungmin’s mattress. He was so tired and he hadn’t done anything. It was just emotionally stressing to be around Donghae.
“I can’t take it anymore, Min.” He said watching Sungmin rearrange his things. “It’s like he’s been replaced by this really adorable, but mush brained idiot.”
“You know you could just tell him that you love him.” Sungmin answered walking into the bathroom.
“I can’t tell him that.” Eunhyuk said.
“And why not?”
“Because, I’m afraid.”
Eunhyuk sat up. He saw Sungmin come back out of the bathroom. His friend came over and kneeled down in front of him. He was afraid. He was terrified of what might happen. He had lost Donghae once and he didn’t want to lose him again.
“Eunhyuk, you don’t have to be afraid.” Sungmin said taking his hand. “If you’re afraid then you’ll never do anything you want to. Why would you be afraid in the first place? That boy is crazy about you.”
“He’s not.” Eunhyuk whispered. “He was the one who noticed that there was something between us the first time. Even I didn’t know and he knew. He was the one who made the first move. He was in charge. He was my rock, Min. I depended on him and then he let me go. And I was so lost and scared. I don’t want to be lost anymore, but I don’t want to depend too much on him either. I’m afraid that I’ll lose him again. I’m afraid that if I start something when he’s not ready, he’ll leave again. And I can’t stomach that twice, I just can’t.”
Eunhyuk took a deep breath to steady his voice. “I want to know that he’s sure. I want to know that there’s nothing in the way. And I gave him clues, so many damn clues. Even Yesung would understand. Yesung would know what I was trying to say, but he just doesn’t get it. I take him out all the time. I buy him dinner. I pay for his movies. I even kissed him and he still doesn’t get it. I want to hit my head against the wall. It’s so frustrating and I’m so tired. Do you have any idea how many times I cried myself to sleep these past two weeks?”
“Hyukkie—“
“No, don’t call me that. That’s what he calls me.”
“Eunhyuk, it will be okay.” Sungmin said. “It will be fine. Take it from me; I know that Donghae is crazy about you. Anyone would be crazy over you, but he’s afraid too. No, think about, you broke his heart.”
“I broke it?”
“Yes, you did. When he told you all of that, about how it was all a game, you believed him. He loves you. He always loved you. But, you accepted the fact that he didn’t so easily. How do you think he felt? That you would just abandon him like that whenever something small happened? How secure do you think he feels, knowing that you would leave him like that?”
Eunhyuk blinked back the tears that were threatening to leave his eyes. He just looked at Sungmin. Did that make sense? Was Donghae insecure? He couldn’t bring himself to think of the rich, handsome, F4 boy as insecure. How could Donghae who had everything and could have anyone he wanted, be insecure?
“Min, he has everything. I’m the one who is nothing. What do I have to give him? What can I do for him? How do I keep him? He can have anyone he wants. All I have is myself.” Eunhyuk said his voice flat and empty.
“You know, there are many people in this school that would love to take you. Girls, guys, I mean come on Eunhyuk, there’s practically a mob whenever the Golden Boys walk by. Donghae must feel really insecure knowing that so many people would die to date you. And then, all that time you spent with Hankyung. I know he’s dating Heechul and I know that you love Donghae, but still, to someone who loves you and isn’t with you, it would be pretty annoying to see you hanging of off Hankyung like that.” Sungmin said getting up to pick up his things.
Eunhyuk didn’t know what to think. Sungmin was making sense, but he would never have known that. How was he supposed to know that Donghae was jealous? How was he supposed to know that Donghae did love him, if he was leaving him? How was he supposed to deny Donghae’s own words, if he was the one who spoke them? And as for the screaming fans, Donghae had those too.
“You know, I guess now you know how it feels to be Donghae.” Sungmin continued pleasantly.
“What do you mean?” Eunhyuk asked standing up.
“Well, when Donghae was dating you, you were pretty much oblivious to how he felt and now here you are again, but this time he’s the one who doesn’t get it. I guess you two had to break up to figure out exactly how much you love each other.”
“Min, shut up.” Eunhyuk growled.
He was so confused. Nothing made sense anymore. When had Donghae become Eunhyuk?
“As far as I can see,” Sungmin said choosing to ignore his comment. “It’s time you two were locked up in some tiny closet and left to deal with your problems. It’s getting annoying really. Everyone has bets on how long it’ll take you two to get back together. So far, Hankyung and Heechul are winning. I lost way too early, because I had faith in you two. So much for that.”
“Bets?”
“Eunhyuk, are you normally this dumb or is Donghae finally getting to you?”
Eunhyuk frowned and threw a pillow at Sungmin. He laughed when it made contact, but stopped when he remembered why he was in Sungmin’s dorm anyway. He sighed, but stood up. What good was being in love if it just brought headaches?
***
Donghae was sitting on Eunhyuk’s bed when he got back to the dorm. If he didn’t know any better, Eunhyuk would have said that Donghae hadn’t moved since he left that morning. The things were still on the bed though.
“Donghae?” He asked.
“I remember when I was smaller and my mother would leave for work or to drop my cousin off to school. I would always go crazy wondering if she would ever come back, if I would ever see her again. After a while, I stopped worrying and then one day she really did leave and just didn’t come back.” Donghae said looking at the picture in his hands. “I’ve been so afraid of losing the people I care about since then.”
Eunhyuk didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but Sungmin had destroyed the little confidence he had left. He didn’t want Donghae to be insecure. He wanted Donghae to be happy, to be carefree. He wanted a smile, anything besides the dead, scared look on Donghae’s face. He sighed and kneeled in front of Donghae.
When the younger man didn’t look up, Eunhyuk lifted his chin for him. He looked into those big brown eyes and didn’t know if he was happy to see the longing or whether to be sad. He had wanted to have Donghae like this for so long, so he could hug him, but now, he just wanted to make it all better, to explain, to make him understand.
“Donghae, I’m so sorry.” He said pulling Donghae into a hug. “I am so sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I’m so sorry for running to Hankyung when you needed me. I’m sorry for not understanding. I’m sorry for going to the wrong people. I’m sorry for believing that you didn’t love me.”
He stopped. He couldn’t do it anymore. Tears he had been holding in for so long finally came out. He stopped, not because he was done apologizing, but because he couldn’t talk. His body shook as he tried to hold it in and it took him a while to realize that Donghae was crying too. That stopped his tears. He pulled away and looked at Donghae. He didn’t know what to do. Donghae was crying, actually crying and it scared him.
“Hae, what’s wrong? Don’t cry.” He said frantically wiping away the other man’s tears. “Don’t cry. What’s the matter?”
Donghae gave a shaky laugh. “Why do you think I’m crying? I’m just so happy that you’re here. And I’m sorry too.”
“Sh,” Eunhyuk said pulling Donghae into his arms again. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have been there. I should have been holding your hand and comforting you when you needed me. Instead I ran away. I left you to deal with Yoona and your cousin all alone. I’m the worst possible boyfriend you could ever have. I don’t deserve you.”
He heard Donghae’s soft laugh by his ear and all the memories came back to him.
“You don’t deserve me.” Donghae whispered. “And I don’t deserve you. We’re pretty much meant to be apart, Hyukkie, but I’m F4 and I always get what I want and I want you, even if we aren’t meant to be together. I want to be with you. I love you.”
Eunhyuk pulled away. He looked at Donghae and wondered what he had ever done to deserve Lee Donghae. He was nothing special, he knew, but here was the most important, amazing person in the world, in his arms.
“Donghae, I’m sorry.” He said wanting the other man to understand.
He wanted to make it all go away. He wanted to start over, to be a better boyfriend, a better friend. He wanted to erase the past months. He wanted to do everything over, but he knew he couldn’t. Whatever damage this had done to their relationship was done already. He would never be able to fix it no matter how hard he tried.
“Eunhyuk, what’s wrong?” Donghae asked him.
He looked away. Was it really worth it? Was he good enough for Donghae? Did he deserve the man in his arms? Did he deserve to be forgiven for everything he had done wrong? Now, that he knew what really happen and after he had talked to Sungmin, he knew that the only one at fault was him. He was the one who didn’t understand. He was the one who pushed Donghae away. He was the one who purposefully sought out Hankyung. He was the one who wanted Sungmin to make him forget. He was the one who gave up so easily.
“I’m sorry.” He said again and it was then that he really understood just how weak it was. “I’m so sorry, Hae.”
“Eunhyuk, wait. What’s wrong? Where are you going?”
But, Eunhyuk didn’t say anything. He stood up and did what he did best. He walked away. He walked away without a single glance back. He walked out of the dorm and left Donghae again, left him because he knew now, that he was not good enough. He knew that he had been the weak one, knew that he had destroyed everything, knew that he would never be able to fix it.
He was halfway down the hall when it suddenly occurred to him that he was doing it again, that he was leaving, that he was being weak. He turned around and ran back, even though he was afraid. He threw open the door.
Donghae looked up, hope shinning in his eyes as the tears stopped rolling down his cheeks. Eunhyuk walked over and pulled him up. He threw his arms around Donghae and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“I’m so sorry, Hae. I’m so stupid. I’m weak and useless and I don’t deserve you, but I love you. I love you so much it’s painful. I love you so much that I almost walked away again and I’m such an idiot for even thinking of letting you go again. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He said frantically kissing Donghae’s eyes, nose, cheeks, face.
“I hate myself for everything I did to you and I know I don’t deserve you. I never deserved someone like you, but I do love you and I don’t want to let you go. I want to be selfish. I want to keep you by my side forever. I don’t want to share you ever with anyone. And if I walk away now I’ll have to share and I don’t want to. I love you. Please, forgive me for everything. I promise to make it up to you somehow. I’ll do whatever you want, anything.”
“Eunhyuk.” Donghae whispered against his hold. “I just want you to do one thing for me.”
“Whatever it is, I’ll do it.” Eunhyuk said earnestly.
Donghae pulled away so that they were looking at each other. Eunhyuk almost collapsed when he saw what he had wanted to see for the past months. He finally saw that same love, the love that had never stopped burning, the love that was theirs and only theirs, the love that burned him from the inside, the love that was so intense it hurt sometimes, the love he knew would never die, not in him and not in Donghae.
“I love you.” He said before he could stop himself.
He watched Donghae’s smile and knew there was nothing more perfect. He loved everything about the man in front of him. He loved those eyes, the nose, the smile, the face, everything. He would never love anyone quite like he loved Donghae. There was no other, not for him.
“I love you.” He said again, not sure he would ever be able to say it enough.
“I love you too.” Donghae said.
And that was all he really needed.
“Eunhyuk.” Donghae said.
“What is it?”
“Can you do something for me?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Kiss me.”
Eunhyuk looked at Donghae. Two small words, two small words that held everything in them. A kiss.
He leaned down until his face was inches from Donghae’s. He swallowed hard and forgot how to breathe. It had been too long, much too long. But, he wanted it. He wanted it so bad his whole body was shaking with anticipation. One small kiss. One small kiss and everything would go back to how it was before. One small kiss and he would have Donghae again. Just one small kiss and it would be like it had never happened.
But, that same kiss would bring back everything he had done wrong. It was one small kiss and it terrified him.
“Donghae.” He whispered tangling his hands in that soft hair.
“Eunhyuk.” Was Donghae’s breathless reply.
He watched Donghae’s eyes slide shut. He took in that face and tried to memorize everything about it, but he had no time. He wanted this so badly. His heart was hammering in his chest. His breath wasn’t coming out properly. His hands were shaking and he was afraid.
But, he had always been afraid, would probably always be afraid and he had to learn to live with it. He leaned forward his own eyes shutting close as he closed the miniscule distance that seemed like a mile to him. And when he finally felt Donghae’s lips against his, it burned. It burned with an intensity that he hadn’t been expecting. It burned him from the inside out. But, it didn’t take long for him to realize that what burned wasn’t the kiss, it was the love that flowed between them.
His whole mind filled with images of Donghae. Donghae smiling. Donghae laughing. Donghae crying. Donghae pulling him closer. Donghae sleeping in his arms. Just Donghae. He felt Donghae’s hand in his. He felt Donghae’s hot breath against his throat. He saw them lying together in the grass, looking up at the stars. He saw Donghae, just Donghae, his Donghae.
And he didn’t care if he never saw the next day, because all that mattered to him was Donghae. He kissed him as if it were the first time, his whole body nervous, his hands shaking, his heart racing uncontrollably. And even though it was terrifying, it was also perfect.
They had been apart too long, had missed each other so much and now that they were together it was better, so much better than when they had been apart. Their hands moved slowly, each caress a memory reawakened, each sigh a song to remember, each kiss an eternity. They needed each other, needed that moment, needed to know, to reaffirm their love for each other. And it wasn’t terrifying any more. It was prefect. It was what they both had wanted from the very beginning.
And Eunhyuk didn’t care, didn’t remember, why he and Donghae had been apart. After that night there was no distance, there was no space. After that night, they were one again, two people joined as one. They were each other.
“Eunhyuk,” Donghae whispered the next morning.
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
Eunhyuk opened one eye. He rolled over and pulled Donghae into his arms.
“I love you too. I love you more than anything. I love you so much I can’t stand it.” he said no longer caring that he was baring his soul.
Because, there was nothing to be afraid of, not anymore. There was no fear, only love. And even though that should be enough to scare him, all it did was bring him strength, because his love for Donghae was strength. And he would never want anyone else, never want a different ending to their story, never want like he wanted Lee Donghae, never love like he loved now.
A/N: So? What did you think? Is anyone else as excited as I am to read Hanchul? I loves you all and OH don't forget.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ink_river10 just updated her fic Two for the Road here so go read. And for all you Eunhae lovers who like Eunhae fluff. You will MELT when you read this by elforevereunhae so go read and melt at the beautiful, well written GAH GO SEE CLICK! Spot party!!!! i am sorry if I forget anyone. Forgive me I am so bad at remembering.
Eunhyuk paced around the dorm. He was so confused. What the hell did anything mean? What was he doing? What had he done?
He was going crazy, he really was. It had been exactly two weeks, three days, seven hours and forty minutes since the night he had kissed Donghae. He had expected some reaction from Donghae, a question, an insult, anything. What he got instead was a friendly smile the next morning and a pat on the back.
A PAT ON THE BACK.
What was that supposed to mean? Well done? Good Job?
“Eunhyuk?”
He stopped pacing. How the hell had Donghae gotten into the dorm? He walked out of his room and saw that he had left the door open. He almost hit himself at his own stupidity. He was in no mood to see Donghae. Lately every time he did see Donghae, he got the overwhelming urge to strangle the other man. Really, how blind could a person be?
“What is it Donghae?” He asked.
“I wanted to know if you wanted to go see the new movie, you know as a friend.”
What happened next really wasn’t Eunhyuk’s fault. If anything, it had to be Donghae’s fault, Donghae’s fault for using that word, Donghae’s fault for being so oblivious, Donghae’s fault for breaking up over something so stupid and then refusing to fix it. In any case, Eunhyuk blamed Donghae for what he did.
“Donghae.” He said taking the other man by the shoulders. “Tell me something. Are you really this stupid? Are you really this dense? Are you playing with me? Is this some way to get more revenge?”
He watched Donghae’s eyes. There was confusion there and that made him angry. What was there to be confused about? What was there to figure out? He was practically confessing his love to Donghae and the other man didn’t get it.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Why would I be trying to get revenge?” Donghae asked.
That was what broke him. Eunhyuk turned away. He walked back to his room and started pulling things out of his desk drawer. He pulled out pictures, letters, took off the ring and piled it all on his bed.
“Donghae, come here.” He yelled.
He waited for Donghae to enter the room. He watched the frown on Donghae’s face and watched it be replaced with a certain longing as he saw the things on the bed. But, Eunhyuk was too angry to care. He wanted to rip his hair out. He wanted to hit Donghae, make him feel a bit of the despair he was feeling.
“There, you see that?” he asked.
“I do.” Donghae answered quietly.
“Well good, because you know what? Take it. Take everything and just throw it away. I don’t want it. I can’t even look at you anymore without wanting to strangle you. Are you blind, deaf and dumb Hae? Did being with Yoona permanently damage your brain?”
“Hey, Eunhyuk calm down.”
“No! I will not calm down. I refuse to calm down. I have been trying for weeks to get you to understand. Weeks! What is so hard? Why don’t you get it? I made you food. I bought you flowers. I treated you to dinner. I took you to the movies. I drive you around. I buy you presents. I even kissed you, damn it! What don’t you get?” Eunhyuk said knowing he was screaming and not really caring. “What do I have to do? What do you want me to do? Should I rent a plane and have the pilot write I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT, all over the sky? Should I get musicians to play you a song? Should I just hit you again and see if that works?”
“Eunhyuk,” Donghae started again.
“No, you know what? It’s fine. I can’t take it anymore. I tried everything. I did everything I could. I did everything. I don’t care anymore. You’re killing me here. I hate this. I don’t know what to do or say. Every time, I’m with you I get more scared. I don’t like watching you with other people, because I know you’re not mine anymore. And I’m tired.”
Eunhyuk left. He didn’t wait for Donghae to say anything. He walked out of his own dorm and went to visit Sungmin. He should have waited, but he was too angry to care, too frustrated. But, if he had waited, he would have seen the longing look in Donghae’s eyes and he would have heard the soft words.
“But, I am yours Eunhyuk.”
***
Eunhyuk threw himself down on Sungmin’s mattress. He was so tired and he hadn’t done anything. It was just emotionally stressing to be around Donghae.
“I can’t take it anymore, Min.” He said watching Sungmin rearrange his things. “It’s like he’s been replaced by this really adorable, but mush brained idiot.”
“You know you could just tell him that you love him.” Sungmin answered walking into the bathroom.
“I can’t tell him that.” Eunhyuk said.
“And why not?”
“Because, I’m afraid.”
Eunhyuk sat up. He saw Sungmin come back out of the bathroom. His friend came over and kneeled down in front of him. He was afraid. He was terrified of what might happen. He had lost Donghae once and he didn’t want to lose him again.
“Eunhyuk, you don’t have to be afraid.” Sungmin said taking his hand. “If you’re afraid then you’ll never do anything you want to. Why would you be afraid in the first place? That boy is crazy about you.”
“He’s not.” Eunhyuk whispered. “He was the one who noticed that there was something between us the first time. Even I didn’t know and he knew. He was the one who made the first move. He was in charge. He was my rock, Min. I depended on him and then he let me go. And I was so lost and scared. I don’t want to be lost anymore, but I don’t want to depend too much on him either. I’m afraid that I’ll lose him again. I’m afraid that if I start something when he’s not ready, he’ll leave again. And I can’t stomach that twice, I just can’t.”
Eunhyuk took a deep breath to steady his voice. “I want to know that he’s sure. I want to know that there’s nothing in the way. And I gave him clues, so many damn clues. Even Yesung would understand. Yesung would know what I was trying to say, but he just doesn’t get it. I take him out all the time. I buy him dinner. I pay for his movies. I even kissed him and he still doesn’t get it. I want to hit my head against the wall. It’s so frustrating and I’m so tired. Do you have any idea how many times I cried myself to sleep these past two weeks?”
“Hyukkie—“
“No, don’t call me that. That’s what he calls me.”
“Eunhyuk, it will be okay.” Sungmin said. “It will be fine. Take it from me; I know that Donghae is crazy about you. Anyone would be crazy over you, but he’s afraid too. No, think about, you broke his heart.”
“I broke it?”
“Yes, you did. When he told you all of that, about how it was all a game, you believed him. He loves you. He always loved you. But, you accepted the fact that he didn’t so easily. How do you think he felt? That you would just abandon him like that whenever something small happened? How secure do you think he feels, knowing that you would leave him like that?”
Eunhyuk blinked back the tears that were threatening to leave his eyes. He just looked at Sungmin. Did that make sense? Was Donghae insecure? He couldn’t bring himself to think of the rich, handsome, F4 boy as insecure. How could Donghae who had everything and could have anyone he wanted, be insecure?
“Min, he has everything. I’m the one who is nothing. What do I have to give him? What can I do for him? How do I keep him? He can have anyone he wants. All I have is myself.” Eunhyuk said his voice flat and empty.
“You know, there are many people in this school that would love to take you. Girls, guys, I mean come on Eunhyuk, there’s practically a mob whenever the Golden Boys walk by. Donghae must feel really insecure knowing that so many people would die to date you. And then, all that time you spent with Hankyung. I know he’s dating Heechul and I know that you love Donghae, but still, to someone who loves you and isn’t with you, it would be pretty annoying to see you hanging of off Hankyung like that.” Sungmin said getting up to pick up his things.
Eunhyuk didn’t know what to think. Sungmin was making sense, but he would never have known that. How was he supposed to know that Donghae was jealous? How was he supposed to know that Donghae did love him, if he was leaving him? How was he supposed to deny Donghae’s own words, if he was the one who spoke them? And as for the screaming fans, Donghae had those too.
“You know, I guess now you know how it feels to be Donghae.” Sungmin continued pleasantly.
“What do you mean?” Eunhyuk asked standing up.
“Well, when Donghae was dating you, you were pretty much oblivious to how he felt and now here you are again, but this time he’s the one who doesn’t get it. I guess you two had to break up to figure out exactly how much you love each other.”
“Min, shut up.” Eunhyuk growled.
He was so confused. Nothing made sense anymore. When had Donghae become Eunhyuk?
“As far as I can see,” Sungmin said choosing to ignore his comment. “It’s time you two were locked up in some tiny closet and left to deal with your problems. It’s getting annoying really. Everyone has bets on how long it’ll take you two to get back together. So far, Hankyung and Heechul are winning. I lost way too early, because I had faith in you two. So much for that.”
“Bets?”
“Eunhyuk, are you normally this dumb or is Donghae finally getting to you?”
Eunhyuk frowned and threw a pillow at Sungmin. He laughed when it made contact, but stopped when he remembered why he was in Sungmin’s dorm anyway. He sighed, but stood up. What good was being in love if it just brought headaches?
***
Donghae was sitting on Eunhyuk’s bed when he got back to the dorm. If he didn’t know any better, Eunhyuk would have said that Donghae hadn’t moved since he left that morning. The things were still on the bed though.
“Donghae?” He asked.
“I remember when I was smaller and my mother would leave for work or to drop my cousin off to school. I would always go crazy wondering if she would ever come back, if I would ever see her again. After a while, I stopped worrying and then one day she really did leave and just didn’t come back.” Donghae said looking at the picture in his hands. “I’ve been so afraid of losing the people I care about since then.”
Eunhyuk didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but Sungmin had destroyed the little confidence he had left. He didn’t want Donghae to be insecure. He wanted Donghae to be happy, to be carefree. He wanted a smile, anything besides the dead, scared look on Donghae’s face. He sighed and kneeled in front of Donghae.
When the younger man didn’t look up, Eunhyuk lifted his chin for him. He looked into those big brown eyes and didn’t know if he was happy to see the longing or whether to be sad. He had wanted to have Donghae like this for so long, so he could hug him, but now, he just wanted to make it all better, to explain, to make him understand.
“Donghae, I’m so sorry.” He said pulling Donghae into a hug. “I am so sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I’m so sorry for running to Hankyung when you needed me. I’m sorry for not understanding. I’m sorry for going to the wrong people. I’m sorry for believing that you didn’t love me.”
He stopped. He couldn’t do it anymore. Tears he had been holding in for so long finally came out. He stopped, not because he was done apologizing, but because he couldn’t talk. His body shook as he tried to hold it in and it took him a while to realize that Donghae was crying too. That stopped his tears. He pulled away and looked at Donghae. He didn’t know what to do. Donghae was crying, actually crying and it scared him.
“Hae, what’s wrong? Don’t cry.” He said frantically wiping away the other man’s tears. “Don’t cry. What’s the matter?”
Donghae gave a shaky laugh. “Why do you think I’m crying? I’m just so happy that you’re here. And I’m sorry too.”
“Sh,” Eunhyuk said pulling Donghae into his arms again. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have been there. I should have been holding your hand and comforting you when you needed me. Instead I ran away. I left you to deal with Yoona and your cousin all alone. I’m the worst possible boyfriend you could ever have. I don’t deserve you.”
He heard Donghae’s soft laugh by his ear and all the memories came back to him.
“You don’t deserve me.” Donghae whispered. “And I don’t deserve you. We’re pretty much meant to be apart, Hyukkie, but I’m F4 and I always get what I want and I want you, even if we aren’t meant to be together. I want to be with you. I love you.”
Eunhyuk pulled away. He looked at Donghae and wondered what he had ever done to deserve Lee Donghae. He was nothing special, he knew, but here was the most important, amazing person in the world, in his arms.
“Donghae, I’m sorry.” He said wanting the other man to understand.
He wanted to make it all go away. He wanted to start over, to be a better boyfriend, a better friend. He wanted to erase the past months. He wanted to do everything over, but he knew he couldn’t. Whatever damage this had done to their relationship was done already. He would never be able to fix it no matter how hard he tried.
“Eunhyuk, what’s wrong?” Donghae asked him.
He looked away. Was it really worth it? Was he good enough for Donghae? Did he deserve the man in his arms? Did he deserve to be forgiven for everything he had done wrong? Now, that he knew what really happen and after he had talked to Sungmin, he knew that the only one at fault was him. He was the one who didn’t understand. He was the one who pushed Donghae away. He was the one who purposefully sought out Hankyung. He was the one who wanted Sungmin to make him forget. He was the one who gave up so easily.
“I’m sorry.” He said again and it was then that he really understood just how weak it was. “I’m so sorry, Hae.”
“Eunhyuk, wait. What’s wrong? Where are you going?”
But, Eunhyuk didn’t say anything. He stood up and did what he did best. He walked away. He walked away without a single glance back. He walked out of the dorm and left Donghae again, left him because he knew now, that he was not good enough. He knew that he had been the weak one, knew that he had destroyed everything, knew that he would never be able to fix it.
He was halfway down the hall when it suddenly occurred to him that he was doing it again, that he was leaving, that he was being weak. He turned around and ran back, even though he was afraid. He threw open the door.
Donghae looked up, hope shinning in his eyes as the tears stopped rolling down his cheeks. Eunhyuk walked over and pulled him up. He threw his arms around Donghae and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“I’m so sorry, Hae. I’m so stupid. I’m weak and useless and I don’t deserve you, but I love you. I love you so much it’s painful. I love you so much that I almost walked away again and I’m such an idiot for even thinking of letting you go again. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He said frantically kissing Donghae’s eyes, nose, cheeks, face.
“I hate myself for everything I did to you and I know I don’t deserve you. I never deserved someone like you, but I do love you and I don’t want to let you go. I want to be selfish. I want to keep you by my side forever. I don’t want to share you ever with anyone. And if I walk away now I’ll have to share and I don’t want to. I love you. Please, forgive me for everything. I promise to make it up to you somehow. I’ll do whatever you want, anything.”
“Eunhyuk.” Donghae whispered against his hold. “I just want you to do one thing for me.”
“Whatever it is, I’ll do it.” Eunhyuk said earnestly.
Donghae pulled away so that they were looking at each other. Eunhyuk almost collapsed when he saw what he had wanted to see for the past months. He finally saw that same love, the love that had never stopped burning, the love that was theirs and only theirs, the love that burned him from the inside, the love that was so intense it hurt sometimes, the love he knew would never die, not in him and not in Donghae.
“I love you.” He said before he could stop himself.
He watched Donghae’s smile and knew there was nothing more perfect. He loved everything about the man in front of him. He loved those eyes, the nose, the smile, the face, everything. He would never love anyone quite like he loved Donghae. There was no other, not for him.
“I love you.” He said again, not sure he would ever be able to say it enough.
“I love you too.” Donghae said.
And that was all he really needed.
“Eunhyuk.” Donghae said.
“What is it?”
“Can you do something for me?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Kiss me.”
Eunhyuk looked at Donghae. Two small words, two small words that held everything in them. A kiss.
He leaned down until his face was inches from Donghae’s. He swallowed hard and forgot how to breathe. It had been too long, much too long. But, he wanted it. He wanted it so bad his whole body was shaking with anticipation. One small kiss. One small kiss and everything would go back to how it was before. One small kiss and he would have Donghae again. Just one small kiss and it would be like it had never happened.
But, that same kiss would bring back everything he had done wrong. It was one small kiss and it terrified him.
“Donghae.” He whispered tangling his hands in that soft hair.
“Eunhyuk.” Was Donghae’s breathless reply.
He watched Donghae’s eyes slide shut. He took in that face and tried to memorize everything about it, but he had no time. He wanted this so badly. His heart was hammering in his chest. His breath wasn’t coming out properly. His hands were shaking and he was afraid.
But, he had always been afraid, would probably always be afraid and he had to learn to live with it. He leaned forward his own eyes shutting close as he closed the miniscule distance that seemed like a mile to him. And when he finally felt Donghae’s lips against his, it burned. It burned with an intensity that he hadn’t been expecting. It burned him from the inside out. But, it didn’t take long for him to realize that what burned wasn’t the kiss, it was the love that flowed between them.
His whole mind filled with images of Donghae. Donghae smiling. Donghae laughing. Donghae crying. Donghae pulling him closer. Donghae sleeping in his arms. Just Donghae. He felt Donghae’s hand in his. He felt Donghae’s hot breath against his throat. He saw them lying together in the grass, looking up at the stars. He saw Donghae, just Donghae, his Donghae.
And he didn’t care if he never saw the next day, because all that mattered to him was Donghae. He kissed him as if it were the first time, his whole body nervous, his hands shaking, his heart racing uncontrollably. And even though it was terrifying, it was also perfect.
They had been apart too long, had missed each other so much and now that they were together it was better, so much better than when they had been apart. Their hands moved slowly, each caress a memory reawakened, each sigh a song to remember, each kiss an eternity. They needed each other, needed that moment, needed to know, to reaffirm their love for each other. And it wasn’t terrifying any more. It was prefect. It was what they both had wanted from the very beginning.
And Eunhyuk didn’t care, didn’t remember, why he and Donghae had been apart. After that night there was no distance, there was no space. After that night, they were one again, two people joined as one. They were each other.
“Eunhyuk,” Donghae whispered the next morning.
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
Eunhyuk opened one eye. He rolled over and pulled Donghae into his arms.
“I love you too. I love you more than anything. I love you so much I can’t stand it.” he said no longer caring that he was baring his soul.
Because, there was nothing to be afraid of, not anymore. There was no fear, only love. And even though that should be enough to scare him, all it did was bring him strength, because his love for Donghae was strength. And he would never want anyone else, never want a different ending to their story, never want like he wanted Lee Donghae, never love like he loved now.
A/N: So? What did you think? Is anyone else as excited as I am to read Hanchul? I loves you all and OH don't forget.
ink_river10 just updated her fic Two for the Road here so go read. And for all you Eunhae lovers who like Eunhae fluff. You will MELT when you read this by elforevereunhae so go read and melt at the beautiful, well written GAH GO SEE CLICK! Spot party!!!! i am sorry if I forget anyone. Forgive me I am so bad at remembering.